Nine Months
by Bardess of Avon
Summary: Anybodys and A-Rab are having a baby. It's going to be a long nine months...
1. The Beginning

A/N: With 40 chapters, this is one of my longest fics and one that is near and dear to my heart, and it is for this reason that I have gone back and edited much of it. If you liked the original, I hope you like this one even more, and if it's your first time, I hope you enjoy it regardless :)

Reviews are love. Silent favorites are not.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Arthur Laurents, Stephen Sondheim, Jerome Robbins, and Leonard Bernstein.

* * *

O'Grady's was packed tonight, and Anybodys was very glad it was her night off. Snowboy very carefully picked his way towards their table crammed in the back, clutching the four beers to his chest. Anybodys, A-Rab, and Action all reached forward at once to grab theirs.

"A toast," Snowboy declared, holding up his mug, "ta getting drunk off our asses!"

"You ain't workin' tomorrow or nothin', are ya?" A-Rab asked suspiciously.

"Nope; got the day off," Snowboy replied, smacking his lips. "Although I always say that I work better with alcohol; showed up drunk ta my med school finals an' passed with flyin' colors."

"Why ya ever wanted ta be a doctor for pregnant broads, I'll never know," Action scoffed, clearly unimpressed with this job.

"Well, he _does_ get ta see 'em with their legs open—OW!" A-Rab yelped, for Anybodys had elbowed him hard.

"Why'm I with you again?" she asked, looking distinctly annoyed.

"'Cause once ya have A-Rab, ya never go back," A-Rab said with a devilish grin. Or what he thought was devilish, anyway.

"Nah, I think it was 'cause you woulda gotten killed if I wasn't watchin' you every minute," Anybodys said in a bitter tone.

A-Rab made a very hurt face. "Aw, but ya love me, don'tcha, Anybodys?"

Anybodys eyed him unenthusiastically. "That's debatable."

Action and Snowboy sniggered. The beers were downed within moments, and after a heated rock-paper-scissors, it was decided that Anybodys would be the one to get more. "Like I ain't gettin' people drinks every night," she muttered.

"A-Rab. May I ask a poisonal question?" Snowboy said rather than asked, his accent altering the word "personal." "What's it like wearin' the skoit in the relationship?"

A-Rab scowled. "Aw, shut up. _I'm_ wearin' the pants here."

"Yeah, but it's _Anybodys_," Action piped up, smirking. "I mean, she ain't exactly a normal _girl_."

As if to prove this statement, Anybodys returned then, shouting over her shoulder, "Yeah, up yours, buddy!"

Action smirked at A-Rab as if to say, _See what I mean?_

* * *

Eight o'clock turned into nine o'clock, then ten, then eleven, then twelve, then one, and finally it was two a.m. and the small group stumbled out of the bar, laughing loudly as they shouted overly-friendly goodnights to each other. A-Rab and Anybodys slung their arms around each other, more to steady themselves than as a sign of affection.

They kept colliding into each other, trying to steady themselves as they stumbled home and failing miserably. They giggled tipsily over even the smallest of stumbles and sometimes burst out into song.

"There once was a man from Nantucket," A-Rab began, clearly thinking his girlfriend of seven years had not heard this before.

Anybodys suddenly came to a stop. "We're home!" she trilled, her arms open wide. She pushed open the door to the building and they both fell inside, giggling as they caught themselves from falling completely. Arms slung around each other once more, they punched the button for the elevator and tumbled inside. The minute they did, Anybodys pushed him against the wall. "You're drunk," she told him seriously. "An' I'm gonna have my way with ya."

A-Rab's fingers found her belt loops and he pulled her against him, his mouth on hers and unable to get enough. The door _binged _open and she pulled away, smirking at him as she ran out the elevator. He chased after her and crashed into their door. "Ow."

Anybodys searched her pockets and frowned. "I can't find the key."

"_I_ got it!" A-Rab declared, pulling it out. He shoved it into the keyhole repeatedly until it stuck and turned it open. They were at each other before the door had finished closing.


	2. Week One

_One Week Pregnant_

A-Rab and Anybodys liked eating over at Baby John's and Minnie's place because the food was good, they didn't have to cook or pay for a meal, and just when the kids became tiresome, it was time for them to go to bed.

A-Rab and Anybodys didn't like children as a rule; they were loud, whiny, and always had some kind of fluid dripping from them, whether it was drool, snot, or pee. They only tolerated Baby John's and Minnie's kids because, well, they were Baby John's and Minnie's kids. But even so, it was not unusual for them to get in arguments with the children that, more often than not, resulted in them sounding just as young as the people they were arguing with.

Almost as soon as A-Rab rang the doorbell, the door flew open to reveal the twins bedecked in Superman pajamas and astronaut helmets. "LOOK, IT'S THE MARTIANS!" John Junior screeched in his high-pitched, three-year-old voice.

"ATTACK!" Richie shouted. The two boys rammed their heads into A-Rab's stomach. He, however, was anticipating this and removed them calmly.

"Hey, guys, calm down, huh?" Baby John said in a distinctly annoyed tone, prising his two oldest children off of Anybodys, for they had decided to grab onto her legs, rendering her immobile.

"Hiya Baby John," A-Rab said breezily, easing into the apartment as his girlfriend shook off Richie, who was now attempting to gnaw her knee.

Minnie appeared from the kitchen, holding her one-year-old over her shoulder and patting her back. She beamed at them. "Hi Anybodys, A-Rab! We're so glad you could make it!" Dorothy promptly spit up all over the blanket draped over Minnie's shoulder. "Oh, let me go clean that up!" Minnie said, sounding surprisingly cheerful for one who just had a baby spit up on her shoulder.

"We are never having kids," Anybodys muttered in A-Rab's ear.

Baby John swooped and grabbed both boys before they could wreak further havoc. "I was just about ta put these guys ta bed; they wanted ta wait fer you two."

"Uncle A, come read me a story!" John shouted, bouncing in his father's arm.

"Yeah!" Richie agreed, also bouncing.

"Just _one_ story," Baby John prompted.

A-Rab shrugged. "Sure. But I ain't tellin' the same story twice, okay? That counts as two stories, not one." He followed Baby John to the boys' room, turning for a moment to mime being shot in the head before going into the room littered with toys. Anybodys wandered into the kitchen, where Minnie was balancing Dorothy and checking the chicken in the oven at the same time.

"Need help?" Anybodys asked, grudgingly admiring Minnie for being able to multitask.

Minnie smiled. "If you could just hold Dorothy, I can get dinner ready a lot faster."

Anybodys had to hide a frown; she hated holding babies. It just wasn't something she was good at. Most women cooed over babies endlessly and had a fluid, feminine way of holding them, but Anybodys almost always managed to make them cry. And as for liking babies…they cried, drooled, pooped, and puked. What the hell was there to like about them? It was like taking care of A-Rab when he was hung over. Nevertheless, she forced a smile and carefully pulled the one-year-old from her mother and balanced her awkwardly on her hip. Dorothy blinked at her in surprise but, thankfully, did not fuss or cry.

"The boys just _love_ A-Rab so much; they wouldn't go to bed until you two came over!" Minnie laughed. "They were hoping you could watch them again sometime soon."

"_They_ were or _you_ were?" Anybodys asked shrewdly. "Minnie, when was the last time you an' Baby John went out?"

"Well…" Minnie thought. "Well, the last time you babysat for us."

Anybodys's mouth fell open. "_That_ long? Minnie, that's insane! How do you _live_?"

Minnie shrugged. "We don't really need to go out. And to be honest, I prefer staying home. Whenever I leave the kids, I always worry about them. Mother says she used to be the same way; it's a maternal instinct."

Anybodys shook her head, letting Dorothy play with her fingers. "_I_ couldn't do it; if I didn't get hammered once a week, I might hafta kill A-Rab."

Minnie pulled the chicken from the oven and grabbed some basil to sprinkle over it. "It's different after you've had a baby. I used to love going out, but it's just not the same anymore."

Anybodys pictured a life where she never went out. It was not easy to imagine, nor was it fun. There was just no way she could live like that. "I hope ta God I never have a kid."

"I wouldn't say that if I were you; you may change your mind," Minnie warned her.

Anybodys scoffed. "I seriously doubt that."


	3. Week Two

_Two Weeks Pregnant_

"…and Will's getting' over a cold, but in case he starts coughing or has a runny nose, there's some medicine in the refrigerator—just a little bit should do it. An' there's some milk fer Ava in the refrigerator as well, so if she starts fussing an' it's not her diaper, then heat it up a little an' give her a little bit. The emergency numbers are—"

"Are in the cabinet, yeah, we know already!" Anybodys said with more than a touch of impatience. "Ya give us this speech every time, Velma!"

"Yeah, an' it's amazing how often somethin' bad happens," Ice said dryly, helping Velma into her coat. "Will had ta get _stitches_ last time."

"Only two," Anybodys scoffed. "An' the doctor said he'd be fine. Look, youse guys are gonna miss yer reservation if ya don't get yer asses out the door."

Velma rolled her eyes. "Oh, fine. Just don't let anything happen ta my kids!"

A-Rab held the door and bowed them out mockingly. He locked the door the minute they were out. "Check on the kids an' make sure they're asleep."

Anybodys complied, pausing in each room and satisfied when she heard heavy breathing indicative of sleep. She closed the doors behind her and grabbed A-Rab, pulling him down onto the couch. He was about to happily comply with her request when he paused and glanced to the side. "Oh."

Anybodys looked to where he was staring and saw Ice and Velma's cat watching them with deeply disapproving eyes. "It's just the cat," she pointed out.

"I know…but it's _watching_ us," A-Rab whispered, as if it could hear him, too. "It reminds me-a Ice."

"Yer such a pussy," Anybodys scoffed. "What's it gonna do, _meow_ atcha?"

"I knew there was a reason I hated babysittin' at this place," A-Rab grumbled. "That damn cat has Ice's Glare. I swear ta God, I think he trained it ta do that."

Anybodys, seeing that the mood was ruined, got up to turn on the television set. She flopped back on the couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table and nudging the cat off. "I like not havin' kids…'til all our friends _with _kids ask us ta babysit."

"I think they're tryin' ta get us ta have kids," A-Rab said thoughtfully, oblivious to his girlfriend's annoyance. "I mean, last week at Baby John an' Minnie's place, they wouldn't shut up about their kids."

"They never shut up about their kids anyway," Anybodys pointed out.

"Yeah, but I felt like they was tryin' ta hint at somethin'," A-Rab persisted. He sighed. "It's a thought."

"Even though we keep tellin' 'em we ain't ever gonna get married _or_ have kids. A goldfish, maybe," Anybodys conceded. "But not a kid. God, you'd _kill _a kid if ya hung around one too long."

"You couldn't even carry a baby 'cause you'd kill it before it was even born," A-Rab argued.

"I would not!" Anybodys snapped.

"You would too!"

"Would not!"

"Would too!"

"I would not, ya asshole!"

"You would too, an' you know it!"

They glared at each other for a moment before promptly grabbing each other and kissing fiercely. A-Rab hesitated and glanced at the cat, which was still watching them, but Anybodys grabbed his chin and jerked his head to look at her. "_Ignore the cat_," she hissed, and she proceeded to drive all thoughts of felines from his head.

* * *

When Ice and Velma returned, A-Rab and Anybodys were flushed, slightly out of breath, and much more affectionate than when the couple had left them. After assuring Ice and Velma that the kids were fine and hadn't woken up once, A-Rab grabbed Anybodys's hand and pulled her out the door. All suspicions were confirmed when Anybodys giggled. Ice and Velma exchanged glances.

"I _told_ you they would do it," Velma reminded Ice.

"It wasn't like we had a choice; everyone else was busy," Ice sighed as the cat slunk into the room, meowing at him balefully. "I'm sorry, buddy."


	4. Week Three

_Three Weeks Pregnant_

Action grinned when the door to his bar, Bootlegger, opened and two all-too-familiar people came in, bickering as always.

"Ya can't just sock my boss an' expect me ta be happy about it!"

"Aw, like you wouldna done it if I hadn't-a been there!"

"I could get fired, y'know!"

"You didn't do anything!"

"But my _boyfriend_ did!"

"Then blame me! _I'm_ the one who took him out back an' punched his face in, not you!"

Elvis spun around on his stool. "Daddy, why do Aunt Any an' Uncle A always fight?"

"That's what happens when ya get married," Tiger informed him moodily.

Action scoffed. "Graz kick ya out again?"

Tiger nodded miserably.

"But they aren't married," Elvis piped up.

"They oughta just tie the knot an' get it over with," Big Deal said, taking a swig from his lager. "They live together, go everywhere together, screw each other on every open surface in _other people's houses_, an' fight like cats an' dogs."

"You an' Clarice fight?" Gee-Tar asked, perhaps a bit hopefully.

Big Deal eyed him with suspicion. "No, but I heard it happens."

Anybodys plopped on a stool, expression sour as A-Rab plopped down beside her. Action slid their usual drinks across the counter. "So, what's the topic-a today's argument?"

A-Rab took a moody swig of his beer. "Her creepy nutcase of a boss hit on her, an' now she's mad I told him she's _mine_."

"You pulled him out back an' socked him in the face! Overreact much?" Anybodys exclaimed, scoffing.

"He _hit_ on ya?" Gee-Tar asked, a small smirk of disbelief playing at his mouth.

"He asked me ta dinner," Anybodys muttered.

"That's not hittin' on ya, really…" Big Deal said, frowning.

"But he _knows_ she's _my_ girlfriend!" A-Rab exploded. "_Everybody_ at O'Grady's knows we're together! I make _sure_ of it!"

Action sympathetically passed him another beer. "But ya put him in his place, right, buddy-boy?" he asked with a critical eye.

A-Rab snorted. "'Course I did. No creep is gonna ask out _my_ girlfriend an' get away with it."

"Oh my God; _men_," Anybodys groaned as Action and A-Rab grasped hands in a maddeningly macho way and thumped each other's backs. "It's all a power-trip. Elvis," she added, turning to the young boy spinning on his stool, "don't become an asshole when ya grow up."

"Um, language, please!" Action scolded, pushing some coffee with Bailey's Irish Cream across the counter. "Here ya go, buddy."

"Thanks, Dad!" Elvis said, taking the mug and slurping up some of the cream.

"Don't you have school tomorrow?" Big Deal asked, watching in trepidation as Elvis drank the coffee with expertise.

"Yeah," Elvis said, shrugging as he licked his lips. "Why?"

"I…ah, forget it," Big Deal muttered, shaking his head and downing his lager.

"Anyway," A-Rab said in a loud voice, obviously wanting to drive the attention back to himself. "Anybodys is flippin' her lid that she's gonna get fired now."

"Well, ya only _punched my boss's lights out_!" Anybodys exclaimed. "I can't really blame him if he does!"

"He ain't gonna fire ya," Gee-Tar snorted. "He's probably scared shitless ta fire ya now. A-Rab did ya a _favor_, Anybodys. Although personally, I don't think women oughta work."

"That's 'cause yer a chauvinist bastard!" Anybodys snapped.

"Language!" Action hissed. They glanced at Elvis, who was happily sipping from his coffee.

"Yeah, well, I still ain't lookin' forward ta facin' him tomorrah," Anybodys muttered, taking a sip of her beer.

Action threw a rag over his shoulder (something he had spent hours practicing upon becoming a bartender) and placed his palms on the counter, leaning forward. "I keep tellin' ya, Anybodys, ya oughta come work fer _me_ 'stead-a those Micks."

"I like that idea," A-Rab said at once.

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "A-course ya would."

"Naw, I'm serious," Action insisted. "You can work when ya want to an' I'll pay ya more'n yer gettin' at O'Grady's."

Anybodys frowned. "Why're you so anxious for me ta work here? 'Sides the fact that ya think I'm lowerin' myself by workin' at a Mick joint?"

"'Cause us Jets've gotta stick together!" Action paused. "Plus I never got past Geometry, an' I need somebody ta take care-a the accounting stuff."

"So because I'm a girl, I'm s'posed ta know how ta pay bills?" Anybodys challenged.

"Actually, it's because nobody else who works here—myself included—ever graduated," Action admitted.

Before Anybodys could consider the idea, Gee-Tar spoke up. "See, me, I don't let Bernice pay any-a the bills," he said in a loud, smug voice. "This way she can't get anything past me."

"Really? Then how come whenever some repairman comes over ta fix somethin', they always charge ya half price?" Big Deal asked, although it was apparent to everyone else at the bar why this was.

Gee-Tar looked as if he was struggling to find an answer. "'Cause…'cause they have specials whenever she calls."

"Sure," Action snorted. "Just think it over, will ya, Anybodys?"

Anybodys considered it. "I'll think about it," she decided slowly.

Elvis belched. "Can I have another?"


	5. One Month

_One Month_

Anybodys stretched in front of the bathroom sink, sighing as she heard satisfactory pops. She seemed to be waking up sore a lot more lately than she had in the past. It wasn't that her nighttime activities with A-Rab were more intense than usual; in fact, she'd been on the tired side lately and had begged off on headaches if she wasn't in the mood—and that was becoming more and more common. She shrugged it off as PMS; she hadn't had her period in awhile and it was bound to come soon. Not that her body had ever done her the favor of being predictable.

Anybodys took a good, long look in the mirror. She felt different, somehow, and she felt as if there should be some physical indication of this change she still had yet to figure out. She was still the same size, both in height and width. She was well past puberty, so there was no way her body was still developing. She was a little paler than usual, but that was to be expected as the weather turned colder and everyone turned indoors, away from the sun.

Her stomach contracted and she felt a small cramp shudder its way across her lower abdomen. Anybodys frowned, pressing a hand against the area; she probably _was_ going through PMS. Taking some aspirin wouldn't be such a bad idea. She opened the bathroom door and padded through the bedroom.

"Babe, have ya seen my shirt?" A-Rab asked from the closet, where he was shoving hangers aside and rummaging through the piles of folded shirts they hardly ever wore on a shelf.

Anybodys leaned against the doorframe. "This one?" she asked, plucking at the t-shirt she was wearing. She'd stopped buying pajamas completely once she discovered that he harbored no complaints about her wearing his t-shirts and boxers to bed; they never stayed on for long anyway.

"Naw, the one fer work," A-Rab said, trying to keep the impatience out of his tone.

"Nah; I kinda like ya without one," Anybodys said carelessly.

A-Rab, who had decided that his shirt was not in the closet, paused to flash her a cheeky grin as he moved past her and gave her rear a pat. "An' as much as I like ya with my clothes on, I like ya better without 'em."

"I can fix that," Anybodys offered, following him into the laundry room. She didn't really mean it; he had to go to work in a little bit and she was having cramps anyway.

A-Rab shook his head as he bent over the basket and yanked things out of it, affording Anybodys a rather lovely view. Maybe she _was_ serious about her offer… "It's a temptin' offer," he assured her. "But I gotta work."

"Yer loss," Anybodys said lightly, leaning against the washer and allowing herself to appreciate the sight of a shirtless A-Rab bent over and displaying his rather nice ass.

"Damn it," A-Rab groaned, straightening up. "It ain't been washed yet."

"Don't look at me; _you_ do the laundry," Anybodys reminded him.

"I know," A-Rab groaned. "Well…I'm gonna get it dirty anyway. Just wet it an' put it in the dryer, I guess." He turned on the faucet and stuck the balled-up shirt under it for a second before turning off the water and tossing it in the dryer. He glanced at Anybodys and grinned. "We got some time ta kill," he reminded her, his hands coming out to rest on her hips.

"Thought ya had ta work," Anybodys reminded him, but she wasn't complaining as one of his hands slipped under her shirt and fingered the waistline of her underwear.

"Can't go ta work 'til the shirt's ready," A-Rab reminded her, slowly backing her against the dryer.

"It's almost that time-a the month," Anybodys said, but her resolve was almost gone as she felt the steady rhythm of the dryer behind her and A-Rab's hips in front of her.

"Then we'd better hurry," A-Rab quipped, hoisting her up to sit on the dryer.

Anybodys couldn't exactly argue with this logic.


	6. One Month and One Week

_Five Weeks_

Anybodys glanced up at the clock and groaned. Thirty minutes until her shift ended. She wasn't sure if she could hold up for that long. People were hailing her left, right and center, calling for more drinks. The phone was ringing off the hook and Natalie, who was supposed to be answering the damn thing, was busy flirting with a sleaze ball who had surreptitiously removed his wedding ring before engaging her in conversation. Her head gave a dull throb, threatening to turn into a full-on headache, and she tried very hard not to think about the fact that she had to pee like a racehorse.

Anybodys shoved the tray of empty drinks on the counter and snatched up the phone, saying in agitation, "O'Grady's, this is Annie." Gary felt that his customers might not take her seriously if she kept the name Anybodys, and since he did not want to lose business, he had pleaded with her to consider Annie. A-Rab pointed out that her sister and her husband still referred to her as Annie and that it didn't sound too different from Any, so she had grudgingly agreed.

"Yeah, I'd like a burger and a shake ta go."

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "Whaddya want, Ricky?" she asked her brother-in-law.

"Well, _someone's_ in a chipper mood today…"

"I'm kinda busy, Ricky," Anybodys said, impatient to get off the phone and to the bathroom.

"Okay, okay, don't get yer panties in a knot. What're you doin' tomorrow night?"

"I'm gonna guess babysittin' fer you an' Sissy," Anybodys said in a dull monotone. "Is it so hard for ya ta find a sitter?"

"Why pay someone when you can get family to do it for free?" Ricky snorted.

"An' ya want I an' A-Rab doin' it?" Anybodys asked, doubtful. "What about Minnie an' Baby John, or Jimmy?"

"Well, I already asked Minnie, but their kids've got a cold or somethin', an' we don't want our kids gettin' that, an' I asked Jimmy, but he's got a date that night—"

"Jimmy has a _date_?" Anybodys repeated in disbelief.

"—which leaves you an' A-Rab."

Anybodys sighed, adjusting the phone as she filled up a glass. "I dunno…"

"Aw, Annie, come on, they're yer sister's kids! What kind of aunt are you?"

Anybodys rolled her eyes again and filled up another glass. "Fine. But we have the same conditions."

"Help yerself ta any of the food, you can leave the cat outside, an' you are not responsible fer any injuries that the children sustain," Ricky prattled off at once. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Just be here at six. An' _no goin' in our room._"

"All right, all right. Look, I gotta go. I'll see ya tomorrah," Anybodys said hurriedly, hanging up as a customer banged his glass against the counter and shouted for more beer. "Like ya need it," she muttered.

"Annie, don't forget to clean up after table five," Natalie reminded her, tucking the married man's number into her apron as he left.

Anybodys groaned and stomped towards the table in question, shoving a lager at a portly gentleman as she did so. She poured the ice from one glass into the other and stacked them, stuffing the trash into the topmost glass. She shoved them on the counter for Natalie to deal with and snatched up the spray-bottle, spritzing the table and wiping the tabletop down with her rag. Another group sat down immediately and she huffed as she was shoved aside.

"Annie!" Natalie called.

Anybodys held up a finger. "Gimme a second while I pee!"

Natalie pouted, but Anybodys was already sprinting to the restroom. She practically shoved aside two college-age girls who were gabbing about a party they had attended recently and slammed the stall door shut. After washing her hands, she gripped the sink and closed her eyes, leaning forward. A headache was developing and she suddenly noticed that she was just not getting enough sleep. A glass crashed outside and the sound made Anybodys wince.

The door opened. "Annie?" Natalie called. "Annie, yer boyfriend's here. I told him yer shift ain't over yet, but he said that was too bad, an' I told him he would hafta take it up with Gary, an' Gary took one look at him an' said you could go."

Anybodys rolled her eyes; A-Rab had been using the incident of a couple weeks ago to intimidate Gary. So far he had not argued when she clocked in later than she was supposed to and clocked out earlier than she was supposed to, and she still received a pay raise. "I'm comin'," she answered, moving towards the door. A wave of dizziness washed over her and she paused, swaying on the spot.

"Annie?" Natalie asked, worried.

Anybodys leaned against the wall and blinked until the little spots cleared from her vision and the floor felt flat again.

"You okay?" Natalie pressed, face concerned.

Anybodys nodded slowly, not wanting to feel dizzy again. "Yeah. Yeah, just a little tired. It kinda hit me. Look…don't tell A-Rab, okay?"

"Don't tell A-Rab?" Natalie repeated, incredulous.

"He's a nut; he'll have a cow an' say I'm bein' overworked an' try ta get me ta take a week off," Anybodys explained. This was true. Although he'd never admit it, A-Rab worried about her more than was probably healthy; if he found out she had swooned (ugh; what a sissy word) in the bathroom, he would demand she see a doctor and that Gary stop making her work so much and overall annoy her.

Natalie shrugged. "Okay…if you say so." She held the door open for Anybodys, who untied her apron.

A-Rab, who was doing his very best imitation of Ice's Glare and aiming it at Gary (who looked as if he might wet his pants any moment now), grinned when he saw her and snaked his arms around her waist in what she personally felt was a gesture to remind Gary that she was his girlfriend. As if the other man had forgotten. "Ya ready?"

"Yer such a bastard," she groaned.

"Nah, yer boss is just a pussy," A-Rab told her.

"Hey, waitress!" somebody shouted.

A-Rab gave the man a Glare. "She's off the clock."

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "Can I go, Gary?"

"Uh, sure, of course," a very harried-looking Gary spluttered.

Anybodys untied her apron and dropped it on the counter, allowing A-Rab to put his arm around her waist and guide her out. "So, we're watchin' Sissy's kids tomorrah night."

A-Rab, who had been walking with a definitely triumphant spring in his step, drooped at once. "Aww, _Aaaannnnyyyyy_!" he whined. "I don't _wanna_!"

"Yeah, well, they can't find anyone else," Anybodys said, shrugging. She winced a little; the headache was getting worse.

"Well, least those kids are heavy sleepers," A-Rab said in a low voice, nuzzling her ear.

Anybodys wasn't sure quite why, but she didn't feel like being touched; it made her nauseous. She leaned away from him. "I gotta headache."

A-Rab pouted. "We ain't even in bed yet!"

"I ain't lyin'; I gotta headache!" Anybodys protested. For once, it was true; this time she really did have a headache and was in no mood to put up with his many, many wants.

A-Rab scrutinized her suspiciously. "Gary workin' you too hard?"

"_No_, A-Rab," Anybodys ground out. "He's scared ta death of ya an' he won't push me fer nothin'. Can't ya just leave it alone?"

"Geeze, ya don't gotta snap at me," A-Rab muttered.

Anybodys ignored him, wincing as another wave of nausea and the accompanying dizziness swept over her. Maybe taking some Saltines and Ginger Ale would be a good idea…

"Any? You okay?" A-Rab was asking, watching her in slight concern.

Anybodys shook her head. "Nah; this headache's gettin' worse."

A-Rab was quiet for a moment before stating, "Ya sure been actin' real funny lately."

"How?" Anybodys asked, immediately defensive.

A-Rab shrugged. "I dunno…kinda like ya get before yer, uh, time-a the month, only it don't seem ta be comin'."

"It will," Anybodys groaned, already unhappy at the thought. "Believe me, it'll come."


	7. One Month and Two Weeks

_Six Weeks_

There were fewer things more humiliating than crouching on the dirty floor of a bar, leaning over a toilet that was probably cleaned once a week and throwing up the contents of one's stomach. Anybodys hated throwing up. Well, all right, so nobody _enjoyed_ it. Still. Anybodys hated throwing up because she hated the loss of control, the fact that her body was doing something she didn't want it to be doing and all she could do was grip the toilet seat and pray for it to end.

Once Anybodys was sure that her stomach was done, she flushed the toilet and got up, wiping her mouth. She'd been sick to her stomach all week, and it was starting to annoy her. The first couple of days, she'd taken off work and stayed at home with only Saltine crackers and Ginger Ale to sate her; but she'd soon figured out that she had no fever and no runny nose or any of the usual symptoms that accompanied a flu or a virus, so she'd gone back to work. It wasn't bad, really; if she avoided certain smells and certain foods, she was fine. Still, she _had_ been vomiting about two to three times a day at least, and that wasn't normal.

Anybodys glanced at her face in the mirror; she looked a tiny bit paler than normal, and there were faint rings under her eyes, but otherwise she looked all right. A-Rab would be coming by any moment now, and if he had found out she was throwing up again, he'd flip his lid. God, but he could be a worry-wart. Anybodys rolled her eyes at the thought of his probable reaction and pushed open the bathroom door. Not many people were around; it wasn't even five o'clock yet.

Natalie, who was inspecting her hair for split ends, raised an eyebrow as Anybodys grabbed her Coke and took a careful sip. "You okay?"

"Fine," Anybodys replied, deciding that her stomach had indeed settled and it was safe to take deeper sips.

"Guess it don't really matter, considering in a few minutes, you'll never work here again," Natalie said, shrugging. Anybodys had finally accepted Action's job offer and was leaving O'Grady's for the Bootlegger; this was her last shift. Gary seemed relieved to let her go; A-Rab scared the crap out of him every time he came by to drop off or pick up Anybodys.

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "I ain't sick; I just…my stomach ain't been too good. Probably eatin' too much junk." This was not true and she knew it; Anybodys had made no deviations from her usual diet.

Natalie shrugged again. "If you say so." She paused. "It'll be kinda quiet without you."

Anybodys stared. "If ya hug me, I'll stab ya."

Natalie laughed. "Wouldn't dream of it."

The door banged open and A-Rab sauntered through. "Ready ta go?" he asked Anybodys, ignoring Gary (who was inching away to his office) completely.

Anybodys rolled her eyes but smiled. "Yeah, I'm ready." She untied her apron and dropped it on the counter. "Well…bye," she said awkwardly to Natalie.

"Bye, Annie!" Natalie chirped.

"Thank _God_," Anybodys sighed the moment they were out of the place.

A-Rab laughed. "Glad ta be gone?"

"You have no idea. Least I know Action'll let me clobber anybody who gets on my nerves," Anybodys said, leaning into A-Rab. "An' he'll let me swear without givin' me a speech about not offendin' the customers. Like they give a shit."

"An' he won't hit on ya," A-Rab muttered.

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "You have _got_ ta let that go! He asked me ta dinner _one time_!"

"The fact that he asked ya ta all is what's botherin' me," A-Rab reminded her. "Thank God Action's never had the hots for ya."

Anybodys huffed. "Gary said, 'Annie, ya been workin' all day, how about some dinner on me?' Does that _sound_ like a come on to you?"

"From him? Hell _yes_. He's a pansy; probably took him eight years ta work up the balls—not that he's got any—ta ask ya out!" A-Rab argued.

Anybodys decided against pointing out that technically she had only been working for Gary for four years, so he couldn't actually have been working up the courage to ask her out for eight years. Hell, eight years ago she'd been a scrawny fifteen-year-old who could have easily passed for one of the Jets if she kept her mouth shut long enough. Instead, she gave him a light shove before pushing open the door to the Bootlegger. "I need a drink."

Action grinned and poured her usual, sliding it across to her as A-Rab dropped onto the stool beside her. "So…"

"So, I ain't workin' at O'Grady's anymore, an' I'm workin' fer you now," Anybodys said in a mildly impatient tone, reaching for her beer.

Big Deal and Snowboy hummed a funeral march. Mouthpiece, who was happily dipping an olive in and out of his martini, began to join in before branching off into "Yankee Doodle." "An' called it MACARONI!" he finished loudly, plopping the olive into his mouth. "Y'know, Big Deal, ya oughta serve macaroni at the restaurant."

Big Deal wisely chose against dignifying this comment with a reply.

"It's gonna be weird, havin' ya work here," Tiger informed Anybodys seriously. "I mean, Action ain't never had a girl work here before."

"Yeah, but it's _Anybodys_—she don't hardly count as a girl," Gee-Tar sniggered, ducking as she threw a fist at him. She got most of his cheek. "Ow," he whined, rubbing the spot.

"Watch it, or I'll slip somethin' special in your drink someday," Anybodys warned him.

Gee-Tar muttered something about "stupid Action…lettin' a dame work…damn shame…" He tipped his head back and drained the rest of his apple martini. "Guess I'd better get home…the old lady's gonna nag my damn head off if I don't."

As soon as the door had shut behind Gee-Tar, Big Deal said, "He's lyin'; Bernice don't care when he comes home. He's just tryin' ta make sure she ain't sleepin' with the cable repairman."

"Is she?" Snowboy asked in deep interest.

Big Deal smirked. "Well, now, I wouldn't be a very good brother-in-law if I told ya, would I?"

Anybodys set down her beer, trying to take a deep breath without being noticed. "I gotta pee," she mumbled to A-Rab, fighting to keep her voice steady.

"Okay," he said, shrugging and taking a swig from his beer.

Anybodys walked as quickly as she could to the bathroom without arousing suspicion. As soon as she had locked the bathroom stall, she dropped to her knees just in time. A wave of humiliation washed over her as her stomach convulsed—here she was, once again helplessly clinging to a dirty toilet seat as her body moved without her consent. She thanked God no one else was in the bathroom with her; the last thing she needed right now was for a bunch of chicks freaking out.

After a few moments, Anybodys decided that she was done and spat out the remainder of crud in her mouth. She wiped her mouth as she stood up, flushing the toilet. The beer was what had done it, which was odd, because Anybodys had never in her life willingly turned down a beer. She splashed some warm water on her face and, upon deciding that she looked fine, went back out to the guys. No one paid her any mind as she reached forward and delicately (a word rarely associated with Anybodys) nibbled at some party mix—the beer was left alone for the rest of the evening, and her stomach remained mercifully calm.


	8. One Month and Three Weeks

A/N: If you've read this fic before October 7th, 2010, you'll notice that this chapter and the next are _completely_ different. I decided that I didn't like the original versions very much, so I changed them, and I'm much more satisfied with the result. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Midge is the sole property of **RhapsodyInProgress**, who was generous enough to let me borrow the best OC in the history of OCs.

* * *

_Seven Weeks_

"Yer…yer havin' a _baby_?" Anybodys repeated in disbelief.

"Sometime in late May or early June, yes," Midge replied, her tone sounding much less brisk than usual.

"That's…that's great," Anybodys lied, wondering why on earth Midge hadn't made preemptive attempts to prevent Mouthpiece from ever reproducing. "How far along are ya?"

"Two months. I won't be showing for at least another month."

"So…how didja find out?" Anybodys asked, more to be polite than because she actually cared.

"Well, I was displaying many of the usual symptoms; morning sickness (although why it's called _morning_ sickness is beyond me; you get sick to your stomach at the drop of a hat), headaches, abdominal cramps, fatigue, and I hadn't menstruated in well over a month, which is quite unusual for me; I am very regular, you know," Midge informed Anybodys with great pride. "I asked Snowboy if he thought I had a viable case for pregnancy—he's still green, but he _is_ a licensed obstetrician now—and he encouraged me to visit my doctor, so I did, and the rest is history, I suppose."

Anybodys considered this. Was she…? No, surely it was a coincidence. Surely. "Does that _always_ mean yer pregnant?" she asked with trepidation, figuring that there _had_ to be some other reason for throwing up all day and having cramps and headaches.

"The symptoms? Well, no, not always, but the combination of them is almost always indicative of pregnancy," Midge explained. There was a loud crash in the background. "…please excuse me; Mouthpiece—"

"See ya," Anybodys said, hanging up—but not before she heard a wail on the other line. She stared at the phone for a long moment. Then, without quite knowing why, she snatched it up and dialed.

"Dr. Boyer speaking."

Anybodys swallowed. "Snowboy? This is Anybodys. Listen, I got a favor ta ask ya…"

* * *

"I'm home!"

"I'm in here."

A-Rab passed through the kitchen and into the living room. He raised his eyebrows. "You okay?"

Anybodys was sitting cross-legged on the couch, gazing intently at the hands folded in her lap. She took a deep breath, not quite looking at him. "Sort of."

"What happened, didja kill somebody?" A-Rab teased.

Anybodys was quiet for a long minute. "Well, I killed the rabbit," she said quietly, finally meeting his eyes.

"The rabbit…?" A-Rab's confusion melted. "O-_Oh_."

"Yeah." She cleared her throat, dropping her eyes again. She hadn't moved since Snowboy had called, still trying to accept the fact that she was having a _baby_.

He stared for a long minute before dropping into the chair beside him. After a strangled pause, he asked the only thing he could get out of his mouth. "What happened?"

She cleared her throat again, and it occurred to A-Rab that she was trembling. "I, um, got a call from Midge today. She an' Mouthpiece are havin' a kid. She mentioned some-a the symptoms, an'…well, I called Snowboy an' asked if he'd, y'know…gimme a test. I went in yesterday, an' he called about an hour ago."

A-Rab was not sure what to say. He and Anybodys had been sleeping together for over seven years with little protection—they'd figured him knocking her up was unlikely. A baby just wasn't something they'd ever really seen in their future. "So…what…what're ya gonna do?"

Her blue eyes flashed, and she felt a surge of anger. "What'm _I_ gonna do? Looks like you got me inta this mess."

"I know _that_," he snapped, feeling his hackles rise. "I'm just askin'…are ya gonna…do ya _wanna_ keep it?"

"I ain't gonna pay some fake doctor with a coat hanger ta get rid of it, if that's what yer askin'," she snapped back.

"I was just askin'!" A-Rab ran a hand through his hair. "I mean, you could give it up fer adoption—"

"I know you don't want a kid, A-Rab, but maybe I do," Anybodys said harshly, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

"Since when did you wanna be a mom?" he challenged, remembering how just very recently, she had declared that she never wanted kids.

"Since I found out I was gonna be one!" She glared at him for several moments before averting her eyes again. "Look, I know you don't want this, so I ain't askin' ya ta help."

"Yeah? An' how're ya gonna take care-a yerself _and_ a kid on yer paycheck?" he asked in a much gentler tone than before, moving to sit beside her on the couch. "Hell, Anybodys, you can't even flip a pancake without destroyin' the kitchen."

"I don't want you ta stay with me just 'cause I'm knocked up," she mumbled. She'd seen plenty of those couples who had shotgun weddings and ended up making not only themselves miserable but their kids miserable as well; it was the story of half the families in the Upper West Side, and it wasn't going to happen to be hers.

"Well, I ain't gonna leave ya just 'cause yer knocked up," he said firmly. "I'm still nuts about you, little girl, even if ya are gonna swell up like the Hindenburg in a few months." He moved an arm around her, and she curled up against him.

"I'm scared," she admitted.

"Me too," he confessed. "But it's gonna be okay." He paused. "I mean, if Mouthpiece can have a kid, we _definitely_ can."


	9. Two Months

_Eight Weeks_

Anybodys looked up and rolled her eyes for what had to be the fiftieth time today alone. "It's the size of a peanut, Action; you ain't gonna see it yet."

"It looks bigger," Action insisted, eyes still glued to her stomach.

Anybodys sighed, wiping down the counter. "I don't see how, considerin' I upchuck everythin' I eat."

Action stared for another minute. Then, "Do ya feel it kickin' yet?"

Anybodys snorted. "No. Don't you have a kid?"

"I didn't even know Pauline was pregnant 'til after she dumped me with Elvis! I ain't even sure he's _mine_," Action reminded her.

"Because the fact that he's yer clone—"

"The _point_," he interrupted, "is that I don't know anything about expectin' mothers."

"Yeah, well, that makes two of us," Anybodys muttered.

"Aw, ya'll be fine; I mean, my parents didn't know anything about kids, an' I an' my bruddah—" Action cut off, frowning. "Well, okay, maybe he didn't turn out so good…"

"Thanks, Action," she said, rolling her eyes and dropping her rag. "I hafta puke again."

This time it was Action's turn to roll his eyes; Anybodys had been skipping off to the bathroom every half an hour at _least_, and it was starting to get on his nerves. "It's like she did it once she started workin' here," he muttered to himself.

The door opened, followed by the Jet whistle. "Hey, buddy-boy."

"Hey," Action returned, holding a glass under the tap.

"Ya seen Anybodys?" A-Rab wanted to know, taking a seat at the bar.

Action rolled his eyes. "She's in the bathroom. Again."

"Talkin' about me?" Anybodys demanded to know as she emerged from the bathroom.

"Thought you was upchuckin'," Action accused, sliding a beer to A-Rab.

"It ain't like there was a lot ta upchuck, considerin' I ain't eaten anythin' since the last _ten times_ I puked," she reminded him morosely.

A-Rab frowned. "Yer still _eatin'_, though, ain'tcha?" he said in a very stern voice, his hand reaching out to touch her stomach as if to feel if there was still a child within.

"No, I'm starvin' myself; I thought I'd miscarry, see," she said seriously.

A-Rab smacked her rear in admonishment. "I gotta talk ta ya about somethin'."

"Shoot."

A-Rab pulled her to the side where they were in less danger of being overheard. "Y'know how sometimes we do stupid, crazy shit?"

Anybodys raised an eyebrow. "Like throw donuts at squad cars? Sure."

A-Rab had a glint in his eyes. "Let's get _married_."

Anybodys stared for so long that his grin began to slip. "What?" he asked, self-conscious.

"Are you _insane_?" she hissed, eyes darting around the room. "We ain't gettin' _married_."

"Why not?" he challenged.

"'Cause…'cause we ain't the marryin' _type_," she tried to explain.

"Yeah, an' we weren't the type ta have kids, either, were we?" he reminded her. "Think about it: we're havin' a kid, we love each other, an' we're already livin' together—why not?" Seeing that she was still not convinced, he added, "The only thing that would change is that we'd both be wearin' rings, an' that ain't a big deal. We could get married by a justice of the peace or somethin' tonight; no big church thing with everybody an' his brother there." He smirked. "I know most people go ta Niagara Falls or somethin' fer their honeymoon, but I was thinkin' we could just stay in bed the whole time."

Anybodys considered it. A-Rab was right; they could easily get married in an incredibly small ceremony tonight and keep going with their lives as if nothing had changed. "Yer nuts," she finally decided.

"And?" he prompted.

She was quiet for a minute. "Action," she finally said, her eyes never leaving A-Rab's. "I'm takin' a week off."

"_What_?"

But A-Rab and Anybodys were already headed out the door, hand in hand and grinning like idiots.


	10. Two Months and One Week

_Nine Weeks_

For their first week of married life, A-Rab and Anybodys only left their bed to use the bathroom and for the occasional meals at the table and (in Anybodys's case) to run to the bathroom for morning sickness. It was all the honeymoon they needed.

They quickly discovered that it was a mistake to answer the phone after Sissy called and, after Anybodys confessed the reason she had disappeared was because she'd gotten married, screamed for an hour about how Annie was her sister and how she should've been the first to know and should've at _least_ been invited to the wedding. When the screaming finally ended, she demanded to know every detail about the wedding and how big the ring was.

Several other people called, asking if it was true that they were married—Sissy had told them. This happened so many times that they finally unplugged the phone altogether.

About halfway through their honeymoon, someone finally pounded on the door. A-Rab groaned and rolled over. Anybodys shook her head, smirking. "Aw, now ya wouldn't make the pregnant woman do it, would ya?"

A-Rab groaned again as he sat up, the sheet pooling around his waist. He pulled on his boxers and jeans that he hadn't worn in about three days and padded to the door, yawning and rubbing his eyes. The minute he unlocked it, Action lunged through the door. "What's this I hear about youse guys gettin' hitched, eh?"

A-Rab rubbed his eyes as he closed the door. "Who told ya; Sissy?"

Action scowled. "So it's true?" He shook his head. "Man, an' here I was thinkin' like a dope that you was the only fella who wasn't gonna turn inta a pussy."

Anybodys came padding out from the bedroom, one of A-Rab's t-shirts hanging off of her still-spindly frame—he hoped to God she was wearing underwear. She yawned and leaned against A-Rab, who obligingly wrapping an arm around her waist. "Thought I heard ya jabberin' yer mouth off, Action."

Action seized her hand for inspection, scowling as he saw the rings that had been purchased very last-minute. "Damn it, you pussy!" he spat at A-Rab. "Why the hell wasn't I invited? I'm only yer best pal an' her boss!"

"It was kinda sudden," A-Rab admitted, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head as Anybodys yawned again. "That's why they call 'em shotgun weddings, I guess."

Anybodys frowned. "Action, are you _cryin'_?"

Action gave her a watery glare. "No, I am not _cryin'_," he said in a thick voice. "I am just pissed off. Goodbye." As the door slammed shut behind him, A-Rab swore he heard a sob.

* * *

When the week was over and the newlyweds were forced to leave their bed and return to the outside world, they realized with a start that Thanksgiving was upon them. Minnie and Baby John were hosting it at their house this year, and the couple prepared themselves for the explosion of decorations they were sure to find. Sure enough, a festive, autumn-themed wreath hung on the door, and a fake turkey sat outside the door, looking at them with a disgustingly saccharine expression.

The door was opened by Richie; a peek inside revealed that no one else was able to do so. There was a loud clattering of pots and pans in the kitchen and the cooing of a baby; in the living room, the riotous cheers of football fans sounded from the television. The twins, who were peering out from between Richie's legs, did not attack A-Rab and Anybodys this time, which surprised the couple. Instead, they stared at Anybodys's stomach, and JJ finally said, "Mama said you got a baby in there."

"Um, yeah, I do," Anybodys agreed, relieved for the lack of hitting.

"So we're not allowed ta be rough to ya," Skippy supplied.

"Do you got a baby in your tummy, Uncle A?" JJ asked, turning to A-Rab.

"No," A-Rab said, snorting. "Men don't have babies." He realized only a moment too late that he shouldn't have said this, because the twins immediately jumped on him.

Minnie's father came over and swooped down to grab both boys. "Hey, little soldiers, don't hit your Uncle A." He peered at A-Rab and Anybodys with a critical eye. "I heard you two finally tied the knot."

"Yessir," A-Rab said politely; although he and Mr. Goddard were not technically related, he still felt as nervous around the older man as any man would around a father-in-law.

Anybodys suddenly went pale. "Um…I'll be back…" And she promptly dashed to the bathroom.

"In case you didn't figure it out already, the Rabinowitzes are here," Mr. Goddard declared loudly, turning inside the apartment. A-Rab followed, a little annoyed that his partner-in-crime had to leave him with the man who had threatened him with prison more times than he cared to count.

Sissy poked her head out of the kitchen and smiled. "Hi, A-Rab!...where's Annie?"

"Throwin' up," A-Rab said calmly. "She probably smelled somethin' an' went runnin'."

Sissy clucked her tongue sympathetically. Two small blurs darted past her and she held out her stirring spoon warningly. "Paul, stop chasin' yer sister!" she chastised. "Honestly, I thought he'd grow out of it by seven."

Dorothy, who was sitting in a highchair at the back of the kitchen and away from all the commotion, hurled a handful of cheerios at A-Rab and promptly laughed.

"No, no, no," Mrs. Goddard sang cheerily, cleaning up the cheerios. "Big girls don't make messes!"

Anybodys reappeared at the kitchen door, looking a little washed out but overall healthy. Sissy, Minnie, and Mrs. Goddard immediately squealed and flocked to her, wanting to know every infinitesimal detail about her pregnancy and her wedding. Baby John, who had just shooed the twins out of the kitchen, grinned at A-Rab. "So, you finally did it."

A-Rab threw him a look. "Whaddya mean _finally_?"

Baby John shrugged. "Well, we all knew it was gonna happen sooner or later; some-a the guys even set up a pool. But I'm happy for ya, buddy-boy, I really am. Annie's like a sister ta me, an' I can't think-a anyone better for her."

"Well…thanks," A-Rab said, fidgeting awkwardly. Baby John was a lot more open with his emotions than A-Rab was.

Ricky clapped a hand on A-Rab's shoulder. "Well, I guess we're related now. Sort of. Kind of. Anyway, guess I an' Sissy'll hafta start returning all the babysitting favors."

"Oh yeah," A-Rab said, lighting up as he realized that he would soon have the privilege of bossing around the people who took care of his child. Although, he thought with a frown, if they were anything like him and Anybodys, they would be jumping each other all over the apartment…

"Dinner's almost ready; if you boys could just set the table," Mrs. Goddard said, pulling the lid off of the porcelain container of stuffing.

"Sure thing, ma," Ricky said, grabbing a handful of silverware wrapped in festive napkins and leading the way to the living room, where the kitchen table had been brought out and extended. A smaller folding table sat nearby; the kid's table. A-Rab and Baby John followed suit, placing the silverware beside the plates, all of which had sloppily-written name cards on them. "Paul's idea," Ricky said, sounding rather proud.

"That's cute," Baby John said, smiling.

A-Rab decided not to comment on the "Unkel A" card, nor the "Ant Anee" one. Instead, he forced a smile. "Yeah…real cute."

Ten minutes later, the children were seated at the kids' table, the highchair had been pulled to the end of the table nearest Minnie, everyone was seated, and Baby John was cutting the turkey, nervously following his father-in-law's rather bossy instructions.

Just think," Minnie said, beaming at the newlyweds, "this time next year, we'll have another guest at Thanksgiving Dinner!"

"What?" A-Rab asked, confused. "Oh! Yeah."

Anybodys rolled her eyes at him and smiled at Minnie. "Sure this place can hold that many?"

Minnie glanced at Baby John, who smiled at her over the turkey. "Well," she said slowly, "we were actually thinking that, well…we really don't want Dorothy to be our last, and…well…maybe we ought to move to a bigger house."

"Out in the suburbs," Baby John piped up, his smile fading as he caught his father-in-law's expression.

"But…_why_?" Anybodys asked, aghast. "Ya've _always_ lived here!"

"Yes, but, well, we've talked and decided that if our family gets any bigger, we'll have to find a bigger apartment, and those are awful pricey," Minnie defended weakly. "You should see some of these places in the suburbs; entire houses that cost as much as this place!"

"I was born in the suburbs, an' from what I remember, it was real nice," Baby John supplied.

"Well, _I_ think it's a wonderful idea," Mrs. Goddard said in a well-that-solves-it sort of tone.

"Yeah; kids are less likely to end up as hoodlums," Mr. Goddard said grimly.

"Dad, not _all_ kids raised in the city are hoodlums," Ricky said, rolling his eyes.

"Most of 'em are," Mr. Goddard muttered, his eyes fixed on A-Rab and Anybodys in particular.

"Oh, George, honestly!" Mrs. Goddard chided, giving him a small pinch.

The turkey was served and the dishes passed around; Anybodys didn't take any green beans, but she did load an inordinate amount of cranberry sauce onto her plate. "I dunno, I just really have a cravin' fer somethin' fruity," she muttered to A-Rab.

"So, what're you plannin' on namin' the baby?" Sissy asked, taking a bite of stuffing.

A-Rab promptly choked on his roll. Anybodys thumped him on the back, turning to her sister. "It's a little early ta be thinkin' about that, isn't it?" she asked weakly.

"Yeah," A-Rab wheezed, drinking some water.

Sissy shrugged. "Well, yeah, but I an' Ricky were thinkin'-a names from the minute we found out."

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "Well, I mean, we got seven months ta be thinkin'-a names."

"Family names are always wonderful," Mrs. Goddard said, clearly putting serious thought into this.

The couple exchanged glances.

"We…don't really like anyone in our family," Anybodys said carefully.

"You liked mom," Sissy reminded her.

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "Because namin' our daughter _Birgid_ ain't cruel at _all_. She's already gonna have the last name-a _Rabinowitz_; she don't need double torture."

"An' how d'ya know it's gonna be a _girl_?" A-Rab spoke up.

"Sometimes you can just tell," Sissy said with a sort of dreamy expression. "Mother's intuition an' all that."

"Ain't she the best?" Ricky seemed to say rather than ask, nuzzling a giggling Sissy.

Anybodys, who had seen them make similar displays of affection twelve years ago, stared. "I hafta go throw up now," she finally said after a long pause, getting up and walking quickly from the table. A-Rab had a feeling she was just making it up. He wished he had the excuse of a fetus growing inside of him to get out of awkward situations, like watching his sister-in-law and her husband _nuzzling_ over Thanksgiving dinner. His appetite was starting to wane.

"So…what's everyone thankful for this year?" Minnie piped up.


	11. Two Months and Two Weeks

A/N: There is a part near the end of the chapter that I borrowed from "The Office." It had me giggling for about ten days, so I couldn't resist using it. Also, it should be noted that when my mother was pregnant with me, my dad was forced to make his coffee outside on the deck, no matter how cold it was.

* * *

_Ten Weeks_

Big Deal grinned as he pushed open the door to the Bootlegger. "Hey, daddy-o."

Action nodded his head warmly. "What's shakin', buddy-boy?"

Big Deal raised a paper bag in his hand. "A-Rab called; he started freakin' out 'cause Anybodys's is workin' through lunch today an' he thinks she's gonna forget ta feed herself. So he sent me over ta make sure she ate an' didn't miscarry or somethin'. I'm gonna guess she _hasn't_?"

Action rolled his eyes. "'Course not. She's ready ta snap my neck, which means she's about as healthy as can be."

Big Deal laughed. "What'd ya do?"

Action sighed as he refilled a glass. "She's freakin' me out with all that pukin', but she guilted me inta lettin' her work, so I made her stay in the back away from the customahs."

Big Deal raised his eyebrows, impressed. "You _made_ her?"

Action grimaced. "It wasn't easy, I'll tell ya that right now, but I finally got her ta do it."

As Action handed the refilled beer to the customer, Big Deal noticed red marks that looked suspiciously like Indian burns on Action's arm; he wisely decided not to comment on these. Instead, he let out a low whistle. "_Wow_. I'm impressed."

"So'm I," Action said seriously.

"Think she'll eat me if she sees me?" Big Deal asked in what Action thought was an inappropriately mild tone, given the situation.

"If yer bringin' her food? _Hell_ no," Action snorted. "But just in case, be prepared ta duck."

Now it was Big Deal's turn to snort. "You forget that I went through the same thing with Clarice."

"Yeah, but I mean, Anybodys is always pissy when she's hungry, an' it's even woise with a kid on the way," Action said, shrugging. "She's in the office. Want some coffee or somethin'?"

"Coffee would be great, thanks," Big Deal said, striding to the back of the bar and down a small corridor. Two doors on the right were marked as restrooms; the door at the end of the hallway and the two on the left were for employees only. He pushed through the first one, poking his head in and beaming. "Hel_lo_, my good madam!"

Anybodys, who was sitting at the desk and working on a long column of messy figures, gave him a look that, were he not accustomed to it, would have made his blood freeze. Not that it didn't chill a little. "The fuck do you want?" she growled. _Growled_.

Big Deal held up the bag of food quickly, holding it before him as a shield. "I brought ya lunch."

Anybodys looked at him with suspicion. "What is it?"

Big Deal peered into the bag. "I ain't entirely sure, since Mouthpiece packed it for ya, but it looks like fried jumbo shrimp, hushpuppies, fries, a baked potato…ooh, an' French bread."

"Oh my God, yer a saint. Gimme," Anybodys said in a different tone entirely, motioning for him to bring her the bag.

Big Deal chuckled as he handed her the bag and she tore into it with all the wild ferocity of a lion attacking an antelope. "So, how's the baby?"

"Hungry," Anybodys managed around a mouthful of shrimp. "_God_, I was starvin'." Her euphoric expression, however, quickly turned to one of suspicion. "Why'd ya bring me food, anyway?"

Big Deal rubbed the back of his neck, perching on the desk. "A-Rab wasn't sure he could get away from work, so he asked me ta bring ya somethin' an' make sure you wasn't overexertin' yerself or drinkin' or smokin' or anything."

"Figures," Anybodys muttered.

Big Deal cocked his head. "You _are_ takin' care-a yerself, ain'tcha?"

Anybodys cast him a highly annoyed look. "Why the hell does everybody assume I'm gonna kill my child?"

Big Deal scooted a few inches away from her, just to be safe. "I didn't say that, I'm just askin' a question! Geeze!"

Anybodys toyed with a fry. "People keep askin' that. Like they don't think I _oughta_ have a baby or somethin'." Without the slightest bit of warning whatsoever, she promptly burst into tears.

Big Deal, alarmed, stared at her, highly uncertain of what to do. Clarice had been emotional during her pregnancy, but at least he had been given some _warning_. And at least Clarice didn't full-out _wail_. Well, okay, she did, but Anybodys's wailing was somehow much more unnerving. Maybe he should've sent Mouthpiece over here. He hesitated before reaching out and patting her red head cautiously. "Uh, there, there?"

Anybodys grabbed a tissue and practically honked into it. Just as suddenly as her tears had come, they disappeared and were replaced by a scowl that made Big Deal a little bit scared. "You tell anyone about this an' I'll make sure you can't have kids anymore."

Big Deal gulped. "Understood," he said in a squeaky voice. No, sending Mouthpiece over here would just have sent the considerably-less-intelligent Jet into the ER.

The door burst open to reveal A-Rab. "Hey, babe, hey, Big Deal!" he greeted in bright voice. "Aw, babe, ya been cryin' again?"

In response, Anybodys shrugged him off roughly as he swooped down to kiss her. "I thought you was workin'."

"I got away," A-Rab said, shrugging at her noncompliance. "Hey, thanks, Big Deal."

"No problem; it gives Mouthpiece somethin' ta do," Big Deal said nonchalantly.

A-Rab frowned. "Ya let _Mouthpiece_ make somethin' fa my _pregnant_ wife?"

Big Deal also frowned. "Well, when ya put it _that_ way…"

Anybodys peered down at her stomach and patted it softly. "If ya end up with fins, don't worry, I'll kick yer Uncle Mouthpiece's ass."

"Should ya really be usin' that kinda language around the baby?" A-Rab asked, his lips twitching.

Anybodys snorted. "Ya said a lot dirtier last night."

"Can I not be here for this?" Big Deal muttered.

Anybodys straightened up and paled. "Uh-oh."

"It was the shrimp, wasn't it?" A-Rab sighed, eyeing her plate.

Anybodys shook her head. "Well, maybe, but…I smell coffee."

A-Rab released a heavy sigh. "Oh, boy."

"Clarice couldn't take coffee when she was with Cecilia," Big Deal said thoughtfully. "Sorry, Anybodys."

Action entered the room then, a mug of coffee in his hand.

"Action. Get. The coffee. Outta this room. **Now**." Anybodys's tone was so dark that even A-Rab and Big Deal winced.

Action raised his eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Coffee. Makes me sick. Get it out. Now," Anybodys reiterated, pressing a finger to her mouth as if to restrain any sickness that might come.

Action scoffed. "Looks like _everything_ gets you sick."

"Action, ya really don't wanna put Anybodys an' coffee in the same room," A-Rab tried to warn his friend. "I hafta make mine on the fire escape."

"I'll drink it outside," Big Deal said quickly, getting up. "C'mon, Action, just get it away from her…"

Action sneered. "No. I ain't goin' outta my way ta make one chick happy in _my_ bar just 'cause she's knocked up."

Anybodys gave him a withering look that lacked its usual menace—she was too busy trying _not_ to notice how sickening the smell of coffee was. "Action, I'm warnin' you…"

"If ya don't like it, you can leave," Action told her with a superior tone.

"Oh, no," A-Rab muttered.

With a defiant look in her eyes, Anybodys reached down and grabbed the small trashcan. Without taking her eyes off Action's, she promptly heaved the contents of her stomach into the trashcan. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and calmly set the trashcan back down.

"Oh…my…God," Big Deal managed, looking stunned.

"I hate it when she does that," A-Rab sighed.

Action had a look of complete and utter revulsion on his face, and if the other three didn't know any better, they would even say he looked a little bit intimidated. His face was certainly paler than normal, and a muscle in his cheek was twitching unpleasantly.

Anybodys twirled a fry between her fingers. "You were sayin'?" she asked in a light tone.

Action backed out of the room, taking the coffee and its scent with him.


	12. Two Months and Three Weeks

_Eleven Weeks_

Anybodys smiled as she opened the door. "Hi, Sissy."

"Hi, Annie," Sissy greeted warmly, stepping in and setting down the box. "I dug through my closet an' found some old stuff…would ya believe it, it's been over two an' a half years since I was pregnant?"

"It doesn't show," A-Rab said in a monotone, staring at the TV screen.

Sissy, who was all too accustomed to A-Rab's gibes, rolled her eyes. "What is this…sittin' in front-a the TV, watchin' a game, an' drinkin' a beer while yer expectin' wife waits on ya?"

Anybodys scoffed. "Are you kiddin'? _Please_. I'm givin' him a break. A! Turn that damn thing down an' keep yer yap shut while I an' Sissy talk in the kitchen!"

A-Rab made a rude gesture with his hand but obligingly got up to turn down the volume. Anybodys patted his rear as she and Sissy walked by. Sissy smirked at him. "Still wearin' the skirt in the relationship, I see."

A-Rab repeated the hand gesture.

"Ignore him," Anybodys said, setting a pot of water on the stove. "He's just pissed 'cause he thought he was gonna get lucky when ya called an' said you was comin' over."

"You handle him like he's a pet!" Sissy exclaimed, laughing a little.

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "There's not much of a difference, ta be honest."

Sissy tittered as she took a seat at the table. "But seriously, honey; is he, y'know…good ta you?"

"Whaddya mean by that?" Anybodys asked suspiciously.

Sissy sighed. "I _mean_, is he treatin' you right? Takin' good care-a ya, makin' sure you get plenty ta eat an' yer eatin' the right things an' all?"

"Yeah, he's been really great about it," Anybodys said truthfully. "Hell, he's takin' better care-a me than _I_ am."

"Really?" Sissy asked, surprised.

Anybodys made a face. "I know ya don't exactly like him an' all—"

"You wouldn't like Ricky, either, if you'd walked in on _us_ defiling the kitchen counter," Sissy said dryly.

"What makes ya think I haven't?" Anybodys deadpanned.

Sissy's mouth fell open. "Why, you little…if you weren't gonna make me an aunt!"

Anybodys snickered.

Sissy unbuttoned her coat. "It ain't that I don't _like_ him as much as I just…I dunno…I never pegged him as the loyal-husband type. But I'm glad he is," she hastened to add.

Anybodys shrugged. "He's…well, he's one-of-a-kind, I guess." She smiled. "Y'know, he won't admit it, but he's real excited fa this kid. He keeps callin' Snowboy, askin' all these questions in the middle-a the night when he thinks I'm asleep."

Sissy smiled. "Sounds like Ricky. Maybe it's a future-daddy thing."

The kettle began to steam, and Anybodys pushed herself off the counter she was leaning against, moving the kettle to the side and turning off the stove.

"I hate you."

Anybodys glanced up in surprise. "What?"

Sissy eyed her enviously. "I hate you. Yer what, three months along? An' ya still look like ya don't have a baby growin' inside ya."

Anybodys rolled her eyes and reached up for a mug. "Well, it won't be fa long. Snowboy says I'm so small that once the baby starts growin', I won't be able ta fit in most-a my old clothes." She hesitated. "So…thanks fa the maternity clothes."

Sissy shrugged, crossing her legs. "Well, I don't need 'em anytime soon. Least, not that I know of."

"You an' Ricky still botherin' with kids, then?" Anybodys asked, pouring the boiling water in the mug and dumping some cocoa mix in it. She handed one mug to Sissy and leaned against the counter, stirring her own.

"If by 'botherin'' with kids, are we still open ta having 'em, yeah, you could say that," Sissy agreed, dropping some marshmallows in her mug.

Anybodys sat down, plunking several marshmallows into her hot chocolate. "Don'tcha get tired of it after awhile, though? I mean, it ain't been easy so far…"

Sissy looked surprised. "Oh, but Annie, yer probably not even in yer second trimester! You've only gone through the worst parts…the best is still ta come! Annie, it's the most _amazing_ thing ever, knowin' ya got a life, a human _life_, growin' inside of ya. It's just the neatest thing. Have ya felt the baby yet?"

Anybodys shook her head. "Snowboy said it's too early fer the baby ta start kickin'."

"Oh, not just kickin'. Can ya feel it swimmin'?" Sissy pressed.

Anybodys furrowed her brow. "What're you talkin' about?"

Sissy looked positively enthusiastic now. "Annie, do ya ever feel a funny kind-a feelin' in your stomach, almost like gas?"

Anybodys stared. "Well, yeah, but that's probably 'cause I been a helluva lot gassier than normal, ask A-Rab…"

Sissy shook her head impatiently. "Honey, that's the _baby_, swimmin' around inside ya. No one else can feel it yet, an' even you probably won't think about it all the time, but it's the baby."

Anybodys froze, for what she had assumed was more gas zipping across her stomach a moment ago was actually…God, it was a baby, _her_ baby. This whole time she'd thought it was her stupid digestive system, but it was actually the _baby_…

Sissy positively beamed. "Oh, _Annie_," she said in a tone of hushed euphoria.

Anybodys put a hand to her abdomen, rubbing it lightly and giving a small gasp as the baby responded.


	13. Three Months

_Twelve Weeks_

Anybodys consulted her checklist. "So, we've taken care-a Paul, Amanda, Jenny, JJ, Richie, Dorothy, an' Elvis. So that leaves Riff Jr., Izzy, Will, Ava, Cecilia, an'…" The next part was indistinguishable.

A-Rab glanced at his wife. "An' who?"

Anybodys shook her head, tucking the list away. "Never mind. Fahget it."

A-Rab, however, grabbed the list out of her pocket. He rolled his eyes. "Nice try, Sneaky McGee, we gotta get presents fer _all_ the kids."

Anybodys stomped her foot, making her look like a petulant child; this image was not helped by the fact that they were in a toy store. "But _A-Rab_, I _hate_ Graziella. An' Bernice. An' Gee-Tar. An' I hate their kids!"

A-Rab sighed. "Well, I do too, but they're gonna be really pissed if we don't get their kids anything, _especially_ since everyone's gettin' presents fer the baby."

"Even though the baby won't come until June," Anybodys snorted.

"Can't believe I hafta put up with ya fa that long," A-Rab mocked with a long-suffering sigh.

Anybodys pinched him. "You knew what you were gettin' into when ya put that ring on my finger, an' ya already knew about the baby, so you had _plenty_-a time ta run."

"You couldn' _pay _me ta run," A-Rab told her firmly, sliding an arm around her waist and kissing her cheek.

Anybodys pulled away the slightest bit. "Really? 'Cause I seem ta remember you havin' a different reaction when ya found out," she said dryly.

A-Rab halted and grabbed her waist, drawing her towards him. "I was bein' stupid," he said, his tone completely serious. "But I _do_ want this kid, an' I don't regret marryin' you."

Anybodys was never sure how best to respond to A-Rab when he got like this—she usually settled for a sarcastic remark. But there again, how often was it that he said something like _this_? "Um," she said very intelligently.

A-Rab's serious face turned into a smirk. "Aw, did I render you speechless?"

"Do ya even know what that _means_?" Anybodys scoffed.

"A-course I do; it means I made ya speechless, a miracle in itself," A-Rab scoffed.

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "Shut up an' kiss me."

A-Rab smirked. "Yes, dear," he said, complying with her order. They remained like this for quite some time and only broke apart when a little girl passing by shouted, "Ew, Mommy, look at those two people _kissin'_!"

"So, we gotta get presents fa Gus an' Gina?" Anybodys breathed, not moving out of A-Rab's arms.

"An' Jaime an' Bernadette," A-Rab added, hoping this good mood of hers would last. "An' if yer a good little girl, I'll buy ya a cookie when we're done," he teased, giving her rear a pinch that indicated a cookie was not the only thing she would receive later.

Anybodys made a small noise of surprise at this gesture. "A-Rab, we're in a _toy store_!" she hissed, glancing around and noticing a few disapproving looks from parents pulling their children by the hands.

"Naughty me," A-Rab quipped with an impish grin. "Maybe I should get a spankin'."

"I think I'll let ya go this time," Anybodys said wryly, moving past him.

* * *

"Mommy, mommy, look, it's Uncle A an' Aunt Any! HI, GUYS!"

A-Rab and Anybodys, both of whom were carrying a massive amount of bags for the many children of their friends, glanced up at the long line of children waiting to see Santa Claus and saw Will Kelly waving his arms furiously at them. They made their way towards the Kelly family, ignoring the protests of the people in line behind them.

"Hiya, squirt," A-Rab said, ruffling Will's blond hair.

"Hi Uncle A! Hi Aunt Any! Hi, baby," Will chirped, patting Anybodys's stomach affectionately.

"Waitin' fa Santa, I see," Anybodys noted, shifting the shopping bags behind her so that Will wouldn't see his present. Beside her, A-Rab followed her example.

"Yep! I've been a real good boy this year," Will informed them proudly. "And Ava's been pretty good, too," he added upon further reflection.

Ava gurgled in agreement.

"Have _you_ been good this year?" Will continued, looking solemnly at A-Rab and Anybodys.

The couple exchanged glances. "Well…"

"Um…"

"I'm sure they've both been very good this year," Ice assured his son, sharing a smirk with Velma.

A-Rab drew himself up defensively. "As a matter-a fact, we have."

"Good; then you can come sit on Santa's lap with me!" Will exclaimed, grabbing A-Rab's hand.

A-Rab paled. "What?"

But Will was already tugging him towards Santa, his face lit up like the Christmas tree on display. "This'll be so much fun, Uncle A!"

"But, I don't…" A-Rab sputtered helplessly, shooting an imploring look towards Anybodys.

Anybodys, however, smirked at her husband. "Say hi ta Santa for me!" she called.

A-Rab shot her a very peeved glare as Will hopped on one of Santa's legs and yanked A-Rab down on the other.

"Boy, I wish I had a camera now," Anybodys sighed.

"Who says ya don't?" Ice said, smirking as he pulled out a camera. He clicked it, sniggering at A-Rab's face. "Merry Christmas."


	14. Three Months and One Week

_Thirteen Weeks_

"Remind me again why we come here every year."

A-Rab rolled his eyes; it was Christmas Eve, and Anybodys had to be in one of her bad moods again. "Aw, lighten up, Scrooge."

Anybodys gave him a scowl. "Ya can't _seriously_ tell me you enjoy this!"

Every year on Christmas Eve, Big Deal and Clarice hosted their annual Christmas Eve party, and every year, Anybodys refused to go and then somehow or other found herself being dragged there by A-Rab. She was even moodier than usual this year, and A-Rab was starting to wish they'd just stayed home; he'd thought a change of scenery might put her in a better mood, or at least make her bad mood more bearable, but it was not to be so. She had griped at nearly everyone, and only a few brave souls dared to sit on the couch with her. A-Rab sighed. "Well, actually, I do; just not when yer actin' like the Grinch. You want some eggnog or somethin'?"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, daddy-o," Snowboy said, dropping onto the couch beside A-Rab.

A-Rab frowned. "Why? Is it bad fa the baby or somethin'?"

"Well, considerin' somebody spiked it…yeah," Snowboy answered, taking a swig of some punch.

A-Rab was indignant. "But, but spikin' drinks is _my_ thing! Who's the copycat who tried that?"

"Probably Big Deal; I saw him with some Vodka earlier," Anybodys said, yawning. "Where _is_ Big Deal, anyway?"

Snowboy shrugged. "Beats me. Probably findin' more mistletoe or somethin', seein' as how it keeps disappearin'." He cocked his head. "Maybe you an' A-Rab oughta disappear under some mistletoe or somethin', Anybodys; it might make ya feel better."

Anybodys glared at him. "Aw, shut up."

"No, I'm serious," Snowboy protested, squirming under her glare. "Doctors have proven that it's healthy fa the baby if the parents are very affectionate! I'm not makin' this up!"

"You heard the doctor," A-Rab said, smirking.

Anybodys socked him. "I'm gonna get some punch," she snapped, getting to her feet and stomping away. She shoved through the Jets dancing with their wives, past where Clarice and Bernice were singing "Sisters" in the corner, past where the kids were adding sloppy ornaments made in class to the Christmas tree, and towards the table with cookies shaped like Frosty the Snowman and Christmas trees and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. She poured herself a glass of punch, leaning against the table and drinking as she watched Elvis tug Izzy—Clarice and Bernice's much younger sister—towards the mistletoe.

"C'mon, Izzy, there's nuthin' to it!" he was urging her.

Izzy wrinkled her nose. "But it looks so _gross_!"

"It ain't, it really ain't!" Elvis was all but whining. "I've done it _loads_-a times before! 'Sides, why ya think grown-ups do it all the time?"

Izzy, arms folded firmly across her reindeer sweater, contemplated this with skepticism. After a few moments, she huffed. "Oh, fine! But it better be worth it!"

Anybodys raised her eyebrows as the two seven-year-olds screwed up their eyes—and were promptly stopped by Clarice, who all but shrieked, "Izzy, _no_! You are _much_ too young ta be doin' that! Elvis…well…I'm ashamed-a you!" She grabbed a squirt bottle from practically nowhere and sprayed it at the boy, who yelped and darted away.

"Aw, _Clarice_," Izzy whined. "Yer worse'n mama!"

"Mama would do the same thing if she saw ya about ta kiss a boy!" Clarice snapped.

"Pull out a _squirt bottle_ you use fer the _cat_?" Izzy asked with skepticism.

Before Clarice could make a proper comeback to this, the front door opened and Santa Claus came in, calling out, "Ho, ho, ho!"

"Santa!" the kids shouted, positively bouncing up and down, their eyes wide in wonderment.

"SANTA!" Mouthpiece trumpeted, trotting forward and nearly bowling over the Santa. Midge, rolling her eyes, extricated her husband from the Santa.

Anybodys snickered as she returned to the couch. "Who's Santa?" she asked.

"Big Deal," Snowboy said, smirking.

A-Rab, seeing that Anybodys was in a better mood, pulled her down into his lap. She settled in to watch as Big Deal—who kept fiddling with his fake beard—exaggeratedly shook his pillow belly and said, "Ho, ho, ho, I heard there are some good little boys and girls here tonight!"

A-Rab sniggered. "I hope Ice takes a picture-a this."

"I'VE BEEN GOOD THIS YEAR, SANTA!" Mouthpiece crowed.

Big Deal looked as if he was having difficulty restraining an eye-roll. "Well…I've got a present here for…Riff!" He reached into his sack and pulled out a small, neatly wrapped present. He did this for all the children, who promptly exclaimed over all their presents and began to play with them.

Mouthpiece, however, was not finished. "SANTA, SANTA, I DIDN'T GET A PRESENT!"

The adults cast nervous glances at each other. Before anyone could come up with an excuse, however, Elvis jeered, "Aw, that ain't Santa! Look!" And he marched up to Big Deal and yanked off his beard.

The effect was instantaneous. The children shrieked, Mouthpiece began to bawl, the parents groaned, Big Deal started to chase Elvis, and Velma snapped a picture.

"An' you didn't wanna come," A-Rab snickered.


	15. Three Months and Two Weeks

A/N: The caroling incident mentioned in this chapter is taken from chapter four of merry christmas with love, and of course I have received permission from **Vee** to use it; if you haven't read it already, GO READ IT NOW.

* * *

_Fourteen Weeks_

Anybodys, who was perched on the bathroom counter, resting an elbow on her crossed knee and resting her chin in her palm, watched A-Rab with an expression of mild interest. "An' here I was missin' drinkin'."

A-Rab muttered something that sounded like "can it," but Anybodys couldn't be entirely sure, because his head was currently in the toilet. He resurfaced a few moments later, gulping down the fresh air. "Every year, Action brings that tequila, an' _every_ year I say I ain't gonna have any, an' _every year_, I end up drinkin' it anyway."

"An' end up pukin' yer guts out," Anybodys added helpfully.

A-Rab scowled as he took the damp washcloth she handed him. "Well, it ain't like you don't do it or nuthin'."

"Not this year," Anybodys sang.

"D'ya hafta be so loud?" A-Rab whined, wincing.

"It's yer own fault fa drinkin' like an Irishman," Anybodys informed him in a rather supreme tone.

"Ya coulda stopped me, y'know," A-Rab snapped, glaring at her as if his current hangover was all her doing. "Ya coulda told me ta stop!"

"Yeah, but it was too much fun watchin' ya dance on the table an' sing. Why didn't'cha go out fer Broadway?" Anybodys teased, sniggering and ducking as he swatted at her with the washcloth.

"I ain't never doin' that again," A-Rab said fervently, stumbling to the bedroom and flopping down on the bed with an agonized groan.

Anybodys sat cross-legged beside him. "Yes ya will; ya always say this afterwards, but ya always get rip-roarin' drunk when he brings the tequila out again."

A-Rab turned to face her, resting his cheek on his propped-up fist. "Well, only way I'm doin' that is if we get a sitter, an' _nobody_ wants ta sit on New Year's Eve."

"Oh yeah." Anybodys kept forgetting that in six months, there would be a third member of the party to consider. She had adjusted to her slightly swelling stomach well; Snowboy kept warning her that one day she would wake up and not be able to see her feet, but for now, her condition was only noticeable if she wasn't wearing loose clothes. Her morning sickness had, for the most part, gone away, although she

still found herself getting nauseous over certain smells and foods. "Wonder what we'll do next year."

"I don't think we can exactly bring the baby ta the party," A-Rab yawned.

"What does everybody else do, then?" Anybodys wondered out loud, trying to remember if any of the girls had mentioned where their absent children were.

"Grandparents," A-Rab said, yawning again.

Anybodys snorted. "Well, then, we're screwed. Unless they let my ol' man outta prison, an' even then, I wouldn't let him _near_ the kid."

"Or if my ma leaves the new guy an' comes home—which we all know ain't gonna happen," A-Rab added with a snort.

She was quiet for a moment. "Think our kid'll get screwed over without any grandparents?"

A-Rab shrugged, dropping his head into the pillow. "I hardly ever saw mine. 'Course, mom's parents thought dad was trash—although he was, now that I think about it—an' dad's parents lived in some joint in Buffalo fer people too old ta wipe 'emselves when they pissed." He let out a belch. "An' yer grandparents were all in Ireland, weren't they?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Anybodys said, shrugging. "I never met 'em or nuthin'."

A-Rab was quiet for a moment before saying, "Well, we didn't turn out too bad."

Hearing the irony in his tone, Anybodys chuckled. "Yeah, except fer givin' the police a good workout all the time."

"Helpin' society by keepin' our donut-munchers nice an' fit," A-Rab yawned. He was quiet for a moment before snickering. "Remember when we went carolin' in front-a the police station that Christmas?"

Anybodys grinned at the memory of the two teenagers belting out Christmas carols at a very pissed-off Schrank. "Yeah…that was my first time drinkin', too."

"Mine t—I mean, uh, yeah, I remember that," A-Rab amended quickly.

Anybodys rolled her eyes—ten years later and he could _still_ not admit it had been his first time boozing. "Anyway, ya'll make yerself sick with a hangover an' an empty stomach; want me ta go get the saltines an' Ginger Ale?"

"I dunno…I might just puke it up," A-Rab said morosely.

"Welcome ta my world," Anybodys said in what A-Rab considered a much-too-light tone, getting up and padding to the kitchen. She returned a few moments later with a package of saltine crackers and a bottle of Ginger Ale.

"I'm warnin' ya, I'll just throw it up again," A-Rab cautioned her.

Anybodys scoffed. "Please; I tried usin' that excuse on you when _I_ was pukin' my guts up, an' ya still made me eat. Now _eat_."

A-Rab complied with a moody look.

Anybodys watched him for a moment in silence; then, in a suddenly very quiet tone, she asked, "A-Rab?"

"What?"

She hesitated, fiddling with the bedsheet. "What you were talkin' about earlier…goin' ta parties an' gettin' drunk…you still gonna do that aftah the baby comes?"

A-Rab shrugged. "I dunno…maybe. Why?"

Anybodys kept her eyes on her hands. "It's just…I dunno how things was in yer house, but my ol' man was always either gettin' drunk or havin' a hangover, if he wasn't in jail or with one-a his girlfriends on the side. An', I dunno…"

A-Rab grabbed her hands, effectively stopping them and making her look up at him. He had a very serious expression on his face. "I ain't gonna turn out like our dads, okay? I ain't gonna start hittin' you or the kid an' messin' around with other women or gettin' hauled off ta jail all the time 'cause I'm a no-good drunk, ya dig?"

Anybodys shrugged, dropping her eyes again. "Yeah, well, I don't think either one of 'em meant ta turn out that way, did they? Not that I think you will," she added quickly. "I don't. I just…I don't want our kid havin' ta see his dad gettin' drunk or hung over, even if it ain't that often."

"Well, he won't see it, 'cause I won't do it," A-Rab said in a fierce voice.

Anybodys scoffed. "Yer fibbin'."

"Well…maybe a little bit," A-Rab conceded. "But I know I'm gonna think about it before I take a drink from now on. An' he ain't _never_ gonna see me like that, not if I can help it."

Anybodys was quiet for a moment before looking up and smirking. "Did you say 'he'?"

A-Rab flushed. "Well, I mean, in case it's a boy…you know what I mean…"

"What if it's a girl?" Anybodys challenged, crossing her arms over her chest.

A-Rab turned an even deeper shade of red. "Well, I don't have any bias or anything, I'm gonna love it just the same..."

"Liar," Anybodys said, giving him a shove. "You wanna boy, admit it!"

"Oh, an' I suppose yer dyin' ta have a _girl_?" A-Rab retorted. "You _hate_ girls."

"Not if it's _mine_," Anybodys corrected him. "I can teach her how _not_ ta be a stupid broad like Graziella or somethin'."

"We are _not_ havin' another _you_," A-Rab said firmly. "I love you, babe, but no kid-a mine, boy _or_ girl, is gonna be _that _pushed around."

"I was _not_ pushed around," Anybodys scoffed. "I just…didn't always resist."

A-Rab rolled his eyes. "Uh-huh, sure."

Anybodys narrowed her eyes at him, and even A-Rab, who rarely knew when to stop, could see that this was turning into one of those my-angry-pregnant-wife's-hormones-are-kicking-in-and-if-I'm-not-careful-she-might-make-sure-I-don't-impregnate-her-ever-again-moments. Covering his eyes and rolling onto his back, he wailed dramatically, "Oh, my hangover…oh, the pain…"

Anybodys scoffed. She leaned close to his ear and shouted, "SUCK IT UP LIKE A MAN."

A-Rab yelped as his headache turned from a dull throb into a roaring, shooting pain.

"Love you, A-Rab," Anybodys said in a sing-song sort of voice, positively skipping from the room.


	16. Three Months and Three Weeks

A/N: I admit that this chapter was largely influenced by Vee. Well, Pauline, rather, and her many, um, activities with Action. Anyway, Anybodys got the idea from Pauline, and that is really all I'm going to say.

* * *

_Fifteen Weeks_

"A-RAB!"

A-Rab spilled his coffee as he fell out of the chair, swearing as it burned his leg. He ran to the bathroom that Anybodys had shouted from, throwing open the door. "What, what?" he asked breathlessly, afraid she had miscarried or been attacked.

"My clothes won't fit!" Anybodys sobbed, burying her face in his shirt. "They're all too small! I d-don't have anythin' ta _wear_!" It wasn't that she was upset she was gaining weight; she had tried to pull on a t-shirt today and discovered it didn't cover her stomach, and this alone had sent her into tears.

A-Rab stared before sighing and rubbing her back. "Babe, it's okay. Ya have a baby growin' inside ya; it was gonna happen."

"But I didn' think it would be so _soon_!" Anybodys wailed.

A-Rab rolled his eyes. "Well, what about those maternity clothes Sissy lent ya?"

"There's like, four that'll fit me at my present weight!" Anybodys snapped. "An' they're all _girly_!"

A-Rab took a deep breath. "Then we'll go _buy_ ya some."

There was a pause. "Okay," Anybodys sniffled. There was another pause. "A? Why're yer pants wet?"

"Yer damn hormones," A-Rab snapped, storming to the closet to change.

* * *

Anybodys sighed as she looked in the mirror. "I dunno…"

A very audible groan could be heard from outside. "Babe, will ya just _pick_ one? I mean, it ain't like yer gonna be wearin' it over an' over again. Least, I hope not," A-Rab added in a mutter, sincerely hoping Anybodys would not go through too many more pregnancies—especially if she was this hormonal each time.

Anybodys sighed. "Well, okay…" She pulled off the yellow shirt and pulled on a blue one. Looking at her reflection indecisively, she turned this way and that. Her mind finally made up, she called, "Babe, come in an' tell me what ya think!"

The dressing room door opened with caution. "Am I allowed in here?" A-Rab asked.

Anybodys smirked and pulled him in. "No clue," she said carelessly, shoving him against the wall.

A-Rab's eyes widened. "In a _dressing room_?"

"Like we ain't never done it before," Anybodys breathed in his ear, mentally thanking Pauline for planting that particular suggestion in her head several years ago; it had gotten her and A-Rab kicked out of several stores, sometimes for good, but the fun was just too much to pass up.

"But…but this is a maternity store," A-Rab reminded her, nevertheless allowing her to push his jacket off of his shoulders.

"So?" Anybodys scoffed.

"But…there are pregnant women in here. Women havin' _babies_," A-Rab elaborated, glancing around as if expecting to find a pregnant woman watching him in disapproval.

"_We're_ havin' a baby, an' that don't stop _us_ every time _we_ go at it," Anybodys retorted.

"But…these are _other_ people's babies, an' besides, there's a little display with stuffed animals an' little frilly little baby bonnets an' teeny-tiny lacy socks an' rubber duckies an' things outside, an' it's just so _innocent_…" A-Rab said, unable to imagine ruining the sanctity of cute little baby accessories with sex.

"Are ya actually turnin' me down?" Anybodys asked, shocked; A-Rab had never, _ever_ refused her before. It just wasn't within his will-power, and everyone knew it.

A-Rab stared at her for a moment before hoisting her up against the wall. "Well, when ya put it that way," he muttered as she threaded her fingers in his hair. "Damn, I love yer hormones," he managed between kisses.

.

A-Rab and Anybodys were, unsurprisingly, banned from the Expecting Mothers Store.


	17. Four Months

A/N: Now that exams are FINALLY over (not sure how I did in the long-run, so let's keep our fingers crossed, eh?), I have free time, which means UPDATE! There's really not much I can say to introduce this chapter, just that it involves lots of pregnancy ickiness. I suppose I could mention that I got in touch with Tony Mordente some time ago…but that's more bragging than, you know, relevant, or even important. SO ANYWAY, on with the chappie, yes?

As usual, I'd like to thank **Vee, fir8008,** and **Meg** for reviewing the last chapter; hope you enjoy this one!

* * *

_Sixteen Weeks_

A-Rab dumped his groceries on the counter, causing the woman reading a tabloid (_Is President Johnson a Communist?_) to look up in surprise. With a distinctly disgruntled expression, she began to check out the groceries.

Feeling the need to explain why he had such a varietal plethora of items, A-Rab said hurriedly, "My wife…we're havin' a baby…she's started gettin' cravings."

The woman raised an eyebrow. "I didn't say anything."

A-Rab sighed. Anybodys had been eating a hell of a lot more than usual, and not just normal junk food; he often walked in the kitchen only to find her attempting new combinations that he had never before considered. She seemed to have a particular fetish for butter, for she put it on nearly everything. Of course, nothing took the cake quite like the time he had found her trying Wonder Bread smothered in chocolate syrup and peanuts.

This recent addiction to food that seemed inedible to most humans also meant that A-Rab was being sent on errands to the grocery store at odd hours of the day every couple of days or so. The truly frustrating part was that if A-Rab didn't hurry, by the time he came home, Anybodys would no longer want what he had just bought and would instead want something else; he really, really hoped that that wasn't the case this time.

"Nine-fifty," the cashier told him in a bored tone.

A-Rab sighed as he shelled out the money; he was definitely going to need a raise if Anybodys kept this up.

* * *

When A-Rab entered the apartment and deposited the bags of groceries in the kitchen, he went into the living room to find Anybodys. He found her huddled on the couch, sobbing, the TV blaring before her. A-Rab hurtled over the couch, gripping her arms. "Any, you okay? What happened?"

She wailed for a moment before saying in a high-pitched voice, "It was so...horrible!"

"What was?" he asked in alarm. Had she been robbed?

Anybodys sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Barbara told Dr. Patterson that...that...she's already married ta Carl!"

"...what?"

"An' Carl just woke up from his coma!" Anybodys broke into a fresh wave of tears and buried her face in A-Rab's jacket.

He groaned. "Honey, maybe ya should stay away from the soaps." He got up to change the channel to a nature program.

"...and sometimes, if there is not enough food, the mother spider will allow her young to eat her..."

Anybodys broke into a fresh wave of tears. A-Rab heaved an enormous sigh and patted her back. This was another downside to Anybodys's pregnancy; she fell prone to crying fits alarmingly easily, even over incidents as small as A-Rab asking Anybodys why she hadn't put the cap on the toothpaste.

"Well, look, I gotcha the syrup an' the tuna an' the tomatoes an' the chocolate bars—" A-Rab began, hoping that this would cheer her up.

Anybodys, however, sobbed even harder. "I…I don't want it anymore!" she wailed.

A-Rab had to remind himself to keep it cool; it wasn't her fault her appetite was so indecisive. "Look, just…maybe ya oughta come ta the store with me next time, okay?" he suggested weakly, wincing and hoping that this, too, did not bring on further crying fits.

Anybodys sniffed. "Well…okay." After a moment, she asked tentatively, "A-Rab?"

"Yeah?"

"…I want peanut-butter pizza," she said in a very small voice.

And because you only have a first child once, A-Rab picked up the phone and ordered it.


	18. Four Months and One Week

A/N: Helloooooo everyone! I wasn't sure if I'd get this chapter up this week, what with rather hectic tech rehearsals for a largely irresponsible drama class (not mine, thank the Lord), a migraine, plagiarists, asshole boys, and the performance tonight. But I am actually awake (a miracle in itself), so up a chapter goes!

This is one of the shorter chapters; there's really only so much you can write about pregnancies without sounding repetitive. Although I'm fairly certain I do sound repetitive. Whatever. Anyway. Apparently pregnant women get these insane cravings for sex, which my mother never mentioned in our extensive talks about pregnancy in the hopes that I will not get pregnant until I'm married…although now that I think about it, I really don't want to hear that kind of stuff from my mother. And now I am rambling, so I shall stop.

Many thanks to the usual reviewers: **Vee, Meg,** and **fir8008**!

* * *

_Seventeen Weeks_

Anybodys could not sleep.

Not that this was surprising in the least; sleep was such a rare, rare occurrence in her present condition. Going to bed early and sleeping late did little to help, because she always woke up from some odd dream (which, Snowboy assured her, was perfectly normal) or from an urgent need to use the bathroom.

Tonight, she could not sleep because her hormones were in overdrive.

This was another alarmingly frequent occurrence; Anybodys now had a horniness level that was just as bad as (if not worse than) A-Rab's, something she had _never_ thought would happen. Snowboy had told them that the expectant mother would need lots of love and affection from her husband, and Anybodys was starting to discover a whole new meaning to this piece of advice; it wasn't just that it was good for the baby—she actually _needed_ A-Rab, in more ways than one.

Anybodys found herself fantasizing about all sorts of things throughout the day and night, and this fixation with A-Rab's body slightly disturbed her. They spent nearly every moment together, well, _together_. It wasn't that he looked or smelled nicer than normal or anything; he was just _there_, and that was all it took these days. She found herself noticing other men, as well, and while she would never even entertain the idea of carrying on with one of them, she certainly couldn't help _noticing_ them. Not, of course, that A-Rab needed to know this.

A-Rab, obviously, was enjoying this phase of the pregnancy immensely—this was the kind of stuff he had fantasized about as a teenager. Not that his fixation with sex had mitigated very much since then, though. The only downside was that he was frequently late for work, but this was easily overlooked with the excuse, "I'm sorry, sir, it's my wife…we're expectin', y'know…"

Tonight, Anybodys's hormone level was through the roof, and for the first time, A-Rab had not detected it. He could sniff out horniness quicker than a bloodhound, sometimes when even Anybodys wasn't aware of it (there again, that might just have been his excuse…); it figured that once she actually _needed_ that special talent of his, he was fast asleep. Anybodys rolled over and tried to sleep, but the Unborn was not having any of it.

Anybodys shifted for what felt like the thousandth time. A-Rab wasn't particularly appealing or anything, but in her present condition, he was just downright sexy. Unable to contain herself, she prodded him.

"Mmph?" A-Rab managed around the pillow, not moving.

She paused. "A? Are ya awake?"

"I am now," A-Rab sighed, rolling over. "Why, ya need me ta go to the store again?" He had been awoken several times in the past couple of weeks to go to the store to pick up the most random foods.

"No..." Anybodys hesitated before coming right out with it. "The hormones are drivin' me crazy, an', um…"

A-Rab perked up immediately. "I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT."

"I knew ya could," Anybodys muttered as she grabbed him in one of those rare moments where she was glad her husband's mind was always concentrated on one thing.


	19. Four Months and Two Weeks

_Eighteen Weeks_

If A-Rab wasn't careful, Anybodys was going to lose him his job. Although he had been given a raise (he felt a little guilty about emphasizing the fact that he would soon be a father, but they really did need the extra money), Anybodys's spate of hormones had been the cause of several days going in late.

"Babe, it's not that I don't _wanna_, it's just that I _can't_," A-Rab assured her, trying very hard not to think about how tempting his wife's offer was.

Anybodys huffed. "_Fine_."

"God, never thought I'd see the day when I had ta tell _you_ no," A-Rab said in disbelief, buckling his belt.

Anybodys's mood immediately became stormy, and A-Rab internally winced. "It's _only_ 'cause-a the baby," she snapped. "It's not like I really _want_ ya that bad."

A-Rab rolled his eyes. "Sure," he said. He added with a smirk, "That's why ya couldn't keep ya hands off me even _before_ the baby." His chuckle turned to a yelp as Anybodys smacked his back—hard.

"Shut the hell up," she snarled, stomping out of the room.

A-Rab watched her go with a sigh. He hated when she was in this kind of mood (mostly because it usually resulted in physical pain), but if he went after her and tried to make her feel better, well, he _definitely_ wouldn't make it to work on time. Deciding it was better to let a sleeping dog lie, he finished dressing and went into the kitchen.

Anybodys was perched on the counter, going through what had to be the fourth box of Sugar Frosted Flakes this week.

A-Rab eyed her warily as he rinsed out his coffee mug, watchful for signs of the tell-tale pissy mood. "Don't eat too much; you got that lunch with the chicks today, remember?"

Anybodys made a whining noise that made A-Rab was fairly certain she hadn't made since she was seven. "Do I _hafta_?"

A-Rab's lips twitched, but he knew better than to tease her right now. "Well, yeah, ya kinda do. They all wanna ask about the baby, don't they?"

"That's all they ever wanna talk about," Anybodys muttered moodily. "God, it ain't comin' fer another five months! I don't see what the big deal is!"

"Well, ya never see the big deal about _anything_ they like ta talk about," A-Rab pointed out.

"But why do they suddenly want me ta spend every wakin' minute with 'em?" Anybodys pressed. "They used ta _hate_ me, remember? I mean, except Minnie, obviously."

"Well, ya better get used to it, 'cause yer gonna be makin' a lotta play-dates with their kids," A-Rab said.

Anybodys frowned. "Why d'ya say that?"

"Well, I don't think ya wanna spend every wakin' minute with the kid until he's old enough ta send ta preschool," A-Rab said reasonably.

Anybodys's frown increased. "I guess…but there goes that _he_ again."

"I'm just sayin' 'he' 'cause it takes too long ta say 'he or she,'" A-Rab insisted.

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "I ain't _stupid_, y'know. I know most guys wanna boy."

A-Rab sighed and moved to put his hands on her knees. "_Whatever_ the baby is, boy or girl, it don't make a difference, okay?"

"Oh, yeah?" Anybodys challenged, setting down the cereal box.

A-Rab raised his eyebrows. "_Yeah_. Quit callin' me a liar, little girl."

In response, Anybodys shoved him back and eased off of the counter. "Ooph!" She had forgotten for a moment that there was a rapidly-growing child inside of her. "Ugh; that's the last time I'll be doin' _that_."

* * *

At twelve o'clock, Anybodys reluctantly pushed open the door to the Grove. It was one of those chic places that chicks loved to meet up at for lunch, and the only reason Anybodys was even considering going would get food out of it.

"Can I help you, miss?" the seating hostess asked with a saccharine voice. Anybodys had noticed that more and more people were starting to be over-solicitous to her, and depending on her mood, this could be a good thing or a bad thing.

"I'm lookin' fa—" Anybodys began, but she was promptly cut off by a loud squeal.

"Anybodys, over here!" Minnie was shouting, standing up and waving in excitement. A mortified Clarice pulled her down.

Anybodys, lips twitching, made her way to the table and dropped down into the only empty seat.

"Oh, we're so glad you could make it!" Minnie gushed.

"We were startin' ta think you wasn't comin'," Graziella said in a tone that indicated she would have preferred Anybodys _hadn't_ come.

"Midge was just about ta tell us somethin'," Velma said, eyeing the two women with caution; she knew that combining Graziella's unyielding antagonism and Anybodys's tempestuous hormones was a very, very bad idea and should be avoided at all costs.

Midge, who looked even more awkward than usual with a swollen belly, set down the glass of water she had been sipping from. "Well, Mouthpiece and I went to Snowboy yesterday, and he did an Ultrasound, and, well, we're having twins."

The reactions were instantaneous. Minnie squealed and clapped her hands in delight; Clarice exclaimed, "Congratulations!" and wanted to know every detail; Graziella said, "Poor you," with genuine sympathy; Bernice winced at the thought; Velma beamed; and Anybodys said, "Um…that's good fa you?"

"Carrying twins is so special, you're so lucky!" Minnie assured her friend. "I _loved_ carrying JJ and Richie!"

"Are they identical or fraternal?" Clarice wanted to know.

Before Midge could respond, Graziella scoffed, "Either way, that's gotta be _twice_ as bad as carryin' a regular baby."

"Carryin' a baby ain't bad," Velma pointed out.

"It is when ya've had as many as I've had," Bernice said miserably.

Velma stared at her in incredulity. "Ya've only had two!"

Bernice opened her mouth to retort, but, at a glance and head shake from Clarice, closed her mouth and settled for a huff.

Midge, pursing her lips at Bernice, turned back to the rest of the group. "They're identical," she informed them. "Which, of course, means that they began as one egg which was fertilized and then split apart, and now they share a placenta. I plan to keep the placenta after they've been born and use it to fertilize my hydrangeas."

Graziella gagged on her Long Island iced tea.

"_So_, Anybodys, how's _your_ pregnancy goin'?" Velma asked in a loud voice, not at all keen on the idea of Midge sharing further information of such a nature.

Anybodys shrugged. "S'okay. Mornin' sickness is gone, but the mood swings are hell."

"Yer what…four months along?" Bernice asked, a devilish glint in her eyes. "That means yer in the horny phase, right?"

Clarice not-very-subtly smacked her twin's arm.

Anybodys narrowed her eyes. "Never quite got outta that phase, didja, Bernice?"

Graziella choked on her tea again (today was obviously not her day) as Velma and Clarice tittered behind their hands. Minnie blinked, confused, and Midge's ears turned red. Bernice's eyes narrowed to slits. "You implyin' somethin'?"

"Awful quick ta jump ta that conclusion there, weren't ya?" Anybodys challenged.

"May I take your orders?" the waiter asked.

"Yes, please," Velma said at once.


	20. Four Months and Three Weeks

A/N: So, a lot's happened since the last update; it actually _snowed_ here, and we've been out of school for the past three days and have a two-hour delay tomorrow. Which sounds more exciting than it is, because cabin fever? Is so not fun. I left the house for the first time today since Friday night. UM YEAH. Also, I have two new fics up: "On the Hot Pavement," which is a collection of A-Rab/Anybodys ficlets, and "Now It Begins," a big chapter fic that I am WAY excited about!

Thanks to the usual three reviewers: **Vee, Meg**, and **fir8008**; you ladies are amazing!

* * *

_Nineteen Weeks_

Action and Anybody simultaneously glanced up as the phone rang.

"Ten bucks says it's A-Rab again askin' if yer overtirin' yerself," Action said.

"Ugh; tell him I miscarried an' there's blood everywhere," Anybodys said, yawning.

Action grabbed the phone. "Bootlegger."

"Hey Action, it's—"

"A-Rab," Action finished for him. "She said ta tell you she miscarried an' there's blood everywhere."

"Oh, ha, ha, I can hardly breathe fa laughin'," A-Rab snapped. "She ain't gonna take a break unless somebody makes her."

"She's been sittin' nearly all day; that make ya happy?" Action said, glancing at Anybodys, who had indeed done very little standing all day.

"But she's still gettin' some exercise, right?"

"Oh my _God_." Action thrust the phone at Anybodys. "Yer husband's drivin' me nuts."

"Try livin' with him," Anybodys said wearily, taking the phone. "A, ya _really_ hafta stop callin'."

"I'm just checkin' up on ya!" A-Rab protested. "I mean, since ya won't stay home like _most_ expectin'-mothers…"

"If I didn't work, we wouldn't have a home ta stay _in_," Anybodys reminded him. She massaged her temple; she'd been more tired than usual today, despite the fact she hadn't overexerted herself in the slightest, and she would be relieved to go home.

A-Rab sighed, causing a rush of static to course through the phone. "You been restin' plenty?"

"Unfortunately," Anybodys yawned.

"Been exercisin' enough?" A-Rab pressed.

"Oh my God, will you stop?" Anybodys snapped, finally losing her temper. "I am _fine_. The baby is _fine_. If anything _wasn't_ fine, I or Action or _somebody_ would call ya, okay?"

"Well, I can never be sure, 'cause anytime somethin' happens, I practically gotta force it outta ya," A-Rab reminded his wife.

"Yeah, well, can ya blame me?" Anybodys said rather than asked, her fingers pressing harder into her temple as they worked. "One-a the only times I was dumb enough ta do _that_, ya _beat the shit outta my boss_."

"Oh my God, you have really got ta let that go!" A-Rab groaned. "_Any_ decent guy woulda done what I did!"

"When've _you_ ever been a _decent_ guy?" Anybodys challenged, suddenly aware of how very hot she was.

She never heard A-Rab's retort, because the heat and her headache and a wave of dizziness swept over her and she knew no more.

* * *

When Anybodys came to, she was lying on the couch in Action's office, a blanket drawn up around her carefully and the dim purple light of sunset bathing the room in an odd yet serene light. There was a bright orange light coming from under the doorway, and the buzzing of voices speaking to and against and over each other sounded through the wall.

A-Rab was sitting at the desk, flipping through what looked like a hotrod magazine. He had not noticed her yet. She yawned and shifted, causing A-Rab to glance over at her as she sat up against the pillow someone had so solicitously propped up against the arm of the couch. A-Rab rolled the chair up beside her. "Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," Anybodys returned, stretching and sighing as several joints popped. "How long've I been out?"

"A couple hours," A-Rab answered, still watching her with some concern. "Feel all right?"

"Wouldn't mind some water," Anybodys said, shrugging.

A-Rab reached towards the desk and grabbed a glass of water. "Thought ya'd want some," he said sheepishly as she raised her eyebrow. When she was finished, he set the glass back on the desk and then turned to her with a smirk. "Toldja ya needed ta be careful."

Anybodys scowled at him, more frustrated at herself than at him. "Fuck you."

"Yes, please."


	21. Five Months

A/N: I'm not really sure what I can say to introduce this chapter; it has all the usual pregnancy…stuff. Although I guess I could always say that I think Rorschach Inkblot Tests must be a key part of the obstetrician curriculum, because I honestly do not understand how the heck they can figure out the different body parts on some of those things. It's easier now, obviously, but some of the older ones? That does not look like an arm. It looks like the rest of the grayish blob.

Speaking of ultrasounds, I was not sure whether or not this kind of technology was available in 1966, and so I did my research, including reading _a legitimate "The History of the Ultrasound." Do you have any idea how boring something with that title is?_ Never let it be said I don't do my research. So. Anyway. I basically found out that ultrasounds were used for pregnant women as early as the early 1950s, which would indeed make an ultrasound in 1966 plausible.

Um, anyway. Much obliged, as always, to my reviewers!

* * *

_Twenty Weeks_

"Wait, wait, wait," Anybodys protested the moment she and A-Rab walked through the door of Snowboy's office. "I hafta pee."

"_Again_?" A-Rab asked in disbelief. "Ya just went when we left all but ten minutes ago!"

"I've got a baby kickin' my bladder!" Anybodys snapped. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"I'll get ya signed in," A-Rab sighed, moving towards the receptionist.

Anybodys moved down the hall as quickly as she could in her condition (she was only about five months along, but the baby was heavy on her skinny body) and yanked open the door to the bathroom. She emerged a moment later and was about halfway to Snowboy's office when someone called, "Hey, Annie!"

Anybodys turned and saw her old boss, Gary, jogging down the hallway towards her. He came to a stumbling halt, his eyes widening. "_Whoa_."

Anybodys frowned at him before glancing down at her stomach. "Oh. That. Yeah, I got knocked up aftah I left. Well, before, but I didn't find out 'til aftah…yeah."

"Oh. Um. Congratulations," Gary stuttered.

"Thanks." They stared at each other for a long, awkward moment. "I gotta go now." Anybodys turned on her heel and returned to Snowboy's office, where he was already waiting on her.

"Well, I got some good news," Snowboy said as he prepared the ultrasound.

"Ya got somethin' ta make me stop pissin' like a racehorse?" Anybodys asked in a wry voice.

"No…but yer halfway through yer pregnancy now," Snowboy said, obviously thinking he had just delivered good news.

Anybodys's mouth fell open. "But…I…_I'm only halfway?_"

"Um…yes?" Snowboy tried, unconsciously raising his clipboard as an impromptu shield from the Wrath of the Pregnant Lady.

Anybodys promptly burst into tears.

"I'm impressed; this is only the third fit today," A-Rab said with complete seriousness, patting her back.

Roughly five minutes later, Anybodys was back to her normal state (well, as normal as she was going to get, given the circumstances) and she and A-Rab were watching the screen as Snowboy pulled up an image on the projector screen.

"All I see is a blackish-greyish blob," Anybodys was saying. "I mean, I guess it's kinda movin'..."

"See that?" Snowboy seemed to say rather than ask, his finger circling the larger part of the blob. "That's the head."

Anybodys squinted and frowned. "It looks like a blob."

Not to be deterred, Snowboy continued, "There's an arm…the other one…huh. Looks like the kid's suckin' its thumb."

"The hell're you talkin' about?" Anybodys demanded.

"He means right _there_, babe," A-Rab said with the greatest of patience, leaning forward and pointing. "See that, right there?"

"Oh," Anybodys said quietly. She stared for a very long moment, her eyes wide. She was more than aware that there was a baby growing and moving in her womb—how could she _not_ be aware of it? The baby made its presence known every possible moment—but actually _seeing_ the baby was a different matter entirely. In a few months, that blackish-greyish blob moving in front of her would be a real, pinkish bundle in her arms. It was definitely something to think about.

Without any warning whatsoever, the baby gave a violent jerk.

"Oh my God, what's happenin'?" Anybodys shrieked.

"It's okay, it's okay; it's just hiccuppin'!" Snowboy said quickly.

"How can ya tell?" A-Rab asked, frowning.

Snowboy rolled his eyes. "_Who's_ the obstetrician here?" He scribbled down a few notes and started to take down the projection. "Looks like baby's doin' just fine; the hiccups are perfectly normal, even though ya probably can't feel 'em yet."

"Snowboy, if you can tell that the baby's suckin' his—_its_—thumb an' hiccuppin' an' everything, can't ya tell if it's a boy or a girl?" A-Rab asked, glancing at Anybodys.

Snowboy smirked, shaking his head. "Sorry, buddy-boy; yer gonna hafta wait 'til the baby's born."

A-Rab pouted.

As they headed towards the elevator, A-Rab said, "You were in the bathroom awhile."

Anybodys shrugged. "Yeah, well, I ran inta Gary."

A-Rab froze as the elevator door closed. "WHAT?"

"We said hi, an' that was about it," Anybodys informed her husband, rolling her eyes. God. _Men_.

"I…an' you didn't tell me this? That creep hit on you!" A-Rab said, looking furious.

Anybodys, surprisingly, smirked and mashed a button. The elevator froze.

"What're you doin'?" A-Rab asked, knitting his brow.

He had a very good idea of what Anybodys was doing, however, when she reached for his belt buckle. "I kinda like it when yer jealous," she breathed.

"Yer insane," A-Rab said, even as he shed his jacket.

"That's why ya love me," Anybodys reminded him, shoving him against the wall.

A-Rab couldn't exactly argue with that.


	22. Five Months and One Week

A/N: In lieu of almost everyone around me becoming oddly sappy (I saw meathead football players buying carnations. Something is very, very wrong with that scene) and my annual anti-Valentine's-Day-rush-of-doom, I decided that a decidedly non-sappy chapter was in order. There will be some general nastiness, followed by some predictable crying and some of the expected making up. This is the twenty-second chapter; you're smart enough by now to figure out what will happen ;)

I would like to dedicate this chapter to my fellow single ladies out there (who else has that song stuck in their head now?), who I'm sure are much happier with a box of good ol' Russell Stover's than they would be with an icky, pansy, moronic male. I know I am.

* * *

_Twenty-One Weeks_

For many, Valentine's Day is a miserable day when all single people are made even more aware of their lack of a significant other and spend the day miserable and stuffing their faces with chocolate.

Those who are lucky enough to have a significant other usually spend the day with sappy looks on their faces, sending and/or receiving gifts such as flowers, chocolates and teddy bears from their significant others and wearing shades of pink and red. They usually do something romantic, including dining out at an expensive restaurant, exchanging gifts, and retiring to the bedroom for a long time.

What they do _not_ do (at least in most cases), however, is argue with each other about whose fault it was that the kitchen sink faucet had been left running with the stopper in the sink—arguing quite loudly, too, for that matter, as they attempt to get rid of the pond on their kitchen floor.

"Fa the last time, it _wasn't_ my fault!" Anybodys all but roared.

"Well, it sure wasn't mine!" A-Rab snapped, blotting the puddle of water with a rag.

"Oh, come _on_! Why the hell would I've left the sink runnin'?!" Anybodys wanted to know, wincing as she eased down on the ground and also started to blot.

"I dunno, since I ain't been near the sink since breakfast, but don't get down, ya'll hurt yerself!" A-Rab snapped, more pissed off than concerned.

"I am perfectly fine, thank you very much!" Anybodys retorted. This was something of a lie; her insides were sore from being hammered on all day by her baby's surprisingly sharp feet, but she wasn't about to divulge that piece of information to A-Rab, not when he was being such an ass.

"It ain't you I'm worried about," A-Rab muttered, glancing at her stomach.

She had to admit, that one stung a little. "The baby's just fine," she said coolly, rubbing her stomach as the little tyke in question gave an almighty kick.

A-Rab snorted. "Some mother you are; can't even remember ta turn off the damn _sink_…"

"I _didn't leave it runnin'_!" Anybodys snapped, wincing at another kick.

"Then who did, the magical sink monster?"

"Aw, fuck you!"

"No thanks."

Anybodys made a noise that sounded like a cross between a shriek and a growl. "Yer such an ass!"

"An' yer a filthy little liar!" A-Rab retorted. "You left it runnin' an' you know it!"

"I did not!"

"Anybodys, will you _shut up an' get off the floor?!_ Yer gonna hurt yerself!"

"I thought ya didn't care about me," Anybodys spat, forcing herself not to flinch as the very upset baby pounded her again.

"Well, unfortunately fa me, I do," A-Rab grumbled. "Why the hell're ya doin' this anyway, if it supposedly ain't yer fault?" Much to his surprise, she began to cry.

"Because I'm tired an' I'm sore all over an' I _did_ leave the sink runnin', only I was hopin' ya wouldn't remember it was my turn ta wash the dishes, an' the baby keeps kickin' me an' it _hurts, _but I can't stand ya bein' this mad at me!" Anybodys wailed.

A-Rab's scowling face immediately softened as he dropped the rag and scooted over to her. "C'mere," he said gently, pulling her into his lap; it was as if the shouting had never occurred.

"Ya'll get wet," she sniffed, nevertheless burying her head in his shoulder.

"My ass is already wet, won't hurt it ta get any wetter," A-Rab said calmly. "Baby, why didn't'cha just admit ya left the water runnin'? I wouldna been that mad atcha."

"'Cause…'cause I just didn't!" Anybodys sobbed, which was really the only logic her highly emotional mind could create.

A-Rab smirked as he rubbed her back. "Ya said yer sore all over, huh? Anything I can do ta help?"

"Maybe," Anybodys said, sniffling. Seeing his face, she also smirked. "A hot shower'd be nice…wanna join me?" She gasped as A-Rab began to stand up, apparently attempting to lift her as well. "A-Rab, can ya still do that?!"

"'Course I can…although…maybe…well, okay, maybe not," A-Rab panted, standing up alone and then pulling her up. "No offense or anything, baby, but…ya sure do weigh a lot more than ya used ta."

"C'mon an' get in the shower with me, ya pansy," Anybodys said, tugging her husband away from the puddle on the floor.


	23. Five Months and Two Weeks

A/N: I am immensely excited about this chapter, because…well, you'll see. I don't want to say anything else lest I give it away, heh, so this will be rather a short note.

I am dedicating this chapter to **RhapsodyInProgress**, who first identified hedgehog fluff, and without whom this chapter would certainly not be possible. I hope you enjoy, dear :)

* * *

_Twenty-Two Weeks_

Anybodys knew something was up the minute A-Rab walked through the door with that smug little grin on his face. She saw him walking carefully, holding his jacket just so, and wondered what on _earth_ he could possibly be storing under there.

"A."

A-Rab grinned at her. "Yes, Any?"

She folded her arms over her chest. "What's in yer jacket?"

A-Rab shifted whatever it was behind him. "I dunno what yer talkin' about."

"A-Rab!" Anybodys shouted. "Yer hidin' somethin', an' I wanna see it!"

A-Rab pulled out a shoebox with holes in the lid.

"A _pet_?" Anybodys asked in disbelief. Well, whatever it was, it had better be easy to take care of…

"Not just _any_ pet," A-Rab said, looking positively gleeful as he took off the lid.

Anybodys peered into the box, her mouth falling open. "It's a pygmy-porcupine!"

"No, it's a hedgehog," A-Rab corrected her. "Isn't he cute?"

Anybodys stared. "It's…a porcupine. An' it's the size of a hamster. That's like, an Action-sized porcupine."

"It's a _hedgehog_," A-Rab repeated.

Anybodys stared at the sleeping hedgehog for a few more minutes before asking, "But…_why_?"

"Because, well, I thought, y'know, seein' as how we're gonna have a kid ta take care of soon, we might as well start practicin' on takin' care-a somethin'," A-Rab said in a sheepish sort of voice, shrugging. In a quieter voice, he added, "An' it's cute."

"Y'know, sometimes I think I'm insane fer bein' with ya…an' then I remember who's the _really_ crazy one," she said, gingerly poking at the hedgehog. It made a noise that sounded like "snurfle."

"But ya love me," A-Rab reminded her.

"Eh." Anybodys tilted her head. She guessed it was kinda cute…in a prickly sort of way. "What's it's name, anyway?"

"Well, he's cuddly, an' spiky, so I was thinkin' Cuddlyspikes. Or maybe Mr. McCuddlyspike."

Anybodys looked positively alarmed now. "A, we are _not_ namin' our pet Mr. McCuddlyspike. It's gotta have a _cool_ name. Like…like _Krull the Warrior King_."

"Does this look like a warrior-king ta you?" A-Rab asked, holding up the hedgehog. It sneezed.

"Well, it don't look like a Mr. McCuddlyspike, neither!" Anybodys snapped. "I mean, at least name it _Riff_ or somethin', y'know, _cool_."

A-Rab considered it. His face lit up as he snapped his fingers. "I got it! Mr. Cuddlyspike Riffles!"

Anybodys huffed and turned to the pantry.

* * *

As Anybodys was turning down the bed that night, A-Rab brought in the cage with the hedgehog, which they still had not officially named. Anybodys glanced at man and hedgehog warily. "What're you doin'?"

"He was lonely," A-Rab informed her with the utmost seriousness.

Disgusted, Anybodys sat down on the bed, rubbing her sore legs. She froze when A-Rab sat behind her on the bed, kneading her shoulders. "I wish ya'd think about the name, Any."

Anybodys, hormones once again in full drive, smirked as she turned around and, with surprising agility for one in her condition, knocked A-Rab down and straddled him. "Maybe we can…negotiate," she suggested with a devilish smirk.

A-Rab, however, cast a fearful look at the cage. "But…but Any, _he's watching_!"

Anybodys, making a noise of frustration, yanked off A-Rab's shirt and tossed it onto the cage, effectively masking them from view of the hedgehog. She turned back to her husband, but he still looked upset. "But…Any, he can _hear_ _us_!"

Anybodys growled, "A-Rab. I have been horny as hell since I woke up this mornin', an' I have not had sex all day, so _shut up an' let me screw you_."

A-Rab gasped as she began to do just that. "Okay!"

* * *

They never did settle on one name; it was, they discovered, much more fun to negotiate.


	24. Five Months and Three Weeks

Disclaimer: The Rivas family belongs to **LCV Productions**, special emphasis on the **V**.

* * *

_Twenty-Three Weeks_

"Oh, _Señorita _Jet, it is so nice to see you again!" Rosalia chirped as she threw the door open. "Or should I say _Señora_ Jet now?"

"Ya could always call me Anybodys, y'know," Anybodys reminded the Puerto Rican woman as she and A-Rab moved inside.

Rosalia laughed. "But _querida_, that is so boring!" She beamed at A-Rab as he followed his wife. "And hello to you, _Señor_ Jet!"

"Hi, Rosalia," A-Rab said, glancing around warily for the Rivas children; he had had enough experience with them to know to be prepared when coming over here.

Sure enough, Clementina came trotting out from the kitchen, her hands smeared, as they always were, in orange marmalade. "_Hola, Señor_ Jet!" she trilled happily. She stopped short in front of Anybodys, her brown eyes widening. "Ooh, _Señorita_, your tummy is so _big_!"

"Shh!" Liliana, who had just come out of the kitchen, her own fingers covered in finger paint, hissed at her sister. "It's rude to call people fat," she said in a loud whisper.

"I didn't call her fat, I just said her tummy is big!" Clementina protested.

"Fat people have big tummies; _duh_," Liliana chastised, sounding as if she were far superior to her sister.

A wild shout came from the kitchen, followed by four-year-old Marianela, wearing a mask made of Play-Doh. Indio was hot on her heels, swiping her up with one arm with all the athletic prowess of a football player. "Gotcha!" he declared, setting the wild child on his hip. "Oh, hello, Anybodys, A-Rab."

"Hi," A-Rab said, amused. "Gotcha hands full?"

"You have no idea," Indio said dryly. "But you will be a parent yourself, soon, and then you will see."

"Come; Luis is in the kitchen, and he is so excited for you to be eating his cooking!" Rosalia declared, leading the way to the kitchen.

Luis, who was surrounded by dishes of _empanadas_ and _fajitas_ and _chimichangas_, glanced up frantically. "Rosita, your children are fighting again!"

Sure enough, Andres and Violeta were grappling with each other, one occasionally breaking free to smack the other as they shouted in hot Spanish.

"_Niños_!" Rosalia shouted, not sounding terribly concerned. "Stop fighting, _por favor_!"

"But he put peanut butter in my jelly!" Violeta whined.

"And she put grape jelly in my peanut butter!" Andres shouted.

Indio, setting Marianela down, prised the two apart. "_Enough_. Go wash up for dinner, _sì_?"

"_Sì_, _Papi_," the children agreed, running to the bathroom and fighting to be the first to wash his or her hands.

"Smells good," Anybodys commented, taking a place at the table. "Wish we had some-a this around the house."

"Oh, Luis can cook for you any time!" Rosalia assured her, causing Luis to look up in alarm. "And because you are _embarazada_, you have first dibs on everything!"

This made Anybodys very happy.

When the children had been corralled by Indio and A-Rab (since Luis was busy preparing the meal and Rosalia was busy talking to Anybodys) and the blessing had been said by Marianela (this took a long time, for four-year-olds have to thank God for everything, right down to their pinkie toes), Anybodys loaded up her plate with the deliciously greasy food.

"Oh my Go'," she managed around a mouthful of _chimichangas_, swallowing with a euphoric face. "If I wasn't wearin' this idiot's ring, I'd marry ya, Luis, just fer the food."

"I am flattered, Anybodys, but I think we are all very glad that that is not the case," Luis said, his face pale as A-Rab gave him a glare.

"Yeah," A-Rab said, settling a possessive arm around Anybodys. "We are."

Rosalia laughed. "Oh, _Señor_ Jet, you are so funny! I remember when you both thought you hated each other! Remember, _Señora_ Jet? I kept saying that you two would make such a good couple, and you did not believe me, and now here you are, married and with a baby on the way!" Her eyes took on a dreamy quality. "Oh, _querida_, is it not _wonderful_, being in the family way?"

"Oh, it's a blast," Anybodys said sarcastically. "Especially the part where I'm bloated ta the size of a whale an' can't stop eatin'. _That's_ just ginger."

Rosalia, however, was not to be deterred. "Oh, but that is only part of it…is it not wonderful, knowing you have a little one growing inside you? Don't you love feeling the _bebé_ kick?" Her face took on a wicked look. "And the always wanting to make love part is not so bad, either."

"Rosalia!" Luis and Indio exclaimed at the same time, each looking horrified. Luis even clamped his hands on Liliana's ears.

"The_ niños_!" Indio hissed, looking at the children with a fearful expression.

"What?" Andres, who had been absorbed in a _fajita_, asked.

"Nothing!" Indio said quickly.

A-Rab smirked as he began to rub Anybodys's thigh. "That's yer favorite part, ain't it, babe?"

Anybodys responded by smacking A-Rab's hand off of her. "_Not. While. I'm. Eatin',_" she ground out, looking positively murderous.

"Do not become between food and expectant mothers, _Señor_ Jet!" Rosalia said, tapping A-Rab on the nose.


	25. Six Months

A/N: So I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the stress in my life has been increased tenfold, resulting in sinuses acting up, rashes, insomnia, mild to severe headaches, inability to control already insatiable hunger, general snappishness towards anyone, even if (perhaps especially if) they only ask if they might borrow a pencil, and bursting into tears on mother's shoulder for no apparent reason. The _good_ news is that I have the fic finished and, unless I die of work overload (which I am fully anticipating), should make time to update every Tuesday.

Also, I would like to apologize if anything about the pregnancy is inaccurate; if I ask my mom too many questions about pregnancy, she will most likely think I am pregnant or am doing anything to become pregnant and freak out and send me to a convent or…something. Best not to find out what that something might be, though.

Once again, thanks for the reviews; they truly do mean a lot to me!

* * *

_Twenty-Four Weeks_

Anybodys really wasn't sure why she put up with her husband sometimes. He was currently guiding her through the house, stopping to point things out to the baby. She wasn't exactly sure where he had gotten this harebrained idea; most likely from Mouthpiece.

"An' _this_ is the kitchen table, where yer gonna eat yer meals!"

Yes, definitely Mouthpiece's idea.

"An' this is Mr. McCuddlyspike," A-Rab went on, poking a finger in the cage.

"Krull the Warrior King," Anybodys corrected at once.

"He's our pet hedgehog," A-Rab said, as if Anybodys had not just spoken. "He's very cute an'…an' spiky…"

"A-Rab," Anybodys sighed. "Can we stop? I don't see what this is doin', except makin' me tired."

"Snowboy said babies can sense their surroundin's an' can hear; didja know the baby knows our voices now?" A-Rab said, looking positively thrilled.

"How do people figure that?" Anybodys asked, dumbfounded.

"I dunno…guess that's why they're experts," A-Rab said, shrugging.

"I don't believe it," Anybodys said. "The baby's surrounded by all that amniotic fluid an' stuff…how can it hear anything?"

"Well, it _does_," A-Rab said, scoffing. "Can'tcha hear underwater?"

"Well, yeah," Anybodys said, still not believing her husband. It seemed unlikely…

"An' he's—sorry, _it's_—_gotta_ feel the vibrations when ya talk," A-Rab continued, bending down to talk to the baby. "You hear me, don'tcha, little fella?"

"A-Rab," Anybodys growled. "Ya don't know it's a boy yet. _Stop callin' it a 'little fella.'"_

A-Rab, however, ignored her. "You know who yer daddy is, don'tcha?" he cooed, crouching down and rubbing Anybodys's pregnant belly. "Yeah, you know who yer daddy is!"

"A-Rab," Anybodys sighed.

"What's that, little fella?" A-Rab asked, pretending the fetus had said something. He pressed his ear to Anybodys's belly.

"A-Rab!"

A-Rab, however motioned for her to be quiet. "Shh, I hear somethin'!"

"I'm gonna deck ya in a minute," Anybodys snapped, getting fed up.

"No, really!" A-Rab protested, his voice completely serious. "It sounds like a heartbeat…"

Anybodys froze. They both held their breaths for a moment as A-Rab pressed his ear further into her stomach, listening.

"Oh my God," he said after a moment, pulling away and looking up at her in awe. "I heard his heartbeat."

Anybodys was so stunned, even pleased, that she didn't even think to chastise him for saying "he" instead of "it." She smiled and allowed A-Rab to lead her to the couch, where he promptly pressed his ear to her belly and listened to his child.


	26. Six Months and One Week

_Twenty-Five Weeks_

"Top o' the mornin' to yeh, lads an' lassies!" Snowboy bellowed as he threw open the door to the Bootlegger.

Anybodys, who was pouring yet another beer, raised her eyebrows. "Y'know, Snowboy, it's a good thing I don't got an appointment with ya today, 'cause I don't think I'd trust ya 'round my unborn when yer hammered at two o'clock in the afternoon."

"Aw, Any-buddy-bodies," Snowboy said, lurching onto a bar stool, "This is a day fer _celebratin'_! _Especially _fer you; _you're_ Irish!"

"An' pregnant," Anybodys said, sliding the beer to the tipsy man down the bar.

"Well, ya could still be wearin' green," Snowboy pointed out, blinking slightly as he tried to focus. "Y'know, they're all wearin' green down at O'Grady's."

"That's 'cause they're a Mick joint, an' most-a the guys who go there used ta be Emeralds," Anybodys reminded him. "Anyway, ya better not let A-Rab see ya like that, 'cause he might flip his lid if he finds out."

"A-Rab _worries_ too much," Snowboy declared. "Where is yer blushin' groom, anyway?"

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "He an' Action an' Elvis're deliverin' a shipment from the warehouse; they should be back soon."

The door banged open and Tiger and Gee-Tar careened in, arms around each other as they belted out "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

"Oh, boy," Anybodys muttered. "This'll be fun."

"Give us a drink, bartender-lady!" Gee-Tar said, collapsing onto a stool.

"Not if yer gonna talk ta me like that," Anybodys said, frowning.

"Ya can't deny customers," Gee-Tar argued, blinking as he fought to focus on her.

"Try me," Anybodys snapped.

The door opened normally this time as Ice and Big Deal entered, looking only slightly flushed and nowhere near as drunk as everyone else in the bar.

"Happy St. Patty's Day!" Big Deal said happily, he and Ice taking a seat. "How's our mother-ta-be?"

"Not drunk," Anybodys sighed.

"Aw, cheer up, Anybodys; least ya won't have a terrible hangover tomorrah," Big Deal said consolingly.

"So, can we get a coupla beers?" Ice asked.

As Anybodys was holding what felt like the nine millionth glass under the beer tap, A-Rab, Action and Elvis came back.

"Hi, everybody!" Elvis greeted, giving Anybodys's stomach a customary rub.

"You been standin' all this time?" A-Rab wanted to know after kissing her hello.

"Aw, A, I'm fine!" Anybodys protested, even as she let him sit her down on the chair Action had pulled behind the counter in case she got tired. "'Sides, it ain't like I'll be doin' this fer much longer."

"Whaddya mean by that, Anybodys?" Tiger asked dumbly.

"In a couple weeks she'll be in her third trimester, which means no more workin'," A-Rab explained.

"Damn Snowboy," Anybodys muttered.

Before Snowboy could slur a proper retort to this, the door opened as Mouthpiece led Midge in. "Hiya, everyone!" he greeted happily as Midge took a seat.

"Oh, brother," Anybodys muttered to herself.

"Hey, buddy-boy, how ya doin'?" Snowboy asked in a very amiable sort of tone.

"We're doing just fine," Midge said. "Snowboy, I meant to thank you for recommending that birthing class; the instructor is _wonderful_!"

A-Rab, hearing this, moved to sit with Midge and Mouthpiece. "Yer goin' to a birthin' class?"

Midge raised an eyebrow but nodded. "Yes; it's most informative, and it really is helping us prepare for the babies. You should consider signing up for it."

A-Rab, glancing at a thankfully-distracted Anybodys, nodded, turning back to Midge. "Yeah, that'd be great…"

As Midge scribbled down the name and number of the instructor, Joyboy burst in and, without any warning whatsoever, leapt onto the counter and began to perform a strip-dance.

"Thank God I'm gettin' outta here," Anybodys sighed, averting her eyes.


	27. Six Months and Two Weeks

"It is much easier to become a father than to be one."

~Kent Nerburn, _Letters to My Son: Reflections on Becoming a Man_, 1994

* * *

_Twenty-Six Weeks_

Anybodys stared as A-Rab burst through the door with two rolls of wallpaper and dragging a cardboard box.

"What the hell is all that?"

A-Rab panted as he dropped the wallpaper rolls and kicked the box to the side. "Stuff…fer the nursery."

Anybodys stared for a long moment before speaking. "The…the _nursery_?"

"Well, baby's gotta have someplace ta sleep, right?" A-Rab said, rather self-consciously.

Anybodys's dumbfounded expression remained in place. "But…the baby won't be comin' fer another, like, five months!"

"Well, it's never too early ta start plannin'," A-Rab said defensively. "'Sides, you won't be able ta do much more in a week or so."

"Don't remind me," Anybodys groaned; in around a week, she'd be in her third trimester and forbidden from doing many things. Not that she would have the willpower, anyway; Midge was only a month ahead of her and already could barely take standing up. Of course, she was also carrying twins, and they were Mouthpiece's, at that—any child of his _had_ to be difficult to carry, let alone _two_. "What's in the box, anyway?"

"A crib," A-Rab announced, sounding quite pleased with himself.

Anybodys stared. "A whole crib is in _that_? I mean, that might work fer a midget or somethin', but not a _normal_ baby. Then again, it _is_ yer kid…"

"Ha, ha, I can hardly breathe fer laughin'," A-Rab snapped. "It's in pieces; ya put it together."

"That's dumb," Anybodys snorted, returning to her potato chips smothered in guacamole. "Why not just buy a whole crib? I bet they charged ya extra fer a broken one, too."

"It ain't _broken_, it just ain't fully assembled!" A-Rab was starting to get impatient. "I thought ya wanted ta help put together the place where our _child_ will _sleep_, but if yer gonna be like this, I'll do it myself!"

"Well, duh," Anybodys said, as if this had been quite obvious in the first place. "What kinda wallpaper didja get, anyway?"

When A-Rab showed her, she promptly choked on her guacamole. "You bastard, don't tell me you don't wanna boy!" she snapped. "No girl wants airplanes all over her walls!"

"They ain't just _any_ airplanes; they're _jets_," A-Rab informed her with maddening patience.

She had to admit, it was difficult to argue with that.

Wallpapering the room was easy enough; A-Rab did most of it so that Anybodys would not overexert herself. They finished in the early afternoon and, because this had been such a success, A-Rab decided to work on the crib. By early evening, it was no more assembled than it had been in the box.

"I don't _get_ it!" A-Rab shouted, frustrated.

"Toldja it was dumb," Anybodys said, dumping a spoonful of yogurt into her mouth.

A-Rab glared at her. "It's sure a helluva lot easier'n draggin' a whole crib in here!"

"Says the guy who's been workin' on that damn thing fer five hours," Anybodys pointed out.

"You haven't even been helpin' me!" A-Rab snapped.

"'Cause I knew it was dumb," Anybodys snorted. "'Sides, I didn't wanna hear all those 'insert tab a inta slot b' jokes."

A-Rab made a growling noise as he attempted to assemble the crib again.

Anybodys, rolling her eyes, leaned down and whispered something in his ear before leaving.

It wasn't until about five minutes later that what his wife had just whispered in his ear registered with him. Dropping the crib pieces, A-Rab bolted towards the bedroom, where something far more pleasant than crib-assemblage awaited.


	28. Six Months and Three Weeks

A/N: So, I had this beautiful little timeline all worked out, and then I realized that it didn't parallel just right with real time (Easter would be about two weeks late or so), so I've had to rearrange some things, and that is why I'm posting on Sunday instead of Tuesday (although you shall receive another update this week). Because you all were really dying to know that.

Anyway. Now, I have never been to a birthing class, and my mom never talks about them, which I assume means she's never been to one (she talks about pregnancy frequently, I think to discourage me from having a premarital one, so if she hasn't mentioned it, chances are she hasn't experienced it), so my knowledge of them is limited to television, and we all know how accurate _Friends_ can be. So anyway, I apologize if anything here seems out of place; I based this entire chapter solely off of the Lamaze websites.

I also have to give enormous thanks to **Vee**, who suggested this chapter in the first place. This is all for you, love.

I'd like to offer ENORMOUS, pregnant-lady-sized-thanks to **Vee** and **Meg** for their reviews!

* * *

_Twenty-Seven Weeks_

"Where are we goin'?" Anybodys wanted to know, waddling along as A-Rab pulled on her hand.

"It's…well, it's kind of a surprise," A-Rab said, pushing open the door to the building.

"A-Rab, I'm almost seven months pregnant; _I don't want any surprises_," Anybodys growled.

A-Rab hesitated as he punched the elevator button. "I…I'll tell ya…inside!" And before Anybodys could protest, he shoved her in the elevator, jumped in after her, and slammed his hand on the "close door" button.

"What the _hell_ is up with you today?!" Anybodys asked. "Ya been actin' all jumpy an', an' _weird_! What's goin' on?"

A-Rab sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't wanna tell ya earlier, 'cause I knew ya wouldn't wanna come…"

"A-Rab," Anybodys said warningly.

A-Rab took a deep breath. "Well…it's a Lamaze class."

Anybodys stared at him for a long moment. "A _what_ class?"

A-Rab winced. "It's…well…it's a birthin' class."

Anybodys stared at him so long that he began to wonder if maybe she was not at all upset as he had anticipated. As the elevator pinged, however, she began to beat her fists against him. "You moron!" she shouted, ignoring the shocked faces of the people waiting for the elevator. A-Rab hastily sidled out of the elevator, causing Anybodys to waddle after him, hissing like an angry goose.

"What the hell is yer problem?!" Anybodys demanded to know. "Why the hell would I need ta go to a birthin' class?!" She narrowed her eyes. "Are you sayin' I'm gonna be a bad mother or somethin'?"

"No, a-course not!" A-Rab said, grateful she had ceased hitting him. "I just…Midge was talkin' about how great this class was an' how she an' Mouthpiece are all ready fer _their_ baby, an' apparently Snowboy says it's a really good idea, so I thought we'd take a look at it."

"Dumbass," Anybodys muttered.

A-Rab sighed. "Well, look, I already paid for it an' we're runnin' late enough as it is, so let's just go, okay? If ya don't like it, we'll stop goin'."

Anybodys huffed but allowed A-Rab to drag her down the hall. They spilled into the room marked "Dr. Silverman's Lamaze Class" and froze as seven other couples, all seated on a sky-blue mat, turned to stare at them. A man who easily resembled Rock Hudson stood at the front of the room, and he smiled as they came in. "I see we have some late arrivals. Please, take a seat."

"Sorry," A-Rab muttered, forcing a very reluctant Anybodys into the room.

"I assume you are the Rabinowitz family?" Dr. Silverman asked, consulting a roster.

"Um, yes," A-Rab said, easing Anybodys down onto the mat.

"Very good," Dr. Silverman said cheerfully. "Now, as I was saying: this class will explore what 'normal' birth is and how simple pregnancy and birth unfold when allowed to progress naturally, without unnecessary medical interventions; the history of birth and how the childbirth experience has changed over the years for so many women; information on maternity care to help parents choose a caregiver and a birth site that support their choices; research evidence to help women distinguish fact from fiction in obstetrics; and practical strategies for communicating and negotiating with medical caregivers." The speech sounded highly rehearsed; A-Rab frowned as he realized that this had been exactly what had been printed on the pamphlet.

"I do not believe this; yer wastin' our money on _this_?" Anybodys whispered, scowling at a nearby blonde who cast her a dirty look.

"Midge said it was…what was it? 'Most informative.' Figured it was worth a _try_," A-Rab said, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Still; I can_not_ believe ya signed me up for a _birthin' class_," Anybodys hissed.

"I need a volunteer…Mrs. Rabinowitz! How about you?" called Dr. Silverman, and it was quite obvious from the look on his face that he had chosen her for a reason. The blonde who had given Anybodys the dirty look appeared quite smug.

Anybodys, glaring at A-Rab, allowed him to help her up before she moved to the front. Dr. Silverman helped her onto the mat with practiced ease. "Now, the massage is very important, as it can help relieve physical pain and stress," he said, kneeling behind Anybodys. To A-Rab's extreme horror, Dr. Silverman put his hands right on the upper part of Anybodys's rear and began to massage.

"OH, I DON'T THINK SO."

Several women shrieked as A-Rab, with impressive speed, leapt to his feet, stormed to Dr. Silverman, and decked him. Leaning down to face the instructor (who was sporting a bloody nose), he snarled, "I want a refund." And with that, he pulled Anybodys to her feet and stormed out of the room with her.

"Freakin' waste-a time," A-Rab said, seething as he punched the elevator button. "C'mon," he said roughly, yanking Anybodys inside.

Anybodys stared at him for a moment before licking her lips. "Y'know…yer kinda hot when yer mad," she informed him, stopping the elevator.

"Yer kinda hot when I'm mad, too," A-Rab said, smirking.

All in all, it wasn't a _complete_ waste of time.


	29. Seven Months

A/N: Because today is April Fools' Day and this chapter is set _on_ April Fools' Day (although sadly, that has very little to do with the actual plot of this chapter), I simply had to update today. So, here you go. Also, I want to give a shout-out to my boy-toy, whose birthday is today. And funnily enough, his birthday being on April Fools' Day surprises no one. I LOVE YOU, ERIC.

The usual eternal love to my readers/reviewers, and a message to BREAK A LEG SO HARD IT NEVER REPAIRS, BUT NOT REALLY to **Meg**.

* * *

"Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant."

~Jim Cole

_Twenty-Eight Weeks_

"Snowboy, I'm gonna kill ya."

Snowboy raised his eyebrows over his beer. "I'm guessin' this ain't an April Fool's joke?"

A-Rab looked heavily annoyed. "That Lamaze instructor was no good!"

Snowboy became very interested in his drink. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, _really_," A-Rab snapped, not seeming to realize Snowboy's shift in behavior. "I dunno what Midge was thinkin'; the guy was a nutcase!"

"I guess this is, uh, the one who looks like Rock Hudson?" Snowboy asked, still not meeting A-Rab's eyes.

"_Traitor_," A-Rab hissed. "He grabbed my wife's ass!"

"He _what_?" Snowboy asked, jerking to look at A-Rab.

"He grabbed her ass! He called her up ta the front fer a demonstration—it was just 'cause we was talkin', I know—an' he said some shit about a massage an' started squeezin' her ass!" A-Rab said, eyes wild.

Snowboy was trying very valiantly not to laugh. "Well…A-Rab…that's kinda how the Lamaze massage works."

A-Rab stared at Snowboy for a long moment. "I don't believe it," he finally said disbelievingly. "Why'd ya let Midge go see that creep, anyway?"

Snowboy glanced around to make sure they weren't being overheard. "Well…I mean…I knew you were gonna have this reaction if I suggested the class. But I knew that Mouthpiece wasn't gonna think twice about it."

"Think twice? That's if he manages ta think at _all_," Anybodys said, waddling back from the bathroom and easing onto a barstool. "What were ya talkin' about, anyway?"

"Yer husband was informin' me that he, uh, didn't like the Lamaze class," Snowboy said, smirking as A-Rab turned red.

Anybodys rolled her eyes. "Did he tell ya what he did?"

"Grabbed yer ass, apparently," Snowboy answered.

Anybodys scoffed. "Not _him_; _A-Rab_!" At Snowboy's headshake, she went on, "He decked the guy!"

Snowboy laughed so hard that he fell off of his barstool.

"He deserved it," A-Rab muttered, taking Snowboy's vacated stool.

Bernice, who was sitting on Anybodys's other side, perked up. "Ooh, is that Dr. Silverman still teaching the class?"

"Uh, yeah," Anybodys said.

Bernice smirked. "Oh, _I_ remember him. He used me fa demonstrations a _lot_. Remember, baby?" she asked Gee-Tar.

"Unfortunately," Gee-Tar snapped.

"Well, it's been nice, but we gotta get home," A-Rab interrupted, not wanting Anybodys to overtire herself; she was in her third trimester now and had to be treated delicately.

Anybodys, rolling her eyes, eased off the stool and shrugged into her jacket. As they left the Bootlegger (and ducked more celebratory confetti), A-Rab noticed that Anybodys had a grin on her face—a rarity these days. "What're you grinnin' at?"

Anybodys halted. "A-Rab, gimme yer hand."

Surprised, A-Rab held out his hand and watched as she pressed his palm flat against her belly. Nothing happened for a few moments, but then, quite suddenly, something did. There was a small but definite jolt right under A-Rab's hand, and he let out a gasp, his eyes meeting Anybodys's searchingly. She was smiling. "The baby's kickin'. It's been doin' it all day, but I wanted ta wait ta show ya 'til we was alone."

A-Rab looked as if Christmas had come early. "That…that's the baby?"

Anybodys nodded, now fairly beaming. "Yeah."

A-Rab grinned, throwing his arm around her shoulders and keeping one hand at her stomach. "C'mon; let's go home."

* * *

Anybodys woke up to find that A-Rab was rubbing her stomach…_again_. It had all been very sweet at first, but things had crossed over into the territory of just plain creepy when he had followed her into the bathroom, still rubbing away at her stomach and the unborn. "A," she said loudly.

He jerked a little. "What?"

"_Stop it_! Some of us're tryin' ta sleep!" Anybodys whined. "It's hard enough with the baby kickin' left, right an' center, an' now yer just wakin' it up!"

A-Rab sheepishly dropped his hand. After a moment, a wicked smile crossed his face. "Don' babies fall asleep from _rockin'_?"

"The kinda rockin' _yer_ thinkin' about would wake it up, if it ain't already," Anybodys snapped.

A-Rab pouted. "Aw, yer no fun."

"Maybe ya'll think about that next time ya think about knockin' me up," Anybodys yawned, fluffing her pillow.


	30. Seven Months and One Week

A/N: I totally forgot that I had written an Easter-centric chapter until halfway through church (note to self: get to church an hour early to get a parking space before the Chreasters and their twice-a-year-piety), so, heh, here you go. I hope everyone's having a happy Easter!

Imaginary Easter eggs to **Vee** and **fir8008** for reviewing; they really do mean a lot!

* * *

"Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside."

~Rita Rudner

.

_Twenty-Nine Weeks_

Anybodys was finding that more and more, she was starting to let people rope her into doing things she really had no inclination whatsoever to do. Like going to Baby John and Minnie's new house in the suburbs to watch the kids go on an Easter-egg hunt.

The backyard was not very large, especially when one considered all the children that were running around in it, but it was still a backyard, something very few of the Jets were accustomed to seeing. JJ, Richie, Will, Riff Jr., Elvis, Jaime, Paul, and Amanda were joyously shouting out every time they found a brightly-painted egg in not-very-subtle hiding places while Dorothy, Ava, Cecilia, Gus and Jenny toddled along after their older brothers and sisters, gnawing on the plastic eggs (or anything else they had found lying around).

Watching the proceedings from the patio were all the mothers, some occasionally calling out for their offspring to stop hitting your brother, make sure your sister has the same number of eggs you do, don't take all the plastic ones for yourself, save some for the others, no, don't throw the eggs at each other, you'll ruin your nice clothes, and please take that out of your mouth right now. Graziella and Bernice sat showing off Gina and Bernadette, each of whom looked somewhat shell-shocked by the amount of flounces their outfits contained.

Anybodys, taking a sip of her pink lemonade, glanced longingly inside, where the men were all watching a wrestling match. That was a _much_ better way to spend a Sunday; not watching kids trip over clothes they would only wear for Easter or weddings as they scrambled to grab eggs and listening to the women gossip—as usual.

"…I mean, personally, I don't wanna tell other people how ta raise their kids, but fer him ta let Elvis wander around a _bar_ like that…"

"He doesn't let him drink anything, does he?"

"Oh yes he does! Elvis's started recommending _drinks_! He's tried every one!"

"Oh, surely not…I'm sure he's just heard Action saying what was good and is trying to imitate his daddy. Richie and JJ do it all the time!"

"Don't kid yerself, Minnie; that kid knows too much about drinks. I'm tellin' ya, Action oughta find someone ta watch Elvis aftah school, or else that kid is gonna end up a drunk bum."

"Well, Action might not need to fer much longer."

"Whaddya mean by that, Bernice?"

Bernice, who had an entirely too-smug expression on her face, leaned in slightly, and the other women imitated her, knowing that she was about to divulge important information. Even Anybodys found herself leaning in; the look on Bernice's face was impossible to ignore.

"Well," Bernice said in a conspiratorial stage-whisper, "I got a call from Pauline the other day…turns out she's comin' back ta town."

Several gasps followed this statement.

"You're _kidding_!"

"No!"

"Get outta town!"

"Is she _really_?"

Bernice nodded, that smug look still on her face. "Oh yeah. Remember that lawyer she ran off ta Brazil with? Well, his wife found out an' started causin' trouble, so he came right back an' is flyin' Pauline up once his wife calms down."

"Are they still going to see each other?" a positively horrified Minnie asked, looking faint.

"Nah; she said she's kinda glad his wife pitched a fit, 'cause she was gettin' bored with him. An' he bought her a real nice set-a pearls, too, ta apologize. A-course, he practically bought out Tiffany's ta apologize ta his _wife_," Bernice added, looking thoughtful.

"Does Action know?" Graziella asked in a hushed tone.

Bernice's expression turned very serious as she shook her head. "She didn't want him ta know; said he'd get all worked up."

Anybodys, quite against her better judgment, joined in the conversation. "Yeah, but _everything_ gets Action worked up; it's just who he _is_. He's gonna bust a gasket either way."

"Still, she's afraid he's gonna try an' get her ta marry him again," Bernice reminded Anybodys.

"I think it's terribly romantic," Minnie sighed, her countenance dreamy.

"No it ain't; he just wants Elvis ta have a mother, preferably the _real_ one," Graziella scoffed. "He could care less about _romance_."

"'Cause she's done _such_ a great job so far," Anybodys remarked sarcastically.

"Well, maybe she'll start now," Minnie suggested weakly.

Graziella snorted as she leaned back in her chair. "I doubt it; she dumped Elvis with Action when he was a baby fer a reason."

"I can't possibly imagine not having any kind of maternal instinct whatsoever," Midge said, appalled. "Of course, I can't quite imagine doing half the things Pauline does…"

"Or the people," Velma muttered.

Clarice tittered.

"Easy fer you ta say, Velma, when Ice's one-a the only guys she never, well, you know," Graziella reminded her friend, shooting a cautious glance at Minnie, who was thankfully absorbed in opening a plastic egg for Dorothy.

"Don't remind us," Clarice snapped, flushing at the reminder of boys who had been with Pauline.

Anybodys shifted uncomfortably; though the fact that A-Rab had been with Pauline numerous times before he and Anybodys got together had never exactly been a problem before, it was proving to upset her already unstable internal balance in its current state.

"Hey, you ain't the only one," Graziella said in a rather testy voice. "You only had _one_ guy who'd been with her; I had _three_!"

"But I thought you an' Action was broken up when he…y'know…with Pauline," Velma said, confused.

"Oh, whatever!" Graziella snapped. "I'm tryin' ta make a _point_ here, Vel!"

"What, that Ice an' Baby John were the only guys who never saw the appeal behind her? We're _far_ too aware of _that_," Clarice huffed.

The girls began to bicker then, drudging up things that had been long forgotten (but apparently remained quite fresh in some minds) and accusing someone else of doing something she shouldn't have and making catty remarks and overall acting much like they had when they were teenagers. Anybodys mumbled something about using the bathroom and eased out of her chair (though not without some difficulty), waddling inside.

A-Rab, Baby John, Action, Ice, Big Deal, Tiger, Gee-Tar and Ricky were all piled on the living room furniture, cheering wildly as Gorilla Monsoon leapt onto Killer Kowalski. Now, _this_ was more like it. Anybodys forced Gee-Tar out of his seat (an easy task) and settled in beside a surprised A-Rab.

"What're you doin'?" he asked, his eyes still on the screen.

"Too much estrogen out there," Anybodys explained. "I was gonna hafta kill myself."

"Well, there's a lotta testosterone in here," A-Rab warned her as the Jets cheered loudly.

"When has _that_ ever been a problem fa me?" Anybodys scoffed.

She had a point.


	31. Seven Months and Two Weeks

_Thirty Weeks_

Anybodys knocked on Sissy and Ricky's door with relief; the baby had been kicking fiercely earlier today and it had finally calmed down when she began the trek over here. She had nothing to do these days now that she was taking an extended leave of absence from the Bootlegger, so when Sissy had phoned and asked if she would like to come over for some cookies and lemonade along with Minnie (after the move to the suburbs, Sissy figured that Minnie needed a break), she had gratefully accepted in the invitation. If she was willing to be honest with herself, Anybodys would admit that she was somewhat grateful to not be working in her present condition; the baby kicked frequently, and since it was growing everyday, it was more and more tiresome, even painful at times.

The door was opened by Minnie, who was beaming a bit wider than usual. "Oh, Anybodys, I'm so glad you could make it!" she gushed, widening the gap in the door to let Anybodys in. "Please come in! Sissy's, um, in the kitchen."

Before Anybodys had time to register that there was something decidedly off, a group of people—more specifically, women—leapt out from behind the furniture, shouting, "Surprise!"

Anybodys yelped, a hand flying to her belly as the baby gave an almighty kick of displeasure. "What the _hell_?" she sputtered.

Sissy, Rosalia, Midge, Clarice, Bernice, Velma, even Graziella burst into very girlish giggles at this.

"It's your baby shower!" Minnie exclaimed, clapping her hands in delight. "I wanted to surprise you!"

"Aw, Minnie…ya shouldn't have," Anybodys said, her words holding more seriousness than Minnie could ever know.

"Oh, I know, but I wanted to," Minnie said obliviously, looking terribly pleased with herself. "After all, every mother needs a baby shower, and planning one for yourself is the _last_ thing you need right now!"

"C'mon an' sit; take a load off yer feet," Sissy advised.

"Oh, how rude of me, I've just been chattering away while you're probably fatigued!" Minnie exclaimed, eyes wide. "Yes, do sit!"

Anybodys found herself sitting next to Midge, who gave her an ironic sort of smile. "Don't worry; the same thing happened to me," she said quietly as Minnie bustled about. "I _insisted_ on not having a baby shower, but you know Minnie; once her mind is set on something, she simply won't stop. She invited the _entire_ female staff and faculty!"

"Yeah, well, that's Minnie," Anybodys said, reaching for a cookie on the plate before them. "Wonder why I didn't hear about that."

"Probably because she didn't want to spoil your surprise," Midge said, sighing. She glanced down at her belly in disapproval. "Excuse me, but it is extremely rude to kick your mother while she is having a conversation."

Anybodys stared for a moment before asking, "Did you just _seriously_ snap at yer stomach?"

"I reprimanded my children, to be more specific," Midge said primly, adjusting her glasses. "They can recognize my voice, you know, and I don't see the harm in instructing them in manners."

"They ain't even born yet," Anybodys pointed out.

"Yes, but the experiences babies receive while in the womb can prove to be key in shaping their personalities in life," Midge informed her pregnant friend.

Anybodys blinked and then turned to Sissy, who had seated herself on Anybodys's other side. "So ya knew about this the whole time?"

Sissy gave a guilty smile. "Yeah; sorry, sis. But y'know, it _is_ part-a havin' a baby; ya'll be grateful afterwards."

And Anybodys found that, afterwards, she _was_ grateful: she received diapers, baby clothes, baby toys, several pacifiers, a bottle, several blankets in varying colors and designs (mostly with teddy bears and rocking horses, although there was one with hippopotamuses, courtesy of Mouthpiece), and a "Baby's First" book (not that Anybodys ever intended on using it, but Minnie didn't have to know that).

"Wow, this is…thanks," Anybodys managed when she had opened the last present, surveying the mess of delicate tissue paper and gift wrapping.

"Don't mention it," Bernice said carelessly, reaching for another brownie; the girls had all brought treats of some kind, which Anybodys was extremely grateful for.

"This is your first baby, _Señora_ Jet; we must prepare you!" Rosalia chirped. "I was not prepared at _all_ when I first had the twins; I am so glad Luis was there to help me with them!"

"An' every kid aftah that," Graziella pointed out, lips twitching as she took a sugar cookie.

"_Sì, _this is true!" Rosalia remarked cheerfully. Her eyes widened. "Oh, _Señora_ Jet, I should tell Luis to help you with your little one when he is born!"

"Did you say _he_?" Minnie asked keenly.

"Why does everyone think my baby's gonna be a boy?" Anybodys wanted to know, ruffled.

"How d'ya know it's a boy?" Velma asked Rosalia in interest.

"Oh, because of the way she carries him," Rosalia said in a somewhat careless voice.

"That's simply an old wives' tail," Midge said dismissively, adjusting her glasses. "People always come up with silly little algorithms to figuring out if the baby being carried is a boy or a girl, and it's always just rough speculation."

"Oh really, Miss Midge?" Rosalia challenged. "I am never wrong about these things."

Anybodys had a feeling that this was something of an exaggeration, but she decided against pointing that out.

"Oh, really, that's just poppycock," Midge scoffed.

Rosalia opened her mouth to argue, but Clarice cleared her throat and, upon catching Rosalia's eye, shook her head. Rosalia crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I _still_ say it is going to be a boy."

"You sound like A-Rab," Anybodys said, slightly annoyed as she bit into a sugar cookie.

"Aw, don't worry about it, Anybodys," Clarice said in sympathy. "Frankie kept sayin' we were gonna have a boy, an' then Cecilia came. But he's crazy about her; I'm sure A-Rab'll love a boy _or_ a girl."

"He'd better," Anybodys threatened. "I ain't carryin' around his baby fa nine months just fa him ta whine when it ain't exactly what he wanted."

"Well, men're whiners anyway; it's just easier ta tune 'em out," Bernice sighed.

There was a collective eye-roll as everyone remembered that Gee-Tar was infamous for whining…frequently.

"Oh, but he will love _any_ baby; he is so excited to be a papa," Rosalia said in a self-assured tone, taking a sip of her lemonade. "Men will never admit it, but they all secretly want to be papas. Look at _Señor_ Action; he is such a tough-guy, but he would do anything for his son!"

"I think all guys turn a little soft when it comes ta their kids," Velma said reasonably. "I mean, the Jets used ta be—well, I guess they still are—the top cats in town an' all that, but look at 'em now; most of 'em are dads, an' they're probably crazier about their kids than they were about bein' Jets."

"I dunno; sometimes I think Gee-Tar's scared-a his own kids," Bernice sighed.

"Yeah, well, Gee-Tar was scared-a the Jets, too," Anybodys scoffed dismissively. "There anymore-a that cake left, Minnie?"


	32. Seven Months and Three Weeks

A/N: Wow, it feels like ages since I last updated…maybe it's just because last week and this week feel like they've taken forever. And it's only Tuesday. Sigh.

As I'm sure you all haven noticed, I changed my penname. I like the new one a whole lot better (it was **Vee**'s suggestion, and I am very happy for it), for very obvious reasons ;)

Uber thanks to **Vee, Meg,** and **fir8008** for their reviews, without which I would be a very sad child.

* * *

"God's interest in the human race is nowhere better evinced than in obstetrics."

~Martin H. Fischer

_Thirty-One Weeks_

Anybodys sighed as she rolled over in bed yet again. Her stomach had been bothering her all night, and it was making it hard to sleep. It almost felt as if things were tightening…but that was stupid.

She slipped her hands under the hem of her shirt (well, A-Rab's, but it wasn't like he needed it anytime soon) and rubbed her belly to placate the baby; she froze as she realized her abdomen had tightened. She knew enough from A-Rab's incessant questions to Snowboy and from Sissy's overly-helpful advice to know that this was what happened during a contraction. She also knew enough to know that at less than eight months, a contraction should _not_ be happening. Of course, maybe it wasn't a contraction at all; maybe she was just being silly…

She shook A-Rab roughly. "A. A-Rab. _A-Rab_!"

"What?" he groused, not moving.

Anybodys grabbed his hand and put it on her bare stomach. "What does that feel like?" she demanded.

A-Rab rubbed his eyes and sat up, frowning. "Whaddya mean?"

"_That_," Anybodys groaned, feeling the tightening sensation again.

A-Rab's eyes widened. "That supposed ta happen?"

"I don't think so," Anybodys squeaked. "I think it's a contraction."

A-Rab whipped the covers off of him and fumblingly dialed Snowboy's number as Anybodys felt her stomach in panic. She had heard of babies born prematurely who had survived, but it was a small percentage and a chance she was hoping she wouldn't have to take.

"This'd better be good," Snowboy's sleepy voice said from the other line.

"Anybodys is havin' contractions!" A-Rab shouted at once.

There was a stunned pause. "You…yer sure?"

"Dunno what else it could be," Anybodys said, and A-Rab related this back to Snowboy.

"When did they start?"

Anybodys bit her lip. "I…I ain't sure…I guess all night."

"What does it feel like?"

"It, it gets really tight," Anybodys said helplessly, feeling the sensation again and panicking.

There was a long pause that made A-Rab highly nervous. Finally, Snowboy asked, "D'ya hurt all over, or just in yer stomach?"

Anybodys thought about it. "Well, just my stomach, I guess."

Another pause. "When ya get these contractions, is it a really bad pain that ya can't ignore, or is it just discomfort?"

"What're you gettin' at?" A-Rab demanded to know, not even bothering to relate this question to Anybodys as he had done with all the others. "What does it matter; they're contractions, ain't they?!"

Snowboy sighed. "Well, actually, it _does_ matter. There's two kinds of contractions. There's the kind that mean labor, an' then there's Braxton Hicks contractions."

Anybodys, who had been listening intently when A-Rab had stopped acting as the mediator, frowned. "Braxton Hiccups _what_?"

"Braxton Hicks contractions are…they're kinda like practice contractions. I'm guessin' that's what yer havin' since I ain't hoid any shoutin' or screamin' yet. The worst that happens is discomfort an' some tightening-a the abdomen, but that's about it. You can make 'em go away by walkin' around or drinkin' some water or usin' breathin' exercises." Snowboy now sounded tired again.

A-Rab and Anybodys stared at each other, dumbfounded. Finally, Anybodys prodded, "So…I _ain't_ goin' inta labor?"

"Apparently not," Snowboy yawned. "Trust me, ya'll _know_ when yer goin' inta labor."

"Oh. Well…okay." A-Rab was quiet for a moment. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Snowboy said in a nevertheless tired voice. "See ya."

A-Rab hung up before settling back into bed beside Anybodys, who was curiously running her hands over her abdomen; the Braxton Hicks contractions seemed to have stopped, for the most part. "You okay?" he asked, hoping she had not miscarried while freaking out about the contractions.

"Apparently," Anybodys scoffed. She glanced over at her husband. "A?"

"Yeah?"

"We're not havin' anymore kids aftah this."

A-Rab snorted. "We said we was never gonna have kids _period_, remember? _Or_ get married. An' now we're doin' both."

"I mean it this time," Anybodys snapped.

A-Rab smirked. "Sure ya do."

Anybodys glared at him. "Shut up."

"Yes, dear."


	33. Eight Months

A/N: I was originally going to put this up on Tuesday, as I normally do, but I literally don't think I'll be on the computer much at ALL this week (I'm guessing roughly thirty minutes a day, and even then I'll be brain-dead), because it is Hell Week, and as all us thespians know, it is PURE. TORTURE. So I'm updating today.

This chapter includes Elvis's back story, or at least part of it, if that's been confusing anyone; if you're still confused after reading the chapter, please don't hesitate to ask any questions!

Also, on a completely and utterly random note, _Avatar_? Is pretty much my new favorite epic!movie. I suggest that anyone who has not already seen it go rent it. Right now.

As always, I am extremely indebted to my reviewers; wherever would I be without you girls? :)

* * *

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."

~Oprah Winfrey

-

_Thirty-Two Weeks_

Though Anybodys was perfectly aware that Pauline had returned to the Upper West Side (it was all any of the former Jet Girls could talk about, apparently), the reality of it didn't seem to hit her until she turned around from getting a cookie at the Coffee Pot one day and came face-to-face with Pauline.

"Holy _shit_," Anybodys said at once, nearly dropping her cookie.

Pauline quirked an eyebrow in that way that was just so _Pauline_, her hands resting on slender hips. "It's great seein' you too, Anybodys." Her eyes drifted down to Anybodys's abdomen, and Anybodys was pleased to see the older woman's eyes widen. "What happened ta _you_?"

"Oh, well, ya see, I swallowed some bubble-gum…I'm _pregnant_, genius," Anybodys scoffed.

Pauline's eyes widened again as she saw Anybodys's hand resting on her heavily swollen belly. "An' _married_, I see?!"

Anybodys rarely had the upper hand over Pauline, but when she did, she enjoyed it immensely. "Yep."

"A-Rab?" Pauline asked, looking stunned.

Anybodys smirked. "Yeah, A-Rab."

Pauline tried to act as if this did not shock her. "Well, I guess I was wrong about you two." She suddenly smirked. "Guess he enjoyed the horny phase. Oh, don't gimme that modesty nonsense; that's what Midge is for. Now c'mon, admit it; there was a period around four an' five months when ya thought you was gonna die if ya didn't get somethin', am I right?"

Anybodys shifted uncomfortably. "Well…yeah," she admitted.

"I'd buy ya a congratulatory drink, but under the circumstances…" Pauline moved forward to get her coffee. She sauntered to a booth and motioned for Anybodys to follow. Without quite knowing why, she obliged. "So, how far along are ya?"

Anybodys pulled her cookie out of its wrapper. "'Bout eight months."

Pauline nodded. "Thought ya looked about ready ta pop." She took a sip of her coffee. "Y'know, I never figured ya fer the motherly type."

"Yeah, well, I didn't either," Anybodys admitted, shrugging. She tilted her head, watching Pauline. "Guess it don't happen ta everybody."

"Is that a thinly-veiled jab at the fact that I didn't wanna become the next June Cleaver?" Pauline asked indifferently.

"Well, I mean, I'm just sayin'; ya up an' left yer kid with _Action_," Anybodys began, her nose wrinkling as she imagined anyone being that desperate.

Pauline chuckled wryly. "I know it sounds dumb, but I knew what I was doin'. Kid turned out okay, didn't he?"

"He ain't even seven yet an' he knows how ta make a martini shaken, not stirred," Anybodys said in a tone that clearly said what-are-you-stupid-or-something.

"Somethin' everybody oughta know," Pauline said carelessly. She rolled her eyes at Anybodys's incredulous stare. "Oh, _honestly_, Anybodys; I knew he'd be fine with Action."

Anybodys hesitated before asking, "Why _did_ ya leave Elvis with Action?"

Pauline shrugged. "Well…he kinda looked like Action; figured he might be the dad. That, an' I wasn't sure I wanted ta leave my baby with any-a the other possible dads."

"Whaddya mean?"

Pauline sighed. "Well, think about it. Snowboy was off at college, an' Joyboy…God, I never know what's goin' on with that guy. Gee-Tar's too much of a pussy ta raise a kid (I dunno _how_ Bernice puts up with it), Mouthpiece's too much of an idiot…Action was the only guy I knew could take care-a him."

Anybodys's mouth fell open. "You _do_ care about him!"

Pauline shrugged, looking almost…_uncomfortable_? "Well, I mean, he _is_ my kid, an' even though he did a number on my figure, I mean, he still _came_ from me, didn't he? I couldn't-a just let him, well, _die_."

"I never figured ya fer the _humane_ type," Anybodys said, smirking.

Pauline gave her a withering look. "I'm human, ain't I?"

"Well, I've had my doubts…"

Pauline actually cracked a grin. "Haven't changed much, have ya, Anybodys?"

"You haven't either," Anybodys pointed out. "Still the biggest slut I've ever seen."

"An' proud of it," Pauline returned, not perturbed in the slightest. "Now, what's this I hear about our _dear_ friend Midge gettin' knocked up by _Mouthpiece_?"


	34. Eight Months and One Week

A/N: It's ironic that right as my Hell Week ends, **Vee**'s begins, although I suppose it's a good thing, since I really should be using the time she spends cramming to, oh, I don't know…study for my AP tests, perhaps?

Nah.

In any case, here's an update; not long now before the little sprog is born and Anybodys is no longer emotionally unstable; she'll soon be back to her mean, piss and vinegar self.

Also, May the Fourth be with you.

In any case, I want to give HUGE thanks to **Vee, Meg,** and **fir8008** for their supportive reviews. Hope your Hell Week gets better, **Vee**!

* * *

"By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant."

~Phyllis Diller

_Thirty-Three Weeks_

There was one feeling Anybodys seemed to be experiencing a lot lately: exhaustion. Though at fifteen she could run around the entire Upper West Side all night with only a long-digested apple for sustenance, she discovered that at almost twenty-four, she found it tiring to walk from the couch to the refrigerator when perfectly well-fed; perhaps even a little _over_fed.

Her feet hurt, her legs hurt, her hips hurt, her stomach hurt, her back hurt; hell, she hurt all over. Even her _insides_ hurt from the baby, who seemed to forget its size and think it was still capable of doing gymnastics inside her. And she was always, always tired. No matter how much she slept or even how well she slept, it never seemed to be enough. The only reason she even bothered getting out of bed or off the couch was to eat; she realized with horror that she was becoming a sober version of her father.

A-Rab was absolutely no help whatsoever. Anybodys's hormones had finally settled on one mood: frustration. As she no longer craved sex, she was starting to remember just how annoying her husband's horniness was. It wasn't even remotely appealing as it had been before her pregnancy; she began to actually dread his eager suggestions.

Anybodys crawled into bed before A-Rab that night (he was staying up to say goodnight to the hedgehog, which they still had not officially chosen a name for) and faked what she hoped were believable-sounding snores when A-Rab came in. He sighed but settled in beside her, draping an arm over her very pregnant belly. Anybodys hid a sigh of relief; that had been easier than she thought it would be.

* * *

She should've known it wouldn't last.

Now that the baby had decided to permanently stand on her bladder, Anybodys found herself getting up to use the bathroom frequently. At midnight, she groaned and lumbered to the bathroom, knowing this would not be the last time tonight but wishing it was.

She slipped into bed as stealthily as possible, settling into bed and trying not to wake up A-Rab. She realized she failed, however, as soon as he began to rub her back in an unmistakable manner. She groaned. "Please, A-Rab, not tonight."

A-Rab whined. "But, baby, we've only been doin' it, like, once a day lately! I got _needs_!"

"Well, yer gonna hafta deal with it," Anybodys snapped. "_I'm_ the one carryin' around yer baby! What about _my_ needs?!"

"You don't _have_ any needs, apparently!" A-Rab's voice had taken on a deeply upset tone. "What'm I s'posed ta do, wait 'til aftah the baby's born?!"

"Ya won't be able ta do it then; not for a few weeks, at least, accordin' ta Snowboy," Anybodys reminded her husband, feeling a juvenile need to annoy him as much as he was annoying her.

"WHAT?!"

"I'll be sore!" Anybodys shouted.

A-Rab was beginning to look desperate now. "But baby, we don't gotta put it _there_!"

Anybodys was furious. "NO SEX TONIGHT; THE BABY HATCH IS FULL."


	35. Eight Months and Two Weeks

I'm posting this chapter today for two reasons: the first being that I will be very, very tired on Tuesday after taking my AP Psych exam (I hope there are lots of Freud questions and very few correlational studies questions, yick) and probably not up to doing anything not pertaining to sleeping. The second and most important reason: it's Mother's Day! Be honest, how many of you forgot to get a present for Mumsy? ;)

I've been waiting to post this chapter for a loooooooong time, so I'm uber-excited about it. There's a line slightly but not really pinched from _Up_; kudos to whoever gets it. There's also a shout-out to my favorite Kate Hudson movie that was on earlier today (like Krull wasn't a dead-giveaway, eheh).

Anyway, many, many thanks to **Vee, Meg,** and **fir8008** for their beautiful reviews!

* * *

"It often happens that a man is more humanely related to a cat or dog than to any human being."

~Henry David Thoreau

* * *

_Thirty-Four Weeks_

Anybodys was quickly discovering that hedgehogs—particularly Krull the Warrior King—were difficult not to like. They were small and spiky—but not enough to seriously injure you—and bit and only allowed you to handle them if they were in the mood for it. Not unlike her, as A-Rab had pointed out. Though Anybodys initially told him he was a nut for thinking that, she grew to like the idea.

She had grudgingly agreed to help take care of the hedgehog (but not before a long argument in which it was mentioned that A-Rab was the one who had bought the hedgehog in the first place, and _that_ eventually ended in the way their arguments usually ended), and she had grown to find that it really was not so bad. Sometimes Krull let her pick him up and carefully run her fingers over his quills, and he always scuttled to his food dish the minute he saw her coming with his bag.

Tonight, however, she had forgotten to feed him at the usual time and was dearly hoping a couple hours would not make much of a difference. She became alarmed upon discovering that Krull was curled up in a corner and making noises that could only be sounds of pain. She wiggled a finger into his cage, but he completely ignored her.

"Oh my God, I killed Krull!" Anybodys shrieked. "A-RAB, KRULL'S DYING!"

A-Rab tore into the room and tripped over a chair. "What?!" he gasped, hopping on one foot and rubbing his toe.

"I killed him!" Anybodys groaned.

A-Rab, inspecting the hedgehog with wide eyes, said, "Maybe he just swallowed somethin'…let's take him to the vet, yeah?"

* * *

An hour later, an amused-looking nurse came into the waiting room. "Mr. and Mrs. Rabinowitz?"

"Yeah?" they asked at once, A-Rab jumping to his feet—Anybodys wisely chose to remain sitting.

"Congratulations; you have an addition to the family. Three, I should say."

A-Rab and Anybodys stared at the nurse for a long moment before Anybodys finally asked loudly, "_What_?"

The nurse was smiling. "Your hedgehog just had a litter of three hoglets. Very fitting, considering it's Mother's Day and all."

There was a stunned pause. Then,

"Wait…Krull's a _girl_?" Anybodys asked in disbelief.

The nurse laughed. "It would appear so. Dr. Morris has asked me to remind you that disturbing the mother during the first twenty-four hours after the birth will, um, result in her eating her young, but after that, you're free to take them home."

A-Rab turned to Anybodys, looking stunned. "Well…I guess we'll get 'em tomorrah?"

"I guess," Anybodys said weakly. She hoisted herself out of her seat after doing the Pregnant-Lady-Roll-Up and, stunned, the Rabinowitzes went home.

* * *

The next day, A-Rab and Anybodys kept peering into the hedgehog's cage. Krull—as Anybodys still insisted on calling the hedgehog—hissed at them every time she noticed them, but they couldn't resist looking at the tiny little hoglets.

"We oughta name 'em, y'know," A-Rab said quietly when they had peered in for what had to be the five millionth time that day.

"What're ya thinkin'?" Anybodys breathed.

"I dunno, but I want one ta be Riffers," A-Rab declared.

Anybodys considered it. "Well, this one's Butch, an' this one will be Spike, an' that one can be Riffers," she decided, pointing to each one in turn.

A-Rab pouted. "But that's the smallest one!"

"Exactly."

A-Rab sighed. "There's just no winning with you, is there?"

"Yer lucky I haven't killed ya; I don't let just any guy see me naked," Anybodys warned him darkly.

A-Rab smirked. "Mind if I take advantage-a that privilege? Or is the baby hatch full?"

"Not _that_ full," Anybodys conceded, pulling A-Rab to the bedroom.


	36. Eight Months and Three Weeks

A/N: So, my oh-so-perfect updating plan is not that perfect, since I realized that, if I was going to post this on Anybodys's birthday (which LCV Productions have decided is today) I was going to have to post it around the numerous prom preparations. BAD. IDEA. Anyway, I'm very pleased I managed to do this, since being the group orchestrator is no mean feat, let me tell you. Note to self: never volunteer my house for the getting ready/meeting/picture-taking/sleepover place EVER AGAIN.

ANYHOO, Happy Birthday, Anybodys!

And mucho gracias to **Vee, Meg,** and **fir8008** for their reviews!

* * *

_Thirty-Five Weeks_

Anybodys stretched and yawned. Today, she turned twenty-four years old.

As she glanced at her reflection, rubbing the restless baby in her stomach, she wondered if she had ever pictured herself like this. Probably not. Ten years ago, she had been a toothpick of a kid whose dirty boys' clothes had hung off of her bony frame, her face had looked as if it had never been introduced to soap, and she'd been visibly miserable. Now, she was considerably less of a toothpick and more of a whale who was practically popping out of her clothes. And okay, so she was still miserable, what with toting around all the extra, kicking weight, but she was much happier than she used to be. She wasn't sure if she exactly had that _glow_ everyone said expectant mothers had, but she definitely looked healthier than she ever remembered being.

Sissy and Minnie had pestered Anybodys endlessly about her birthday plans, but she was insistent on not having any. This would be her last birthday before she became a mother, and she wanted to spend it alone with A-Rab. A few people had dropped off presents (Ice and Velma had framed the picture of a very upset-looking A-Rab on Santa's lap, and Minnie had left her with roughly a month's supply of cookies, along with a chocolate cake she and Clarice had worked on together), and now she was just waiting for A-Rab to come home with the dinner he had promised to pick up.

If Anybodys was nervous about becoming a mother, it was _nothing_ compared to the level of anxiety A-Rab was practically radiating. The smallest sigh from her elicited a thousand questions about her health, and if she so much as shifted while trying to fall asleep, he was ready to rush her to the hospital. She supposed it was understandable, considering that this was their first baby and neither one of them was entirely sure of what to expect; still, she wished he'd stop acting like he had a damn rocket in his pocket.

To be perfectly honest, though, it really wasn't that bad. A-Rab was doing everything possible to keep her as happy and as comfortable as he could; Anybodys had only to ask and it was hers. Most importantly, though, she knew that their child was going to have an attentive father, something neither of them had ever had.

She heard the door open, followed by A-Rab calling, "I'm home, an' I got food!"

"What'd ya bring me?" Anybodys wanted to know, waddling towards the kitchen.

"My day was just fine, I missed you too," A-Rab scoffed, kneeling to greet the baby. "_Hello_ there, little fella!"

"A-Rab!" Anybodys whined.

"Okay, okay, but _only_ 'cause it's yer birthday," A-Rab sighed with mock-reluctance, rising to kiss her.

"What'd ya bring me?" Anybodys asked almost at once. At A-Rab's incredulous look, she said defensively, "Well, I'm hungry, an' I been waitin' fer a long time for ya ta come home!"

"I'm sorry," A-Rab said, immediately chastened. "Here." He reached into a takeout bag. "Gotta _gourmet_ _burger_ from Big Deal's place; Mouthpiece said it was made special."

Anybodys made a delighted noise as she took the burger, tearing into it at once. A-Rab, who was used to Anybodys's frightening eating habits (which had changed only a very little bit when she became pregnant), snickered as she made a noise that sounded like, "om-nom-nom."

"Like it?"

"I _love_ it," Anybodys said around her burger. "I love _you_."

"Good, 'cause I had ta book it ta keep that thing warm," A-Rab said.

Anybodys chewed thoughtfully. "It has a weird kinda taste…almost like wasabi…"

"Is that a bad thing?" A-Rab asked worriedly, ready to run get her something else if need be.

Anybodys shook her head. "Nah, it's fine…I just never tasted it in a burger before."

"Lemme try," A-Rab said, reaching out for it.

Anybodys shook his head. "_Mine_." And with that, she stuffed the rest of the burger in her mouth. "Om-nom-nom."

A-Rab rolled his eyes. "I'm scared ta see what ya do to the cake."

"'Ere's _ca_'?" Anybodys asked excitedly, her mouth so full she resembled a squirrel.

The next half hour was spent eating cake and then moving to the couch, where the couple proceeded to enter into a long and intense make-out session—they wouldn't have many opportunities to do this uninterrupted in just a few short weeks.

Quite suddenly, Anybodys sat up, her face pale. "Uh-oh…I think I gotta…" She didn't finish; instead, she raced to the bathroom with surprising speed and promptly threw up.

"I thought yer mornin' sickness was over!" a dumbfounded A-Rab exclaimed.

"I did too," Anybodys groaned.

"It ain't real complimentary, y'know, when a chick gets up an' pukes aftah makin' out with a guy," A-Rab pouted.

Anybodys retched in response.

The phone rang, and a stunned A-Rab went to answer it. "Hello?"

"Uh, A-Rab? This is Big Deal. Uh, y'know how ya came by earlier an' got that burger fer Anybodys?"

"Yeah?" A-Rab asked, hearing the ominous tone.

Big Deal sighed. "Well, none-a the chefs made it…turns out Mouthpiece thought he'd surprise ya an' make food _he wasn't supposed to_." A-Rab heard Mouthpiece's distinctive voice holler something in the background, followed by Big Deal shouting, "No, bad Mouthpiece! Sit! Stay! _Stay_!" He sighed. "Anyway, I'm real sorry, but tell Anybodys not ta eat it."

"It's a little late fa that," A-Rab groaned, wincing as he heard Anybodys retch again.

"A-Rab, I'm really sorry," Big Deal apologized, sounding truly upset. "I'm holdin' Mouthpiece here fer awhile…in case ya, y'know, wanted ta…talk to him. About preparin' food fer expectin' mothers."

"Thanks, Big Deal," A-Rab growled, hanging up. He went to the bathroom, where Anybodys was flushing the toilet. "You okay?"

"I think so," Anybodys said, gulping.

"Good, 'cause I gotta go take care-a somethin'," A-Rab snarled, storming out of the apartment and massaging his knuckles.

Anybodys, staring, shrugged. "I've had weirder birthdays."


	37. Nine Months

A/N: I don't want to say much about this chapter, just in case I give anything away, eheh. Although I will give my random announcement of the day, which is that Charlie Chaplin in _The Great Dictator_ is quite possibly one of the best performances I have ever seen. But that's about it.

Huge thanks to my readers and reviewers who have stuck with me through this fic; it means so much!

* * *

"I realize why women die in childbirth - it's preferable."

~Sherry Glaser

* * *

_Thirty-Six Weeks_

"Coming through, woman giving birth here!" Snowboy shouted, pushing the wheelchair through the hall. "You feelin' okay?"

"Y-yes." Anybodys felt far from okay.

"Good. Just keep breathin', just like ya practiced."

Anybodys groaned; she had not been practicing her breathing. "Snowboy, are ya _sure_ I oughta be here?"

"Contractions are three minutes apart," was her answer. She groaned again; there was no way she could get away now.

Another contraction came and Anybodys winced, feeling every muscle in her body tense.

"That was a big one," the nurse pointed out unnecessarily.

Anybodys glared at her. "Thank you, Captain Obvious. Anything else ya wanna point out? I'm about ta pop, perhaps?"

The nurse sniffed.

Snowboy rolled his eyes. "I know ya've been usin' yer condition as an excuse fer bein'…well, how you normally are, but you won't have that excuse fa much longer."

"I still got awhile!" Anybodys protested.

"Will you _kindly_ shut up?" Midge finally snapped from the wheelchair. "_I'm_ the one going into labor here, not Anybodys!"

"Sorry, Midge," Snowboy said at once.

"Don't see why ya want me here anyway," Anybodys sighed.

"I told you, I think it would be a valuable learning experience," Midge said primly. "I wish _I'd_ had the opportunity to observe a live birth so that I might better prepare myself."

"I seen Sissy do it before! Three times, as a matter-a fact!" Anybodys reminded her.

"But never when you were pregnant," Midge reminded her. She let out a shriek as another contraction hit. "Oh, dear."

"Just keep breathin'," Snowboy urged, pushing her into the delivery room. "Nurse, help me get her on the bed…"

Anybodys watched resentfully as Midge was placed on a birthing bed, her feet unceremoniously put in stirrups. She was sweating now, her breathing heavy and her glasses fogged.

"Dr. Boyer, she's ready to deliver now," the nurse informed Snowboy after having checked between Midge's legs.

Snowboy nodded, pulling on rubber gloves. "Good. Now, Midge, when ya feel yer next contraction, I'm gonna need ya ta push. Don't give it yer all; just push enough ta move the babies."

"Yes, yes, I read it—" Midge began, but she was cut off as another contraction she hit. She let out a noise that sounded far too animalistic for the prim and proper Midge O'Quinn-Winkle; it was a cross between a groan and a shriek. Her hips thrust upwards as she heaved, her face screwed up tightly as she pushed. Her hand found its way to Anybodys's and she squeezed, clenching the hand. A nurse removed her glasses and wiped her forehead.

"That was good," Snowboy said, not even looking up at Midge; his eyes were intent on the very slowly emerging baby.

Midge turned to Anybodys, her grey eyes uncharacteristically distraught. "Anybodys…I have to tell you something." She paused, wincing at another contraction.

"Push!" Snowboy instructed.

"I am!" Midge grunted. She collapsed against the pillows, panting. Her head rolled on the pillow to look at Anybodys again. "I didn't ask you here for a learning experience…to tell the truth, I…I'm terrified."

Anybodys felt an immediate surge of anxiety and something akin to guilt. "But…why didn'tcha ask one-a the other girls here? Minnie or Velma or…somebody?"

Midge made a weakly derisive noise. "They all think I'm ridiculous. Or maybe it's just that they know I think they can be awfully ridiculous at times; I don't know. And even though Minnie's my best friend, I…well, can you really see her holding my hand while I push these two _watermelons_ out of me?"

It was certainly difficult to imagine Minnie in such a situation.

"But _me_?" Anybodys pressed.

Midge let out the groaning shriek again, collapsing back onto the pillows after pushing again. "You're different, Anybodys…I know you won't think the worse of me for seeing me like this," she panted.

Anybodys was, well, _touched_, if that was even the right term for it. It was true that seeing Midge in her present state was certainly not going to alter her opinion of the other girl; she, too, would be doing just this in a few short weeks. "Well, gee, Midge…"

The thought could not be continued, for Midge let out another earth-shattering shriek.

"The first one's comin'," Snowboy said loudly.

"That's awfully soon!" Midge gasped.

"Looks like they're pushin' each other…one's tryin' ta get out before the other," Snowboy explained hurriedly. He finally looked up. "Midge, this next contraction's gonna be the big one. When ya feel it comin', I need ya ta push as _hard_ as ya can until ya hear that baby cryin'."

"Oh God," Midge moaned.

"Are ya ready?" Snowboy seemed to say rather than ask.

"No!" Midge wailed. She looked as if she was attempting to kick her legs, but this was very hard, as her feet were in stirrups.

Anybodys gripped her hand tightly. "_Midge_. Ya've been ready fa this baby ever since ya found out about it, an' now yer chickenin' out?"

"Giving birth is easier said than done!" Midge said shrilly.

"Midge, the babies won't wait an' you _know_ it," Anybodys said impatiently. God, but she hoped she wouldn't be this pathetic when her time came. "I thought you was smart!"

Midge let out a whimper but said nothing. She screwed her eyes shut, and Anybodys could tell by the way Midge was squeezing her hand that she was having an enormous contraction.

"_Push_!"

"I AM, DAMMIT!" Midge howled, sounding nothing like the refined woman everyone knew her to be.

Anybodys felt as if her hand bones were being crushed, but she held fast, tensing alongside Midge. The air was suddenly rent with piercing wails, and Midge sank against the pillows, releasing her vice-like grip on a relieved Anybodys's hand.

"It's out!" the nurse declared, scooping up the baby and rushing it to a table to clean it.

"It's crying…it's breathing. It's alive," Midge said faintly.

"Yeah, it is," Anybodys agreed, trying to discern what was going on as the nurses flocked around the now shrieking infant. She smiled at Midge. "Ya did good, Midge."

Midge smiled weakly.

"It's a girl!" Snowboy shouted over the noise.

Midge let out a small sob. "Oh, thank Heaven; I wanted a little girl so badly! And, you know, that means the other one is a girl, too!" She closed her eyes, wincing ever so slightly. "I think…oh dear…I think the next one might be coming." She winced, her body tensing.

"Snowboy," Anybodys called as Midge's hand applied pressure to her own once more.

Snowboy was back almost at once, his eyes intent. "Yep, she's comin'," he confirmed. "Push on yer next contraction, but don't give it yer all just yet."

Nodding, Midge tensed herself and waited—she did not have long, for a moment later, her stomach convulsed. "When do I give it my all?" she gasped as it ended.

"Next one."

Anybodys steeled herself for it—Midge seized up and let out a surprisingly energetic shriek as a second baby slid, small and slick, from her womb. This baby, too, made her presence known by a shriek that Anybodys knew from her nieces and nephew was the unique cry of a newborn. Midge gave an almighty sigh of relief, flopping back gratefully. Her forehead was beaded in sweat, and a nurse sponged her off.

"The babies," Midge mumbled, fighting to sit up.

"They're just fine," the nurse said, firmly pushing Midge back. "You need to rest; the placenta will be coming out shortly."

Midge groaned but remained still. Sure enough, she convulsed a final time, and then it was all over. The miniscule infants were placed in her arms, one wearing a pink beanie and one wearing a yellow beanie to tell them apart. Anybodys, who normally hated anything remotely sentimental, felt a warm sort of feeling in her stomach as she watched mother and children. And then, without any warning whatsoever, Midge burst into tears.

"Should I go get Mouthpiece?" Anybodys asked, sensing that this was a family moment. That, and she hated being around crying chicks.

"Yeah, go ahead," Snowboy agreed, removing his gloves as the nurses started to clean up Midge.

Anybodys left gratefully. She was flattered Midge had chosen her to be in the delivery room with her, but Anybodys could only take so much humanity before it started to alienate her. Everyone in the waiting room leapt to their feet as she entered. "Midge's fine, an' so're the babies."

"What are they?" Mouthpiece wanted to know, bounding up to Anybodys and nearly knocking her over.

"Girls," Anybodys said, smiling.

"Oh, boy, oh, boy!" Mouthpiece trumpeted as the buzz of conversation rose. "Can I go see 'em now?"

"Yeah, that's what I came ta tell ya…" Anybodys was unable to finish, for Mouthpiece promptly tore off down the corridor. She rolled her eyes.

* * *

"A, I think we're lost," Anybodys sighed. After talking to everyone who had come to see the babies for awhile, A-Rab insisted that Anybodys needed to get home and sleep; they had been roused at one in the morning by a frantic Mouthpiece, and as it was now getting close to five, Anybodys would be exhausted later that day.

A-Rab, however, looked as if Christmas had come early. "Well, well, well; take a look, Any—our _favorite_ officer-a law enforcement is in there."

Anybodys's eyes widened as she peered into the room he was smirking at. "Oh my _God_, it's _Schrank_!"

"Wonder what he's in here for?" A-Rab asked.

"Why don't we ask him?" Anybodys asked, smirking.

A-Rab smirked back as he pushed open the door. "Well, top-a the day, Lieutenant!"

Schrank immediately looked alarmed. "They said these meds wouldn't make me hallucinate…I already thought I saw Snowboy as a doctor…"

"Oh, we ain't a hallucination," Anybodys said cheerfully. "We're real. Oh, an' we finally got married, even though ya said I'd end up walkin' the streets like my sister an' A-Rab'd die in a gutter like his old man."

"_And_ we're havin' a baby," A-Rab added, giving her stomach a rub.

Schrank's eyes bugged out. "You…yer havin' a _kid_? _Together_?"

"Well, it takes two ta tango, y'know," Anybodys said, shrugging in a would-be careless manner.

"Yer unleashin' a kid comin' from _both_-a yas on the world?" The little monitor beside Schrank's bed started beeping. "Holy mother-a _God_."

"That don't look good," A-Rab said innocently as the beeping increased. "We'll just go then."

"Havin'…another…stroke," Schrank gasped.

Anybodys hit the button for the nurse as they left. "See ya, Lieutenant Schmuck!"


	38. Nine Months and One Week

A/N: Heh, well, as you can see, last chapter was not the birth of the sprog; although the general consensus is that it takes nine months for a baby to be born, it's actually closer to ten months, and a baby born at thirty-six weeks would be considered premature. But the baby will be born _very_ soon, I promise. Eheh.

Also, on a random note, _The Young Victoria_ is probably one of my new favorite movies. You should go watch it. Like now.

Anyway, major thanks to **Vee, fir8008,** and **Meg** for the reviews!

* * *

"Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children."

~Mignon McLaughlin, _The Second Neurotic's Notebook_, 1966

* * *

_Thirty-Seven Weeks_

"No, no, I got a good one," Joyboy declared, downing the rest of his Vodka. "Okay, so there's this fat lady sittin' on a bus, an' a man sits down beside her. These three little old ladies get on an' hafta stand. So the lady turns to the man an' says, 'If you was a gentleman, you'd get up an' let one-a those ladies siddown.' An' the man says, 'If you was a lady, you'd get up an' let all _three_-a them siddown!"

The bar exploded with laughter.

"Gee, that was a good one, Joyboy!" Tiger said, throwing an amicable arm around Mouthpiece's shoulders.

"I know," Joyboy said proudly as Action filled up his Vodka.

The phone rang and Elvis went to answer it as the Jets resumed their joke-telling contest; so far, Joyboy was winning. Elvis turned to look at A-Rab with a funny look. "Uncle A, Aunt Any's on the phone. She says she wants ta talk to ya."

Surprised, A-Rab took the phone and pressed it into his ear, clamping a hand over the other ear so that he could hear. "Anybodys?"

"A-Rab." Her voice sounded shaky. "Can you come home?"

"Why? What's wrong?" A-Rab asked, immediately tensing.

"Just…just please come home," Anybodys begged. "I can't…" She broke off, and he heard a muffled sound.

"Anybodys?" A-Rab asked, panicked.

"I'm here," she said, sounding even more shaken. "Please, A-Rab?"

"I'll be right there," A-Rab promised. He handed the phone back to Elvis and tore out of the bar, ignoring the questioning shouts of his buddies. He burst through the apartment door five minutes later, breathlessly shouting, "Anybodys!"

"In here." The voice was coming from the kitchen, and A-Rab darted in there, deeply upset to see Anybodys curled up in a corner, her arms over her stomach. She looked up at him miserably. "I'm havin' contractions…real ones."

A-Rab knelt before her, eyes wide. "Yer sure?"

Anybodys nodded. "I…" She winced and visibly tensed, letting out a groan. Her body relaxed into a more natural but still tense manner about thirty seconds later. "These ain't Braxton Hicks," she panted. "They're comin' closer together, too."

A-Rab ran a hand through his hair. "How far apart?"

"They were twelve minutes, but that one was ten minutes," she said, looking and sounding as if she might cry.

"Okay…okay," A-Rab said, trying to think. "Is the bag ready?"

"Last I checked," Anybodys said.

"Okay…I'll go get that, an' you…don't move," A-Rab advised, sprinting to go get the bag.

"What else am I gonna do?" Anybodys called after him indignantly.

Within minutes they were in a taxi on their way to the hospital. Anybodys clenched A-Rab's hand painfully on Columbus as another contraction hit; he was growing progressively more anxious. A man pushing a wheelchair immediately scooped up Anybodys as A-Rab hurriedly signed her in, his mind in such a turmoil that he momentarily forgot her birth date.

He had only been sitting in the waiting room for a few minutes when a nurse came in. "Mr. Rabinowitz?"

A-Rab jumped up, terrified that something had gone wrong. It had not taken very long at all, and somehow, that just didn't seem right to him. "Yeah?"

"Please come with me," the nurse said.

This worried A-Rab even further, but he followed behind the business-like woman down a painfully sterile-smelling hallway and into a room. Anybodys was sitting up in the bed, wearing a hospital gown and ID bracelet and still heavily pregnant. Snowboy was talking to her, and both looked up when A-Rab entered.

"What's goin' on?" A-Rab asked, glancing between the two of them.

"It was a false alarm," said Snowboy.

A-Rab stared. "Yer serious?"

"It's actually pretty common, believe it or not," Snowboy said, shrugging. "Sometimes the body goes in overdrive when it practices contractions and is halfway ready ta do it."

"Wait…halfway?" a very confused A-Rab asked.

"Technically, I coulda given birth if I wanted to," Anybodys finally piped up. "They coulda dilated me if I wanted." She licked her lips. "Only I…didn't."

Snowboy cleared his throat. "Look, I gotta split. Yer free ta go; just let the nurse know when yer leavin'."

Almost as soon as he had left, Anybodys turned guiltily to A-Rab. "I know that we have everything all ready fa the baby an' everything, but…I dunno…I just ain't ready for it yet."

"Me neither," A-Rab admitted, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

Anybodys watched him warily. "You ain't upset I didn't go ahead an' have the baby?"

This surprised A-Rab. "Well, no; should I be?"

Anybodys shrugged. "I dunno…I just thought that, y'know…" She sighed. "I dunno what I was thinkin'. I know the baby'll be comin' soon, but…I still wanna wait awhile."

"Yeah, well, you ain't the only one. We never thought we was gonna have kids; I'm _still_ havin' trouble believin' it." A-Rab fiddled with Anybodys's paper ID bracelet.

"A-Rab?"

"Yeah?"

There was a pause. Then, "What if we kill the baby?"

A-Rab stared at her. "_What_?"

"Not on purpose," Anybodys said quickly. "I just mean that…well, I don't even take care-a _myself_, let alone _you_; if I forget ta eat lunch, won't I forget ta feed the baby?"

"Any," A-Rab said flatly. "We are _not_ gonna kill the baby. An' ya haven't skipped lunch once since ya found out you were gonna have a baby." At Anybodys's sigh, he moved his hand to squeeze her own. "_Hey_. We're gonna be okay. The _baby's_ gonna be okay. Okay?"

Anybodys sighed. "If you say so."

"_Anybodys_."

Anybodys glared. "Okay, fine: we're gonna be okay an' the baby's gonna be okay. Happy?"

"Not if he turns into a smart-ass like his mom," A-Rab scoffed.

Anybodys huffed. "I hope it's a girl just ta spite you!"

"An' I hope she's a girly-girl ta spite _you_," he said, cackling as she took a swipe at him. "C'mon; let's get you home."

"Why? I'm so close ta poppin', I might as well stay here," Anybodys sighed.

"Y'know, ya sound about as whiny as Gee-Tar."

This did the trick; Anybodys climbed out of the bed as fast as was possible, given her present state. "Gimme my clothes, ya asshole."

A-Rab smirked as she turned, affording him a glimpse of the insufficient ties in the back. "But I can see yer panties this way."

"Yeah? An' ya'll see my fist in yer kisser if ya don't shut up."

"Yes, dear."


	39. Nine Months and Two Weeks

A/N: I would like to point out that everything in this chapter is completely true; I researched hedgehog diets (before I realized we can't have pets in our dorms, boo), so all that is accurate. The stuff about the pregnancy is also true; I consulted with my mother about the mucus plug, which I had never heard about before but is apparently true. Spicy food and sex _are_ advised to send a baby into labor if it's medically healthy; while my parents didn't have sex (at least, I hope to God they didn't…oh dear Lord), they did eat chili a few hours before my mom went into labor. Of course, that could just be my huge aversion to spicy food, but whatever. Also, to quash the rumors about having sex while pregnant: that does not hurt the baby in the slightest, no matter how far along the mother is. I mean, it might be _uncomfortable_, but affection (which includes sex) is actually advised for expecting mothers, because it keeps the baby healthy. And that is my extremely long author's note.

* * *

"If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters."

~Nora Ephron, _Heartburn_, 1983

* * *

_Thirty-Eight Weeks_

"She'll eat mostly cat food an' fruits an' vegetables, but you can give her a little bit-a meat every now an' then, as long as it ain't fried or seasoned or anything like that," Anybodys was saying, trying to keep a firm grasp on Butch so that he wouldn't fall out of her hands. "An' if ya catch any bugs, give 'em to the hedgehogs; she loves those. Got all that?"

"I think so," Baby John said, giggling as he ran a hand down Krull's back. "Gee, that tickles!"

Anybodys rolled her eyes. Butch snapped at her finger with his tiny little teeth, so she put him back in his cage. She was debriefing Baby John on how to take care of the hedgehogs, for she and A-Rab doubted whether either of them would be able to do so once she went into labor and stayed the subsequent two nights at the hospital.

"Hey, she's squeakin'!" Baby John declared.

"Yeah, it means she likes it; kinda like how when a cat purrs," Anybodys said, shrugging.

"Aww."

"Baby John!" Anybodys said loudly.

"Okay, okay! Geeze," Baby John muttered, setting Krull back in her cage with her hoglets.

Anybodys sighed, rubbing her extremely heavy belly. She'd been on edge all day; a very large chunk of, well, _something_ had plopped out when she was using the bathroom this morning, and as she had no idea what it was, it was troubling her greatly, causing her to be extremely snappish. Not that being snappish was anything new for her. "Thanks fa doin' this, Baby John."

"Hey, it's no problem," he said, smiling.

"Look, I don't wanna kick ya out or nuthin', but I gotta appointment with Snowboy soon…"

"Don't worry, I'm leavin'," Baby John said. "Minnie's makin' roast tonight."

"Don't tempt me," Anybodys sighed. "Tell her an' the kids I said hi."

"Will do. See ya later, Anybodys," Baby John said, leaving.

"Yeah, see ya." Anybodys waddled to the bathroom. "A-Rab!" she shouted. "You ready yet?"

"Yeah, yeah, hold on," A-Rab said, toweling off his hair. "I'm comin'."

"You take as long as a girl ta get ready," Anybodys said in derision. She jumped a little as the baby kicked again.

A-Rab eyed her curiously. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

A-Rab shrugged before pulling his shirt on. "I dunno…ya just seem awful jumpy today."

Anybodys sighed. "Every time I feel a kick, I think I'm goin' inta labor."

"Well, it won't be too much longer," he said soothingly. "C'mon; let's split."

The journey to Snowboy's office took longer than usual with Anybodys toting around the ready-to-be-born baby. The receptionist, who was by now well-familiar with Anybodys, immediately sent her in lest she incur the Wrath of the Pregnant Lady.

"Well, yer gettin' awful close," said Snowboy, after having checked the vital statistics of mother and child. "Any questions?"

Anybodys hesitated. "Well, there is one thing." She hesitated again before deciding that Snowboy was going to see her give birth anyway, so what was the harm in telling him? "Well, see, this mornin' I was usin' the bathroom, an', um, somethin'…big, an', well, _weird_ came out, an', um…"

"Oh, the mucus plug," Snowboy said calmly.

"The _what_?" A-Rab asked, choking on his own spit.

"Mucus plug. It seals the cervix an' prevents infection during the pregnancy," Snowboy explained. "It sounds gross, I know, but it means that yer ready ta give birth now."

"Ya mean…right _now_?" Anybodys asked, eyes widening.

"Not _right_ now," Snowboy amended. "But it means that when the baby's ready, the body will go inta labor. It could be in thirty seconds or it could be in up ta three weeks."

"But I want this baby _out_!" Anybodys wailed. Though she had been far from ready a week ago, seven more days of carrying around a sizable weight was starting to take its toll on her. "I'm hot an' tired an' _fat_ an' _pregnant_ an' _I want this baby outta me_."

Snowboy held up his hands in a placatory manner. "I understand that, Anybodys, honest, but ya can't just _force_ the baby out. We only do that in extra-special emergency cases, like if one-a ya lives was in danger. _But_," he added quickly, seeing the murderous look on Anybodys's face, "there are a few things that are technically not medically prescribed, but they do work in most cases. A lotta patients report goin' inta labor not long aftah havin' spicy food."

"Load up on chili," Anybodys ordered A-Rab at once.

Snowboy's lips twitched. "An', um, a lotta patients have said that, um, sex helps."

There was a stunned pause.

A-Rab snickered. "Well, we don't gotta worry about _that_!"

"Did he pay you ta say that?" Anybodys asked, glowering.

"It's true!" Snowboy protested.

"Can I have that in writin'?" A-Rab asked. "_It is medically advised ta have sex with yer wife._"

"_And it is medically advised fer you ta shut yer trap 'fore I kill ya_," Anybodys growled.


	40. Birth

A/N: Wow. I can't believe it; this is the very last chapter. After a little under a year, it's ending. I was nowhere near close to finishing this when I first posted it in September, and in a way, I'm glad; some of my favorite chapters were spur-of-the-moment. This fic is, in a way, like my baby, and while I'm glad to be ending it, I'm also sad to let it go; this fic is my third-longest, second most-read, and has the most story alerts out of all my fics, which I am certainly proud of.

But most importantly, this fic would never have been possible without all of my fabulous readers. These wonderful people are: **viennacantabile, RhapsodyInProgress, SheWhoDreamsByDarkness-x, xXc0okieSsNcrEamXx, hippogriff-tamer, fir8008, **and **LoveforEliot**, but an extra-special thank-you must go to **Vee** and **RhapsodyInProgress** for sticking with me the whole way through this fic; **Vee** is pretty much like the father to this fic—while I did the brunt of the work, it simply would not have been possible without her, and **RhapsodyInProgress**, who is also currently wrapping up her fic about another pregnant lady, has sympathized with me about writing pregnant ladies the entire way through.

I suppose I should thank my silent-readers, except…I'm not really sure what I'd thank them for…

Thank you all for reading and reviewing; I hope you enjoy the final installment of the Chronicles of a Pregnant Lady, or, _Nine Months_.

* * *

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."

~Rajneesh

* * *

_Thirty-Nine Weeks_

_Or_

_Birth_

A-Rab liked to sleep in on his Saturday mornings. That was very hard to do, however, when his wife would not hold still.

"Any, what're ya doin'?" he mumbled as she shifted for the fourteenth time.

"Nuthin'," she said at once.

Too tired to notice that this was in any way suspicious, A-Rab drifted back to sleep. He was roused only minutes later, however, when he heard a very distinct groan beside him. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What is it?"

"It's nuthin'," Anybodys panted. She was on all fours, her body seeming to curl in around her stomach. She let out a gasp and released her body from its coiled position, easing back onto the pillows.

"It sure _sounds_ like somethin'," A-Rab said hotly.

"It's just another false labor," she protested, rubbing her stomach. "It'll go away."

"You sure about that?" he asked sharply. "Snowboy said it could be any day now, an' that whole thing with the mucus plug…"

"I'm fine!" Anybodys snapped.

"Anybodys…"

"Okay, fine, so maybe I am!" she said waspishly. "Even if I am, the contractions are pretty far apart; it's too early ta go to the hospital."

A-Rab sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Okay. Well, can I get ya anything fer breakfast?"

"An omelette? With lotsa cheese?" she asked hopefully.

"Sure." A-Rab kissed her cheek and rubbed Anybodys's stomach; in a few hours, he might finally get to see the baby in person.

* * *

A few hours later, A-Rab was starting to get antsy. The overnight bag had been restocked and checked about five times, Baby John had promised to come by after work and get the hedgehogs, Snowboy was heading towards the hospital shortly, and Sissy was calling every ten minutes to check on Anybodys's progress. The contractions were getting worse; they came at shorter and shorter intervals and lasted for longer and longer. And yet, Anybodys continued protesting that it was just a false labor. A-Rab had made her promise that she would go to the hospital when they were five minutes apart, and it was getting close to it.

"I'm tellin' ya, A-Rab, they'll go away," Anybodys snapped for what felt like the millionth time.

"Yeah, an' then ya'll have the baby," A-Rab snapped back.

Anybodys suddenly doubled over, whimpering.

"That was five minutes; let's go," A-Rab said firmly.

"No," Anybodys protested.

"Anybodys!" A-Rab bellowed. "This ain't fake! Now you can go willingly or I can drag ya there; either way, you are goin' to the hospital!"

With no warning whatsoever, Anybodys suddenly burst into tears. "I ain't _ready_, A-Rab! I don't _want_ it ta be real!" She buried her face in her hands. "I'm scared," she squeaked.

A-Rab stared at her. "Any…"

"It's too soon!" she sobbed. "I ain't even picked out a name yet! The nursery ain't finished! I don't even have _stretch marks_, A-Rab! Pregnant ladies is supposed ta get _stretch marks_, an' I don't _have_ 'em!"

"Baby…it's gonna be fine," A-Rab said in a placating tone, crouching down beside her. "It's okay ta be scared; this is big."

Anybodys sniffed. "You won't be there with me."

_Oh_. Men weren't allowed in the delivery room. It upset A-Rab deeply, but there was nothing they could do about it; he would just have to wait until it was over. He gripped her hand. "No, but I'll be with ya up until then, an' the minute ya have that baby, I'll be runnin' in there. 'Sides, I hear women ain't too friendly when they're givin' birth; ya might kill me."

Anybodys let out a wet chuckle, wiping her eyes. "Yeah…I guess so." She winced and muffled a groan as another contraction hit. "Let's go. Help me up?"

A-Rab lifted her to her feet and, after grabbing the bag, helped her to the elevator. He whistled loudly for a taxi and they were off, she gripping his hand tightly and he snapping at the driver to move it. The driver was evidently listening, because after a few moments, a siren sounded behind them.

"_Shit_," Anybodys groaned.

"Officer, it is not my fault!" the turbaned driver insisted.

A-Rab's mouth fell open. "_Officer Goddard_?"

"What's goin' on here?" Officer Goddard asked with suspicion.

As if to answer his question, Anybodys was wracked with another contraction, and this did not escape Goddard's attention. His eyes bulged out and his frown was immediately replaced by an O. "Good Lord! Follow me, kids; I'll clear traffic." And he ran to his squad car.

"Now _that_ was amazing," A-Rab said fervently; the only times he'd ever had a police escort were when Schrank was hauling him down to the clink to interrogate him or punish him for a prank.

"Maybe fa you, but I'm the one with somethin' the size of a watermelon tryin' ta bust outta me here!" Anybodys snapped.

They reached the hospital in record time, thanks to Goddard's flashing lights and wailing siren, and a woman with a wheelchair rushed to Anybodys. A-Rab helped her ease into it as another contraction hit, telling her everything would be okay, she was doing just fine—it took him a moment to realize he was saying it more for his benefit than for hers. They came to the point where he would have to say goodbye, and after telling her one last time that everything would be okay, he let go of her hand.

"No!" Anybodys screamed, reaching for A-Rab. "I don't wanna have the baby now," she exclaimed, starting to cry. "I ain't ready, A-Rab; I'm _scared_!"

"Listen ta me." A-Rab put his hands on her shoulders and looked directly into her terrified blue eyes. "You are _ready_ fa this baby. I _know_ you are. You are gonna be _fine_."

"But what if somethin' happens? What if I kill him?" she wailed.

A-Rab managed a weak smile. "Thought ya didn't wanna call the baby 'he.'"

Anybodys let out a sob. "A, I want you with me in there!"

A-Rab cut his eyes to the nurse; she shook her head in sympathy. He cut his eyes back to Anybodys, giving her as reassuring a look as he could. "You know I can't do that. But I'll be right here waitin', an' the minute I can, I'm gonna come see you an' the baby, okay?"

Anybodys could not respond, for another contraction had hit her. She gripped A-Rab's hand tightly, trying to fight a scream.

"We need to take her, _now_," the nurse said, wheeling Anybodys around.

Anybodys turned to look at A-Rab, looking desperate. "A…I love you."

"Yeah…I love you too," A-Rab said, his voice cracking.

And then she was taken away from him.

* * *

Anybodys was not sure she had ever experienced such pain before, and she had been slashed across the arm with a switchblade during a rumble with some angry Hawks the spring she turned sixteen. Of course, it wasn't exactly _pain_ she was feeling; it was just an excruciating kind of numbness. Sissy was beside her, holding her hand and spouting out all kinds of things that were meant to be reassuring, but none of them registered with Anybodys. Snowboy assured her that the baby was small and would be easier than most to deliver, but Anybodys found that it was impossibly hard.

"Okay, this is the big one," Snowboy was telling her now, his hands poised and ready to catch the baby. "When this contraction hits, I'm gonna need ya ta push as _hard_ as ya can, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill," Anybodys snapped. She winced, feeling the hardest contraction yet hit her. "_Mother_—" she broke off into a shriek.

* * *

In a shockingly short amount of time, the majority of the Jets and their families had assembled in the waiting room. Sissy had gone to be with Anybodys during the birth, and A-Rab envied her; personally, he felt that if _anyone_ should be with a laboring mother at this moment, it was the father of the child. Even Snowboy would be there, only adding insult to the injury. A-Rab paced up and down, anxious and miserable.

The door to the waiting room opened and everyone looked up as Snowboy entered, looking tired.

A-Rab sprang to his feet, the color draining from his face. "Any…"

Snowboy smiled. "She's fine."

A-Rab sighed in relief.

"Pitched a fit the whole time; swore like a sailor at the nurses an' threatened ta castrate me a couple times, so I know she's okay," Snowboy said, wiping his forehead.

There were some chuckles, and A-Rab felt a surge of pride. Still, there was one more thing… "An' the baby?"

"Healthy little boy."

The people in the waiting room who were not with the Rabinowitz family were startled as the room was filled with cheers. Action popped a bottle of champagne, the foam spraying over the heads of some of the Jets. A-Rab's back was slapped by one Jet after another, but he didn't even notice. _A baby_. He was starting to realize now that he didn't care if it was a boy or a girl; the fact of the matter was that he was a daddy to a healthy little baby, and that was the only thing he cared about.

* * *

Anybodys had never been good with kids, let alone babies. She never seemed to hold them just right; mothers always gently but firmly reminded her to hold the head, and the baby almost always ended up crying. They always felt awkward and out of place in her arms.

But the moment her son was placed in her arms, she knew exactly how to hold him. He fit so perfectly in her arms, and she wondered how on earth anyone could have trouble holding a baby. He was so small and warm and fragile and the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, and she never wanted to let him go. His eyes, which had been screwed shut, fluttered and blinked open. Her breath caught as he looked up at her, wide-eyed and unblinking. In that moment, she knew that he recognized her as his mother, knew that she would love him more than anyone else in the world would ever love him.

The door banged open, and Anybodys knew at once that it was A-Rab. She beamed as an expression of wonder came over his features, and Snowboy and the nurses backed out. Sissy gently lifted the baby out of Anybodys's arms (more for the excuse of holding her nephew than anything) and set him in A-Rab's, quietly reminding him to mind the head. She slipped out, allowing the family to have their moment. A-Rab finally looked up from his son and grinned at Anybodys.

She gave him a tired smile. "I did it."

"Yeah, ya did," A-Rab said, unable to stop grinning. "Toldja ya could."

Anybodys gave a small sigh. "It wasn't all the blood an' agony I thought it was gonna be. Still, I don't wanna do it again fer awhile."

Shifting the baby to one arm, he brushed a sweaty lock of hair from her forehead. "Just fer awhile?"

Anybodys actually looked somewhat shy. "Well, I mean…it wasn't, y'know, _terrible_. An', well, babies ain't really so bad." She gave an enormous yawn.

"Tired?"

She nodded, sighing again. "Yeah. It ain't no picnic, havin' a baby."

"But ya did good," A-Rab said, his finger toying with the baby's own tinier fingers. "Go on an' take a nap; we'll be here."

Anybodys gave another tired smile. "I love you."

"I love you too, little girl," he said, settling into the rocking chair by her bed.

Exhausted but pleased, Anybodys closed her eyes and let her fatigue take over.

* * *

When Anybodys woke up, she saw that A-Rab was still sitting in the rocking chair by the bed, the baby nestled comfortably in the crook of his elbow. Anybodys smiled; she didn't normally think those kinds of things were cute or anything, but she just couldn't help admiring the sight of her husband and her baby together.

God. Her _baby_.

A-Rab glanced up and grinned at her. "Hey!"

"Hey," Anybodys returned, shifting so she was sitting up against the pillows. "Can I see him?"

"A-course," A-Rab said, getting up and carefully holding the baby out towards her. She took him eagerly, resting him against her breast. A-Rab scooted the rocking chair up to the bed, resting his arms beside Anybodys. "Y'know…not ta say I toldja so, but…I knew we was gonna have a boy."

"Aw, shut up," Anybodys said lightly. She couldn't help smiling as she played with the baby's miniscule fingers. Had she ever been this tiny? It seemed impossible to imagine. "Y'know, we're gonna hafta name him."

"Can't believe we didn't think of any names sooner," A-Rab said, watching his baby. "Well, guess we ain't gonna name him after either one of our dads."

Anybodys scoffed. "I'd rather die." She considered a list of options. After a moment, she said tentatively, "Doc's name was Phillip."

"Yeah," A-Rab said, adjusting the baby's blanket. He glanced up at her. "You wanna name him aftah Doc?"

Anybodys nodded "Yeah…yeah, I do," she said.

A-Rab considered it. "Well, we gotta pick a middle name."

Smiling, Anybodys said, "I was thinkin'-a John…aftah Baby John. We're still makin' him godfather, right?"

"Yeah," A-Rab agreed. He was quiet for a moment. "Phillip John Rabinowitz."

"It could be worse." Anybodys laughed at A-Rab's face. "We'll call him Pip fa short."

"Don't do that, he'll get called Pipsqueak fer the rest-a his life…" A-Rab whined, but only halfheartedly.

"With you as his dad? He _will_ be a pipsqueak. An' he's a tiny little guy; six pounds, eight ounces. A-course, he sure didn't feel tiny when I was givin' birth to him," Anybodys said, frowning at the thought.

A-Rab let out a low whistle. "I can't believe it…nine months-a waitin'—well, seven, by the time we found out—an' here he finally is."

"Yeah," Anybodys agreed quietly. "We're _parents_."

Phillip John Rabinowitz chose that moment to open his eyes.

"Hey there, buddy," A-Rab breathed, running his finger around the wrist almost as small as his thumb. "We been waitin' for ya for a long time."

Pip stared at him for a moment before latching onto his finger and examining it with wide-eyed curiosity. Satisfied with it, he closed his eyes, still gripping A-Rab's finger.

"Poor little guy; he's exhausted," A-Rab said fondly.

"He oughta be, aftah all he put me through," Anybodys said, but she, too, had an uncharacteristically loving tone to her voice.

Without a word, A-Rab eased onto the bed beside Anybodys, one arm coming around her shoulders and pulling her closer, his other hand still in Pip's grip. He pressed a kiss to Anybodys's temple. "I love you."

She smiled at him. "I love you too."

* * *

**Child's Name:** Phillip John Rabinowitz

**Date of Birth:** June 10, 1966

**Sex:** Male

**County of Birth:** New York

**Date Filed:** June 10, 1966

**Mother's Maiden Name:** Annabelle Tallulah Hart

**Father's Name:** Aaron Robert Rabinowitz


End file.
